Lesson learned

[dancingon]

Lesson learned

So true.
Didn't give Al a thought tonight, but i know once I start to feel better he'll be whispering in my ear, so I need to get strong and positive again.

[mollyka]

Lesson learned

Morning All
Dancingon, I agree with your previous post so much, I hadn't formulated it in words before, but yes I miss the former 'moderate' life that I had, the lazy afternoon barbques with friends (and wine) the dinners out with friends and family (and wine) the hols, the great half drunken chats with hubby over(guess what) a bottle of wine.............and on and on, it sounds a bit pathetic but it is a little bit of mourning for a lovely past before it turned into a nightmare and Johnny you are so right - it can never go back there, it is progressive and the knowledge of that will or should stop us ever trying to find it again, doesn't stop a little nagging 'grieving' I suppose:upset:
Have a lovely day everyone
Molly

[frances]

Lesson learned

Interesting discussion! I am on day 38 AF and gave it up for lent, so I'm coming up on when I was planning to try modding. But I do agree with posters who said, what's so great about it anyway? After these days AF I find that I don't feel like I'm missing out on so much - and it is really really great not to wake up hungover, ever. My mod plan is to only mod on special occasions. Never just when I'm at home on any given day. I've never done that, so it will be interesting to see how it goes. If I slip back into old habits, this will be the second time, and I'll have to really think harder about even drinking at all at that point. I will ponder today whether it's even worth it at all. To me, it does seem easier to simply say, I don't drink, rather than trying to come up with all these rules!

[mollyka]

Lesson learned

Frances, I am screaming silently -----don't touch it! Thats not fair I know, everyone is different but just in my own case I also strung together heaps of AF days last year and purposefully - not a slip - decided I would just have a few drinks on hols. It was a disaster. I was back to drinking as much as I ever had within two days and within a week or two my consumption was higher than it ever had been and stayed that way until I really screwed up again before Christmas. Again went AF for about 25 -30 days, feeling brill. and then - what can I say, drank again. My husband was on the verge of leaving me, my children were so upset, I felt like dirt under someones shoe etc etc. I will NEVER NEVER go there again. I have to stress Frances that is me and my story, maybe you will be really good at moderating - just think carefully about how you felt before the 38 days and how you feel now - you don't even sound that bothered about having alcohol. Lecture over - I apologize if I sound like I am pushing my views and experiences on to you - I really amn't but I do feel if I can save one person from that awful black place I found myself in it will be worth it!
Molly:l:l:l

[Doggygirl]

Lesson learned

Frances, two questions for your pondering pleasure:

What do you have to gain by drinking?

What do you have to lose by drinking?

I think if you thoroughly consider those two things (I suggest doing that in writing) then I think you will have your answer.

DG

[OverIt2007]

Lesson learned

Thats great Doggygirl!

I am going to put that in my phone (where I keep notes to myself)

I have ALOT of reminders in my phone to not drink!!! I just have to remember to read it all when I get tempted. I did NOT bother to do that when I screwed up a couple of days ago!!! Duhhhh!!!!! Maybe would have had a different outcome if I had!!!

[rived]

Lesson learned

Frances, I have to agree with Molly. I also know that we are all different, but AL is not like food or water--you don't need it to live. What is the appeal to moderating when you know what the poison can do to you? When you feel so good abstaining, what is the point of drinking on any occasion at all? Why do you think it is so important to be able to consume AL?

I think if you write down the answers to Doggygirl's questions it will become clear. If you have even the slightest problem with AL, my guess is that abstention is the only way. Instead of obsessing about moderating, why not put all that energy into your #1 priority: staying AL free?

I don't mean to lecture, either, but I have just arrived at a serendipitous epiphany in my own relationship with AL. It no longer has a place in my life--EVER! It's so simple, I can now just let it go and move on with my wonderful life! Done deal. It has to be a 100% commitment.

:crazymonkey:

[spuddleduck]

Lesson learned

mollyka, i share your thoughts about mourning the good times, the days before it became a nightmare. as you say, once we have reached a certain stage there is no going back to these days.

[frances]

Lesson learned

Thanks for the comments! I've not made up my mind even though I do realize there is really no reason to drink. Even though these days AF have not been too bad, that's probably because I went into this knowing that my eventual goal was to moderate. I do miss it and have been looking forward to Easter when I know I can have a drink, and start out again with the intention of only drinking on social occasions. After all these years drinking daily, albeit in a very "functioning" manner - I do realize that I might be fooling myself. Even though I said myself that it's probably easier just to say you don't drink at all then to worry about all the 'rules' associated with moderating - for some reason the thought of saying I won't drink again is extremely hard. I guess I don't really think it is important to drink, but I do really like having a drink with friends and of course, I do like to overdo it sometimes and that's what I want to stop. There is no point in that and all it does is make me feel like crap the next day. I'm very impressed with those of you that have decided you're totally through - no more alcohol for you - and I'm also happy for you! I'm sure it has taken a load off of your shoulders.

[Cinders]

Lesson learned

Great thread with a lot of valuable contributions.

I am with DG, in that my mind might say "one or two" but it really wants it all until I no longer exist. I am not sure what is in me that drives me to want to fade into nothing. I can't figure it out.

But I do know that even though I am a chronic failure at this, I am not going to give up and I know that moderation is simply not my goal. Abstinence is my only hope.

Love,
Cindi

[ATLThrash]

Lesson learned

Progressive disease

I had read somewhere that since alcoholism is a progressive disease that at a certain point you will just keep progressingdownward with the stuff until you hit some bottom-- either it will be one that is imposed on you, you surender to it and then you go on, you impose it on you, or you die. My shrink says that there are 2 diseases of addiction that are considered to be 100% terminal-- don't know where he got it--- but alcohloism is one, eating disorders are another. I juat knwo that when AL started making a lair out of me I realized that that was not what I wanted to be. And I don't mean the sneaking part or hiding the amount which alot of us do-- but some is the rationalizing about how much you had, teh effects of it and how much you can have. It was making me into a liar every day with that one. Well, it was important to me not to lie (even in my head) to set a good example and to be true to me. I am not always not drinking but my goal is not to drink Al-- basically now I am drinking moderately but that is really me going to nothing (I hope-- at least I am trying)-- I know what the goal is for sure!

[dancingon]

Lesson learned

We're all different. Frances, I think that, like you, I hoped that I was not too far down the Al path that I couldn't learn to moderate, at least on social occasions, where I rarely get out of control anyway. But we'll see. I may be kidding myself too, and I think everyone has to come to this realisation themselves.

I take on board what everyone has been saying about moderating slowing down their progress, and I feel like I'm prepared to go down that route if I have to. It may not be possible to go back to the good old days when wine was just a drink to enjoy with food and friends.

I certainly think I need a good long AF time before I decide, but now is such an emotionally charged time for me, right after my marriage break up and with my ex being an arse. On the other hand, it is really important to learn not to turn to AL when times get rough, so there is no time like the present.