i don't know how i'm going to do it

[saucey]

hello. i'm here because i don't believe in AA but i need serious help/support. i'm 23 and i've been an alcoholic for just three years yet the damage it's already done to my body and my life has been immense.

i grew up as a lonely child. my parents didn't drink. we never had alcohol in our house. my first drink was at sixteen. a boy from school got me drunk and took advantage of me. the rest of my high school career i didn't have much interest in drinking though i did smoke a lot of weed and experimented with many other drugs.

i started dating a boy who my family liked very much when i was eighteen. he was an alcoholic and i still didn't have much interest in drinking at the time. he cheated on me a lot and we fought all the time. he would get drunk and beat me. one night i needed stitches and he was arrested for domestic abuse. my family wouldn't talk to me because they felt that i ruined his life. the few close girlfriends that i did have didn't want to hang out with me because they all had boyfriends and were to busy to hang out with a single loser such as myself.

i started dating a different man shortly after i broke up with my first boyfriend. he cheated on me with underage girls. after yet another failed relationship something in me changed. i was convinced no one including my own family would ever love me. i felt so tired. so beaten down that something in me just snapped.

i met a boy from high school at a party and we became instant best friends. however, he is an alcoholic. i began hanging around many other alcoholics. some of them wont admit they're alcoholic but they are. i started living in this world where people did everything drunk. i live in wisconsin and some might say that it's part of the lifestyle here. we would wake up and start drinking. drinking during the day and the night time too. i felt like alcohol was just what i needed to not feel.

during this time i met the only man who ever truly loved me. that relationship failed because of my drinking. alcohol was love to me.

i drink for every reason there is to drink. i drink because i'm happy or i'm sad. i drink to not feel. i drink to feel close to other people. i drink because i'm shy. i drink because i like the person i am better when i'm drunk. i drink because everyone else is always drinking. and that's why its so hard for me to stop.

my family doesn't even realize what an alcoholic i am.

i only drink booze. and when i drink, i drink a lot. i once drank nearly a bottle of gin every day for nine months straight. the day that i stopped i had my first alcohol withdrawal. the alcohol withdrawals were so severe that i started having hallucinations. i heard voices. i had my first real panic attack and was so scared that i went to the hospital. i didn't even know at the time that you could have alcohol withdrawals. i never had anxiety before that and now i have anxiety all the time. i feel like something in me died that day.

i need help but i don't know how i'm going to get it. i go to school full time and drinking is starting to take it's toll on that. to live in wisconsin and not drink is too live a very lonely and isolated life. it's easy for me to not drink when i'm alone. but hanging out with people always involves drinking. they know that i'm trying hard to stop and they don't care. they throw drinks in my face like it's funny. i just don't know what to do.

[AMELIA]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Hey Saucey,
Welcome honey.
I am so sorry to read that at such a young age you are having a big problem with booze.
The fact that you are here, aware of and admitting to your use of booze is a great start.

Peer pressure can be immense at your age and I can understand how you can get drawn into the drinking crowd and once you start down that road, it is very easy to get completely caught up.
Your drinking 'friends' will try to keep you doing what you have been doing so that they don't have to think about their drinking.
Hell, I am 40 and when I tell some of my drinking 'friends' I no longer drink, I get the 'you're no fun' crap from them. You would think they would know better!!

Bottom line is, we know how much damage we are doing to our bodies and lives by being drunk all the time. It may be fun sometimes, but long term, you are right to say it destroys your health, relationships, grades etc etc.

Is there any way you can talk to your parents? Surely they have some idea that you are drinking to some extent? I know if I had a 23 year old daughter and she came to me and admitted that she had a problem with booze, I would go out of my way to find the necessary help.

Can you approach a teacher or counsellors at school?
You are/have been drinking huge amounts and it will take it's toll on your body if you don't address it.
Is a family doctor an option?
Keep on coming and posting here. You need to find as much support as you can get to help you deal with your drinking.
Sending you a big cyber hug.:l:l:l

[Gold]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Hi Saucey and :welcome:

You will find lots of help and support here, but from what you have written it sounds as though you will also need some professional help at least in the short-term. I can't advise about withdrawals (thankfully) but there are plenty of other people who can and they will be along.

As Amelia has suggested perhaps there is a school counsellor that you could speak to, I doubt you would be the first to approach them. Your situation seems to require a lot of changes in your life, beginning as ever with the first step which is the choice to be sober and a plan of how you are going to do it, if you are determined to stop drinking and change your life then you will.

Avoid thinking too much about the future and how you will cope around friends and so on, take things day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute if necessary. You are the priority, if your friends and family don't support that, then use us and professional support to help you through. Not all families are supportive., sometimes they don't know how to cope themselves.

