Lesson learned

[Farm Girl]

Lesson learned

I know I can't moderate - I was AF for SEVEN years! One day I had one glass of wine - harmless, right? Seven years later I am drinking just about anything and everything to get numb. No, I tried the moderation trail and it kept taking me back to where I started, or worse. I am envious of those can do it, and some can, so good luck on many AF days and moderation if it works for you!

[Hypernova]

Lesson learned

DG ~~ I totally agree with what you say about trying to stop again once you start. I used to be able to have a much easier time regulating the amount I drank and also could give it up for months at a time. Now I find if I get a few months AF and return drinking the effort and time needed to string a few days into a few months is a brutally harsh endeavor. AF is the way to go. I always trip up on vacations. Maybe b/c I am out of my environment. Or maybe b/c I like to drink and vacation seems like a good excuse. I will never give up vacations but hope my next vacay will be sober! Just not sure how to go about it. Seems to be my ultimate trigger.

[redhibiscus]

Lesson learned

Building an AF life is a step by step process. At first I was happy with cutting down the number of days I drank. Then, it was just the weekends. Then just one weekend night. Now I am really committed to be AF, all the time.

Hypernova, I too have concerns about vacations, and open houses, weddings I am supposed to go to, etc. I am hoping that I will be more practiced at having fun AF. It is truly a mindset, a way to think and perceive. For me, alcohol is poison, I always feel sick after drinking, and usually never want one or two, I want to get drunk. Having that first drink sets up a craving. I think I have an allergy to alcohol. I mean, I like cake, but having one piece, I don't have to eat the whole cake. And then go out and get more cake. So, AF is the only way to go.

[mollyka]

Lesson learned

I think addiction can be underestimated. I remember about 20 years ago when I had babies, my mum who loved her ciggies decided to give them up. Three days in to her (self-imposed) withdrawal from the cigs she was up visiting me and her ADORED grandchildren. Within half an hour she quite rudely said she had to go home and walked out the door! We were absolutely HORRIFIED, my darling sweet gentle little Mum behaving like that, we had no idea what was going on. Anyway she rang us an hour later when she got home crying and apologizing. She was craving a cigarette SO badly in my house her brain told her that in some way I was stopping her smoking and she just HAD to get out of the house!! Mad isn't it - but that is the brain trickery we are all dealing with every day:bang
Molly

[OverIt2007]

Lesson learned

Hi DancingOn.

Looks like we both caved in on the same day. I had my 30 days, and then foolishly ordered some wine with dinner. It would have been great if I had stopped at just one, but I think my total for the night was more like 8 or 9.

I hope I have learned my lesson too!!!! I had my 30 days, something I was SO proud of, and yet, I just ordered wine at dinner, like it was no big deal. IT IS A BIG DEAL!! I spent the day yesterday paying for it BIG time. I really feel back at square one again, and I hate that feeling.


Lets learn from our mistakes so we dont repeat them again! I dont like letting alcohol win.

[dancingon]

Lesson learned

Hi Overit
Makes you feel rotten doesn't it?
I ended up drinking last night too, after my ex called round. Stupid really. He has been plaguing me to take him back, but I know that would spell disaster. So he came to tell me that as a result he had a breakdown, drank 11 bottles of wine, drove to the supermarket and got arrested for assaulting a woman, for which he will appear in court next week. Now you would think that would strengthen my resolve, but the pressure and the blame got to me and I cracked. :upset:
Today, I'm nursing a cold and I will not drink. The kids don't know about their dad's escapades, but one out of control parent is enough. I don't want their childhood memories to be about drunk and disorderly parents.

I appreciate what everyone has said about moderating. I guess you have to come to the point where you recognise it yourself. I certainly don't get the enjoyment out of drinking that I think I will. Somewhere along the way, I moved from drinking to enjoy the taste of the wine to drinking to numb the pain. I never set out to get drunk, but just can't stop at two glasses if I'm at home. On the other hand, if I can set limits when I'm out in a social setting, I think maybe I can learn to do that at home. But maybe I'm just kidding myself.

