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    #1

    Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

    Hi all,

    I have just had the most awful last 2 hours... my ex who had been nice to me, was supposed to be taking me and our son to the Aquarium tomorrow for my birthday.. but he asked me if he could stay the night after and I refused - this is the ex that assaulted me last year and I have had to call the police about 5 times in the last 2 months over his harrassing me.. he has since sent me dozens of voicemails (I won't answer my phone to him), and abusive text messages! I am so upset! :upset: It's my birthday tomorrow and we were supposed to be getting along for the sake of us having fun with our son.. but he has ruined it.. he said "no-one in the world gives a shit that its your birthday", and "get fucked", along those lines.. I dont think I can handle this.. I want to go out and buy some vodka and get drunk.. he's right, no-one does give a shit.. i hate myself right now! then i have the court case in 3 days where i have to face him and all his family.. i dont think i can take it anymore.. i feel like taking a couple of valium and drinking vodka to get rid of this pain.. can anyone help me please before i do this as i know if i end up in hospital i will lose custody of my son..
    "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

    :groupluv:
    Tags: None
    #2
    Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

    Hi Kate,

    I'm deeply hurt by your pain. Please stay right here. Don't blame yourself for your husband being such an idiot. I would say there are a lot of people (like your kid) who car about you. People on this forum. Like I said, I care and I deeply sympathise. As you said there's more at stake here. So don't do it.

    You can't change the people around you. You can only change yourself. Please keep writing.

    Love and peace.
    AF since 15th March 2010

    The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

    Comment

      #3
      Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

      Thank you so much Johnny..
      My ex is so narcisstic when he doesn't get his own way.. he sets out to hurt me and he does.. but I will not buy AL - today is my 4th Day AF.. I just spoke to my friend for 30 mins so I am feeling a bit better.. I know the only reason he is so cruel is that he cannot come to terms with the fact I do not want him back.. I put my valiums away too.. I have come too far to slip back to my old ways of self-harm and self-destruction.. I plan on having a good day with my son regardless of the fact it will be just 'us'.. i will not let my ex ruin my birthday! as for the court case.. i am just trying hard not to think about it.. and at least i have everyone's support on here.. that does help alot.. thanks again Johnny,
      xxx
      "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

      :groupluv:

      Comment

        #4
        Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

        Yes, Katie, you have our support and care. And lots of it.

        Keep your chin up. With regard to the court case, we're now down to hours (although quite a few of them) before it's all over.

        I have always told myself, when things are bad, that this will all be over in x hours. When I had my son, I ended up in ICU for 2 days. Now I tell myself that nothing can be as bad as that time and I survived that.

        How long have you got your son for tomorrow? Do you have time alone with him?

        As well as the Aquarium, why not treat yourself to afternoon tea or ice cream or something. Sit at a table with him and make a fuss of yourselves. Go somewhere that has waiter service - make yourself feel special. (I love Aquariums too.)

        Post in here as much as you can. Well done so far on choosing not to drink and putting the valium away. The ex is just trying to stir things up.

        Spam xxxx

        Comment

          #5
          Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

          You know. He is probably feeling rejected, can't cope with the fact that things didn't go his way. You know what happens when you corner an animal? The animal attacks. He can't get over his macho self and is trying everyghing to hurt you. Never let that get to you. I dispise man that act in a way like this.

          I'm with Spam on this. Treat yourself. Go to the aquarium, have your ice cream, etc. I understand it's for the good of the kid but you honestly dont' want to spend your birthday with him? Do you?
          AF since 15th March 2010

          The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

          Comment

            #6
            Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

            Well done for being strong Katie, I think it would be best to put all trips out with your x on hold permanently and try and move forward. Sometimes 1 parent is far better than 2. Have a wonderful birthday and remember your son loves you very much, that love will amount to 10 people loving you!! We are all here for you - take care and well done on day 4 :day4:

            Luv P x :l
            Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

            Comment

              #7
              Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

              KatieB,
              I am really proud of you for 1)thinking things through to their consequences and 2)asking for help. :goodjob:Those two things will go a long way in helping you to stay AF. Sometimes when we are in our own head, our thoughts can make us crazy....the BEAST, alcohol, tells us we need it when negativity comes into our lives. We do not need the Beast, alcohol will just make everything a million times worse.

              Yeah, your ex sounds like a classic abuser. His way or no way. It is all about control, not love or about your son. Probably keeping any communication to a minimum will help him to realize his place. He needs really firm boundaries from you, and you are getting stronger every day. You can do this. Your posts show that you are making so much progress.

              Happy Birthday, a little early. Maybe you can just make the day a time where you pamper yourself. A hot bath, give yourself a manicure and pedicure, lunch out with your son, a visit to the park and a walk outside. Have a tea party with your son later? A good book and lots of posting on here, with people who care and respect you. Celebrate yourself.

