Hi everyone ? when I logged in today, I had a polite message suggesting that, as I haven?t posted for a while, I might like to? it was quite timely as I have been feeling I should make contact again ? I joined in January this year when I had had enough of hating myself fo drinking too much, giving up for a couple of days, moderating for a couple of weeks? blah, blah, same old story. I also had to stop lying to myself that I was in control ? my cravings were controlling me ? everything I did centred around how easy it would be for me to drink, sober up, not drive etc ? pathetic! So I found this site and for 2-3weeks was constantly reading posts, the Tool Box etc to try and work out how to get out of my hole. I?m not sure what specific thing has changed to make me feel I have truly mastered my cravings, but the combination of the stories we all share here, the advice from everyone on what worked for them (or didn?t), and the reading and reflection I did has got me to a place now where I can honestly say, and mean ?I am never going to drink again and I am never going to change my mind?. That is the promise I have made to myself ? it made me feel scared to even say it at first, but now I know that I am in control and not my cravings, it makes me quite excited! So far I am coming up for 3mo AF (I even stopped counting the days?) and although I do think about drinking sometimes, it is not a craving, it is just a thought, and I just remember my promise, and remind myself that it is not me who wants to drink, it is my ?beast brain?, and the feeling just goes. I haven?t turned into a new person, but I sleep well, eat well and feel like I can look people in the eye and not feel deceitful or weak, or spend the morning hiding a hangover. Interestingly, I am finding out what I really enjoy ? I used to be an exercise nut (partly to burn those calories, and partly to try to convince myself the alcohol was not damaging me) but now I sometimes feel I can?t be bothered to run/swim/gym etc. I would rather read a book, be with my family, bake a cake, whatever I choose. This was a strange revelation ? how many of the things I have done over the years have been a response to drinking?? What other hobbies, work, activities are going to open up for me now the alcohol fog has lifted? I feel generally calmer - my energy doesn?t seem to dip and soar as before. I?ve looked into the whole sugar addiction thing too ? this I am sure is very relevant to problem drinkers, but I?m going to let my body settle for a few months before I do anything else drastic ? I feel I am eating too much sugar/carbs, but as long as I?m not drinking, I?ll have time to sort that out?
For those of you who are looking for your own path, I can only suggest what has helped me:
- this forum, definitely ? live here for the first few days/weeks!
- The My Way Out hypnosis tapes ? not sure if or how they work, but they are soothing and help take your mind off cravings, and help on those bad sleep nights
- Rational Recovery ? not for everyone, but if you, like me, are at the stage where you have pussy-footed around your addiction for years, this uncompromising approach is simple and powerful ? just stop drinking ? no more excuses. That?s it!
- In your sober time, just be kind and gentle to yourself ? don?t expect too much - enjoy the calm!
- I take evening primrose oil, milk thistle (liver cleanser) and Vit B supplements ? not sure if they help but they can?t do any harm!
I hope this helps someone in someway ? I know 3months sober is a small section of the rest of my journey AF, but at least now I am in a much better place than I have been for most of my adult life (20+years).
Will keep in touch, JT.
For those of you who are looking for your own path, I can only suggest what has helped me:
- this forum, definitely ? live here for the first few days/weeks!
- The My Way Out hypnosis tapes ? not sure if or how they work, but they are soothing and help take your mind off cravings, and help on those bad sleep nights
- Rational Recovery ? not for everyone, but if you, like me, are at the stage where you have pussy-footed around your addiction for years, this uncompromising approach is simple and powerful ? just stop drinking ? no more excuses. That?s it!
- In your sober time, just be kind and gentle to yourself ? don?t expect too much - enjoy the calm!
- I take evening primrose oil, milk thistle (liver cleanser) and Vit B supplements ? not sure if they help but they can?t do any harm!
I hope this helps someone in someway ? I know 3months sober is a small section of the rest of my journey AF, but at least now I am in a much better place than I have been for most of my adult life (20+years).
Will keep in touch, JT.
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