[Doggygirl]

Lesson learned

What are your reasons for wanting to hang onto drinking at all?

DG

[rived]

Lesson learned

Wondering that myself, Doggygirl.

I keep wondering why some people want to learn to moderate their drinking at all. Is drinking so glamorous, appealing, even necessary to a normal life? I have just achieved 1 Week AF. I have no intention of ever having another drink again. I don't bemoan that thought nor am I envious of those who can drink one or two. I just KNOW that I am not meant to drink--not even a drop! I recognize from reading tons of posts here that many, if not all of us visiting this forum would do well with complete abstention.

Why drink? What is so damn important about it?

[mollyka]

Lesson learned

Nice one Rived, you sound so strong and determined, I have to be honest I WOULD love to be a moderate drinker - not to be tho!
Molly:sigh:

[Doggygirl]

Lesson learned

Hi Mollyka and Rived. Rived, you indeed sound like you have the right attitude for success.

I used to long to "drink one or two." Or that's what I told myself I was thinking. In reality, I just like to get drunk. My "AL voice" in my head knows that if i can be convinced to get the party started with "one" (hahahaha) then the game is on.

AL was destroying my life. I FINALLY surrendered 100% and realize I want no part of it. For me, AL is just misery in a bottle.

DG

[JackieClaire]

Lesson learned

Exactly DG,
Once I'd given up this infernal battle with the bottle and finally accepted I could never drink again without horrible consequences the rest was easier than I thought.

J x
:l

[rived]

Lesson learned

Yes, it does feel easy! I have finally done just that: I have accepted the fact that I CANNOT DRINK OR I WILL DIE!

[Doggygirl]

Lesson learned

JC and Rived, I totally agree that this whole thing got MUCH easier when my surrender was 100%. I *thought* I was 100% in at first, but I really wasn't. I was holding out a small bit of hope in the back of my head that I could be "fixed." I didn't realize at the time how that small amount of hope to drink again was making my journey SO much harder.

DG

[dancingon]

Lesson learned

Good point Doggy girl.
I guess it's not really drinking I want to hang onto, but the option to have and enjoy a glass of wine now and then. It sounds stupid but I think there is a grieving process you have to go through. A year ago I was able to drink moderately and occasionally and actually enjoy it. I'm a bit nostalgic for that. I used to love to go wine-tasting, or go visiting and share a bottle with friends. However, now that I'm drinking for different reasons I don't seem to be able to get back to that place of enjoyment, so I will more than likely opt to stay AF. It's not worth it.

[johnnyh]

Lesson learned

hey dancingon.

I have to mirrow a lot that was said here. I did a nearly 4 months AF stint last year and than thought I could handle a drink when my sister visited from Germany. It took me nearly a year to come back here and start over. So even after 3 months AF (and sure same would have applied to me after 6mths, 12 mths, and so on) same story. I drank more moderately for about a week or two and quickly went back into old patterns.

We're all different. But just another confirmation of someone it hasn't worked with. as Doggy Girl said. Consider the odds. I hear you what you're saying about the wish just having one glass of wine. A lot of us also wish they were 10 years younger, would have gotten into a different field of work when they could. I think the reality is we just can't turn back the clock. And you know a theory of mine?! no AL actually tastes great. When you were young, and you first had a sip of AL, Beer, wine, etc. not the alco pops they sell these days. those are dangerous. most ppl didn't like it?! same with whiskey, etc. THey say it's an acquired taste! why is it an acquired taste? Once you got used to it, I believe it's teh AL in teh drink that made it tasty. more teh effect of the sip than the taste of it?! I know it's a bit of a fare fetched theory maybe but I think there's a big sub conscious thing going on when one drinks AL, alcoholics, non alcoholics alike. Just a theory to consider? Anycase. It isn't worth it. that's my side of the story. But you'll get used to the idea eventually. I think you're right about the grieving process. You have to get into the right state of mind and than tackle the beast!!