              Sending you strength and hope.:l
              Redhibiscus
              ______________________________

              Comment

                #8
                Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

                Thank you all so much..
                Spam - I have him for the whole day.. though at first my ex said he was going to pick him up early to "ruin my birthday" but he's agreed to not do that anymore.. I will make sure we have a fantastic day out and have some yummy food to eat at Darling Harbour after seeing the Aquarium.
                Johnny - that's exactly how my ex reacts.. or my friend also said he is the equivalent of a toddler having a tantrum.. he doesnt get his own way so starts throwing his (emotional this time) weight around at me..
                Panno - you are so right, my son's love is worth a whole family of people! i have to keep remembering that.. he is what's important, not my ex.. and i am so much happier without my ex.. as even when we were together he was rude to me a lot and got angry all the time.. i had to put up with him hooning/racing with other drivers when he got annoyed - even with his baby son in the back seat! he has scared the heck out of me so many times (and quite right since he did eventually assault me).. thanks again all, i will make sure me and my son have a great day, and I will steer clear of AL - it will only make me depressed,
                Katie xxx
                redhisbiscus - cross post! thank you also for your kind words.. tomorrow will be all about me and my son making the best out of the day.. i will pop on in the evening and let you all know how it went.. i will be too busy in the morning as i have to get us both ready and out the house early to catch the train!
                "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

                :groupluv:

                Comment

                  #9
                  Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

                  Good on you Katie!
                  Thinking of you here, and sending you lot's of special guitar strength, and positive vibes. Have a magical day tomorrow, happy birthday for tomorrow, and i think you are an amazing person.

                  'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                  Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

                    Katie, remember: those of us in the MWO family love you!

                    Happy Birthday, and enjoy your sweet son.
                    :crazymonkey: RivEd

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

                      Happy Happy Birthday for tomorrow KatieB

                      Your ex is so wrong - he really is clutching at straws - there are lots and lots of people who care about you and want you to have a great day tomorrow for your birthday. I wish I could come to the acquarium with you guys. I love them too although haven't been to one for so long. I have been to Darling Harbour about 2 years ago so can picture you there choosing where to get spoiled!!! Good on you. Enjoy your son. He is the most special thing to have happened to you.

                      I'll be looking to see how your special day went. So have a good one for yourself and your son and all of us as well!!!!
                      Developing an Attitude of Gratitude

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

                        Katie Happy birthday - get that toe-rag out of your life, it strikes me as more than coincidence that he tried to upset you so much 3 days before your court case, could he be hoping you would go off the rails and prove you an unfit mother?? Seems like he has failed BIG time on that score - well done Katie, you are a clever smart lady and your son is lucky to have you:goodjob:
                        Molly:bday7:
                        Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                        contentedly NF since 8/04/14

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

                          I agree with the last poster

                          It seems as if your ex is tryig to sabotage you. For whateevr reason that is wrong and toxic. My dad worked for years in the alcohol (biz" as he puts it-- he was an academic, edited the National Journal of Alcohol Studies and consulted all over Europe (and Australia) as wel about the drinking patterns of the citizens in different countries and how services coud be tailored to help folks get over their addicitions. It was a arduous struggle for many of the reasons that are noted on this forum. But the one thing he uniformly said in over 40 years of doing it is thgat the idea that somehow alcoholics are unfit from the word go as people and have some awful hideous personalities because of that and are undeserving of love and hep because they are morally weak is 100% wrong. That in his experience you woudl often not meet mroe loyal people and good people than addicts of all kinds-- they were sick and it was certainly not them that asked for it. Youare trying to get help for all the right reasons. If you are expressing high anxiety and the doc has prescribed valium for this purpose (and you don't abuse it-- I have always found that I don't abuse much except AL -- and food at times!) thee coudl be value in taking it once you need not go anywhere else or care for anyone else. It (and other BZs ) are often used for those just stopping adicition in order to give teh brain a chance to not be on overload-- a condition that I think makes us jump right back to whatever (AL) will obliterate the overload.

                          You have thought about it and if the valium does not suit or was not prescribed to help you for this or you feel not in a state to not harm yourself with it or anything else-- please keep posting, pm me if you need to-- we are here for you. I cannot speak to your legal situation as I do not know all the facts but I am a lawyer in a very litigious country (though I now stay home with my son and teach or write academically) and judges are very likely to look at your efforts to be well and to look at the behavior of all support folks in a child's life-- mom, dad, GPs etc-- and your ex has also wracked up quite a record just in the last months that I know of of the harassing behavior ( and as far as I know he has no chemical issue that he is addressing now that even mitigates it a bit). So please look at what you are trying to do-- be well -- and know that it is positive. Keep it up!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

                            KatieB, no thing or person is worth drinking over. NOBODY and NOTHING. Just keep moving forward and remember the serenity prayer. Accept what we can't change and move on, and change what we can. ("accept" doesn't mean "agree with" - just means we can't change other people!)

                            You have a beautiful life ahead of you without AL in it. Keep your eyes on the prize. If Ex can't behave, then it's his loss, not yours.

                            DG
                            Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                            Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                            One day at a time.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Feeling super-stressed/upset and want to get drunk

                              Thank you all so much,
                              I went to bed early last night and did not drink or take any valium.. ATLThrash you are right, they were not prescribed for that reason.. feeling much better today.. I have to go and get ready to catch the train, but it was so nice to read all your lovely supportive messages.. Doggygirl - you are totally right - be ex especially is not worth drinking over.. I am off to make sure we have a fantastic and fun day, and I will ensure I keep away from AL!
                              Katie xxx
                              "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

                              :groupluv:

                              Comment

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