[mollyka]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Saucy
You poor little thing, what an awful lot to deal with at 23. Ok for starters I agree with everything Amelia and Gold have said so I won't say them again. I started hanging out with a group of lads mainly when I was 17-18 they were a bit older (early 20s) and appeared very glamorous to me cos they had money and cars and I was only a student. They drank like fishes and therefore so did I. The reason I'm telling you this is because very recently I heard from one of them (30 yrs later) -two are dead, one is terminally ill with liver cancer and the one I was talking to (who also was my first love) gave up drink 20 yrs ago and told me that that was the happiest day of his life.
Saucy, you know (or should know) this will only get worse, at the levels you are drinking you are right, the damage to your body could become immense, get help from anyone, this place was my only help but it sounds like you need medical help.
You have no idea how easily this whole mess is to fix, just stop drinking (see previous, get med help), do you really want to be friends with someone who would throw drink in your face, lonely is better any day - sweetheart there is a big wide world out there waiting for a strong sober you - those people are NOTHING.
Like Amelia, except I'm 50+ I have/had friends who tell/told me I'm boring without drink - do I need them in my life - No, and neither do you
Keep posting you have made a colossal first step:welcome:
Molly:l

[clare]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

welcome you can do it, you have just taken a giant step,keep posting and reading reading reading.goodluck

[johnnyh]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Hey Saucey,

Look Alcoholism is a progressive disease. So though things might seem bad, be glad that you have come to the realisation now that you have a problem you need to deal with and not 5-10 years down the line or longer.

It's a tough road but the alternative has only got one outcome.

In response to the title of your post. We like to say here you need to take things one day at a time. Don't worry too much what an uphill struggle this is going to be going forward. Tackle this one day at a time. Someone here told me a couple of weeks ago, you need to get through today first in order to get through tomorrow.

This forum is full of great people. A lot of them (included me) struggling in the early stages and some here that have been Alcohold Free (AF) for several months, years at times.

I'd suggest you read up in teh meds section on supplements, etc as well. But I would suggest tackling this with a doctor if you're struggling with severe withdrawel symptoms.

[hillsidetime]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Hi Saucy, I read your post and I am glad that you have found this site. I wish I could give you a big hug. This site is full of wonderful people who can give you a lot of great feedback and ideas. There are a lot of caring people here too who will be here for you. You have stated a lot of things in your post, and it seems that trying to get sober might be a good first step indeed. The rest you can look at in time, piece by piece. Hang in there,
Hill

[Lavande]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Hi Saucey,

Welcome to MWO, this is a good place!
I'm sorry that you've had such a difficult life but you can change it right now! Stop drinking before anything gets worse.

By all means, talk to your parents, talk to a counselor at school, talk to a doctor!
Forget the friends for now, your life, your future musy be your top priority.

Download & read the MWO book from the Health Store, it's about $12. Then look in the Tool Box (located in the Monthly Abstinence section) for good ideas on how to make you plan.

Please get the help you need now, you deserve a better life without AL!
Wishing you the best on your journey. Please feel free to drop in the Newbies Nest thread for more support.

Lav

[fennel]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Hi Saucey;
I'm a WI girl, too. You've taken an important first step by coming here!

I know WI has a huge drinking culture, but I know lots of people who don't drink. I hope we'll be seeing you around here! :welcome:

[OverIt2007]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Awww, Sweetie...

I just wish I could give you a big old hug. You found a great place to help you in your desire to get this problem under control. We are here to help and support you in whatever it is you need, whether it be advice, or just an ear to listen to you.

If you have to start sometime, why not now??? Thats my motto, so jump on board and lets start figuring out what its going to take to get this young sweet girl sober!

You can do it!!!!


:l

Overit

[planetjanet]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Welcome Saucey!

Wow thank you so much for sharing your story, it just brought tears to my heart. I agree with what everyone has said and be proud of yourself for addressing it now then later. Keep posting and definitely get into the chat room as well, there people here to help you, myself included. Trust me when I say that there is a light at the end of the tunnel with this, there really is.

Stay strong and keep us posted.

Lots and lots of hugs to you....

[Doggygirl]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Hi Saucey. I'm so glad for you that you recognize NOW the problems that AL is causing in your life. Things only get worse with alcohol - never better.

I too felt very isolated when I got sober and felt a bit like "everyone drinks." I found out that "everyone" does NOT drink but of course I had to make a lot of changes to the places I was looking for friendship.

I know you said you are not interested in AA. I'm not pushing it - just because it works well in my program doesn't mean it would work in yours. One thing I WILL say about AA is that for me, it's been a great place to meet people who don't drink. I have made quite a few new friends and now do some socializing with them outside of AA. That part has been really good. Just something to think about.

Mean time, you CAN stop drinking. And your life will eventually get better. Not perfect, but better.

DG

[Rusty]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Welcome Saucey,
I am from Wisconsin, too, and I know how hard it is because so many little towns here have a bar on every corner. Regarding your friends who drink, are there new hobbies you can develop so you can be around people who DON'T drink? I am finding out there are a lot of people in the little town I live in that don't drink. But you are SO young to face these problems alone. Many community colleges offer free counseling for students.

You are extremely mature and wise beyond your years to admit you have a problem. Your "friends" sound extremely immature. And don't give up on relationships with guys who are SOBER. You wouldn't want to get involved with a problem drinker.

You have your whole life to look forward to....and a lucky guy is going to see what a lovely person you are. Feel free to private message me.

Sending lots of hugs and good thoughts to you, Saucey.

Rusty

[Panno]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Hi Saucey

I am so pleased you have come to this site. People here have fantastic advice for you to take on board, reading through the posts, you have been given lots of tools to work with to begin and though its a struggle to start please trust us when we say it really does get easier. I was very touched by your story, my own daughter is 23 and I know if she came to me a problem I would be right there for her. Good luck on your journey :thumbs:

[Sophie75]

i don't know how i'm going to do it

Saucey a huge welcome to you. You have done the brave thing recognising you need help. You have real friends here, believe me. Stick with us and ask us anything you want. You will never be on your own.:l