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    #1

    How do I moderate?

    Hello!
    So, I went AF for 30 days with the view to moderating after that. So far it hasn't gone well and I've just fallen straight back into my old habits. Does anyone know of a good book on this subject? I found going AF for the 30 days hard at times but at least I knew the rules. Moderation just seems to be such a fuzzy target; i need guidelines to stick to.

    Anyway, thanks and best of luck with your weekends
    Tags: None
    #2
    How do I moderate?

    Don't know the % of people who try moderating and succeed ( the figure is out there somewhere I know I read it) but I do know that it is very low. Maybe you can but I can't. I suppose moderation is a quantity of alcohol that you pre-decide (is that a word?) and then stick to it.
    You're also from Ireland so the safety limit for women is 14 -21 units ( a unit being one Small glass of wine or a glass of beer or less than a pub measure of spirits) a week. I don't know about you Sophie but I could drink that amount before lunch on a Monday - and that is NOT a boast. I can't/couldn't IMAGINE the hassle of trying to divide up that over a week and experiencing self-disgust time and time again when I failed.
    I really sound like a grumpy old woman today in all my posts - sorry, but I think the concept of moderation for anyone who has an alcohol PROBLEM scares me.
    Molly
    Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
    contentedly NF since 8/04/14

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      #3
      How do I moderate?

      Sophie, in my opinion, if you need "rules" for moderation, then it is NOT for you. Why not just have one simple rule: DON'T DRINK!
      :crazymonkey: RivEd

      Comment

        #4
        How do I moderate?

        Sophie, I have tried to drink moderately after a period of abstinence (60 days for me) and I have seen many, many other people here try it. It seems to work for very few. The official My Way Out program calls on the aid of not only the supplements, hypnosis CD's, diet and exercise recommendations to try moderation, but ALSO the prescription drug Tompomax. That is the multiple pronged program that Roberta Jewell used. (author of the My Way Out book and owner of this forum) And she has since gone to abstinence rather than moderation.

        The odds of success are not in your favor. Not trying to rain on the parade - just present the facts so you know what you are up against if you decide to try it.

        If you had bad results before with moderation, my question would be... What are you doing different this time that you believe will change the outcome?

        DG
        Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
        Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

        One day at a time.

        Comment

          #5
          How do I moderate?

          Sophie there is a thread here called monthly moderation & long term moderators,buzz in there & check it out,like others here have said i tried moderation and i personally could not do it,goodluck


          :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

          Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
          I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

          This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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            #6
            How do I moderate?

            Sophie - I understand. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I just don't see myself as being able to moderate. Once I have a drink, I want/crave/must have MORE. I hope the monthly moderation thread has more answers for you.
            "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
            ..........
            AF - 7-27-15

            Comment

              #7
              How do I moderate?

              I had tried moderation after being 3 months AF. It worked for awhile but eventually I got sucked right back into daily drinking. For some of us-moderation is unattainable. It's something we wish for but in reality it's not an option.

              Moderation for me took up more effort (ie. spacing the drinks, watching the clock, etc.) than choosing not to drink. Choosing not to drink, well, you just don't drink. Yeah it's hard at first, but I kept busy during those witching minutes, hours, days.

              Definately check the mod threads. & see if mod. is for you.

              Good luck.
              :notes:
              My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves me altogether.

              "When enough is enough, that's when you know your half way there"-Tim Mcllrath

              Comment

                #8
                How do I moderate?

                Different for different countries?

                I saw hte post re: moderation being a certain amount in Ireland-- does it differ in different countries? By cultural standard I guess? Here I would think (in the US) that so called experts would freak if we drank 21 units a week and thought that was moderate (unless that was a male)-- but I am not sure what teh standards are. I know for me- the most drinks I woudl have in a day was 5 glasses of wine or 6 beers over lots of hours (less than a pint each) and for me I felt that that was bad for myself. It was not that I did anything embarrassing or drank and drove or had health issues but I was htinking about drinking and that just did nto work for me. I am new and knwo that since I have tried to be AF that what I really would be considered to be doing is moderating at times-- as in-- I might have one or two -- stop-- and feel very guilty because I wanted to be AF. Better but like you said-- easier as a rule to say none for me is my goal. Good luck!

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                  #9
                  How do I moderate?

                  This might be of help it calculates the units world wide. All I could find at the moment.

                  Units of Drink Calculator

                  J x
                  :l
                  It could be worse, I could be filing.
                  AF since 7/7/2009

                  Comment

                    #10
                    How do I moderate?

                    It's true that the social stigma or what is 'acceptable' is different in different cultures, but our bodies are all the same. From my reading, women should only have 2 AL drinks per day, no more than 3 days a week. If you are genetically predisposed to alcoholism, the number should be zero. I've read a lot about the fact that a some point in our over-drinking, we cross an invisible line, where our brain chemistry changes toward the effects of AL. Have you noticed you can drink more and more, and not feel that old 'buzz' we used to get when we first started drinking, and drank normally. There is NO erasing that line; once we've crossed it, it becomes impossible to drink with a take-it-or-leave-it attitude. We may continue to chase that old feeling, but all we end up with is a black-out and hangover. I hope you're one of the ones who can moderate. You've been given some very good pointers and info by the others.
                    sigpic
                    Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                    awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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                      #11
                      How do I moderate?

                      So interesting

                      Really shows that it is highly personal and affected by tons of influences doesn't it?

                      Comment

                        #12
                        How do I moderate?

                        rubywillow, ill like your way of putting it about crossing the line. i know i have chased the 'nice' drinking times where i could have a buzz and a good time but its so true, once you have crossed the line there is no going back, or so it seems to me. a lot of people here have said that once you accept that you cant drink it becomes much easier to know the boundaries. you just dont drink
                        Today is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
                        Keep passing the open windows

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                          #13
                          How do I moderate?

                          Yep with me-- the line was crossed (I was not an Intervention show type drinker but it was an issue for me)-- know I can't go back- might be drinking way less but the goal is still AF for me. Good luck with it all!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            How do I moderate?

                            As regards the units considered safe, that works out at 2-3 small (very small when measured) glasses of wine a day. I reckon what most people call a glass of wine is probably at least 2 units, and home drinkers even non-problem drinkers ,I bet a spirit poured in the house is probably about 3-4 units, so getting to 14 units in a week is actually very little even to a normal drinker.
                            Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                            contentedly NF since 8/04/14

                            Comment

                              #15
                              How do I moderate?

                              I can't recommend any books, although based on what you've written, I can recommend another course of action; abstinence. Your experience is similar to my own and many other members here. True moderation is usually an effortless endeavour, devoid of the constant mental fixation and struggle associated with trying to control drinking. My advice would be to make it easier on yourself and just remain AF. Your life will be no worse off without alcohol, and as you have noted, the rules are much clearer.

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