how to get over past mistakes
Thank you so much, Gold... your endless wisdom and articulation is amazing.. you let me see things so clearly.. You are right on all levels; I did "pay" for the things I did when under the influence.. legally and with my emotional pain and suffering. But I choose not to suffer anymore but be a better person.. You are also right in that my experiences have led me to be a more compassionate, and maybe, wise person too - I have always been caring, but the fact of the things I have gone through enables me to understand others more and empathise - that's why when sometimes as a nurse I get a patient with anxiety, depression or AL issues, I am able to be the best person I can be to help them, and do not judge.. someone even said "I can tell that you really understand me"..
Also, as you said - not being able to drive has led to some good things - for one I am saving a heap of money by not having to buy petrol, car maintenance and yearly rego's etc.. plus I do get to take my son on the train a lot which he absolutely loves, being a big "Thomas" fan! plus I am also getting so fit with the walking I have to do.. and with walking you get to look at things more closely.. and my son does get my full attention rather than when driving you have to concentrate on the road..
so thank you for helping me to see your wise perception..
I just wish as per the assault that my ex would just admit to it rather than me put me through all this anxiety and stress.. i've had to pay for my mistakes, he needs to pay for his..
And yes, at least now I know fully the effect AL has on me.. and it was my impetus to change.. I am lucky in the fact I have recognised this before anything worse happened to me.. I just have to be aware and stay aware and not let my guard down to AL again.. leaning on AL has led me to seek help with my low self-esteem and depression.. so in a way I could maybe even be grateful? as now I am getting the help I need to have a happy life and put the past behind me..
Thanks again so much Gold, and to everyone else that has also offered me kind words and support.
Love Katie xxxxx
Gold;830972 wrote: Hi Katie,
I think it is natural to reflect on how we got to where we are once we start to make changes in our lives.
The key phrase you used is the "things done whilst under the influence", another term is intoxicated, your behaviours were influenced and poisoned by the alcohol you consumed. You are not that person in reality, I'm not advocating denying responsibility for the things that happened but suggesting that you do not identify yourself now with the actions at that time. Your primary responsibility has been to choose whether to remain under alcohol's influence knowing how it affects you, and you have chosen to be free of the influence of alcohol which is to be commended. In addition you have recognised that your desire to be influenced by alcohol was driven by feelings of low self-esteem which you are now addressing.
These things are in the past and the only thing you can change is how you see them. Perhaps they were loud calls for your attention to be the impetus for change, and you heard them. You are starting afresh and what you have learned and are still learning is compassion and understanding for yourself and others. Try not to feel guilty and overcompensate for your perceived failings, move on wiser and determined to be all that you can be.
I don't believe that your husband's attack on you was karma for your actions whilst drinking, after all you have paid for those actions with your DUI and your subsequent actions to change things. Your husband did not have to assault you, that was his decision alone.
You are not a failure, your son is young and will grow up with a strong, compassionate, supportive mother. As to not being able to drive him to places, he gets to go on the train and buses, I used to arrange special trips to experience a train ride or a bus ride when mine were small, there is so much to see and fun to have on public transport for a small child. I realise it is much less convenient than driving but he is a lucky little boy to have the experience and your full attention on your journey's together.
Let go of your worry about the past and enjoy the present with your son, it's the little things they remember, train rides, candy floss, donkey rides, simple things.
I think it is natural to reflect on how we got to where we are once we start to make changes in our lives.
The key phrase you used is the "things done whilst under the influence", another term is intoxicated, your behaviours were influenced and poisoned by the alcohol you consumed. You are not that person in reality, I'm not advocating denying responsibility for the things that happened but suggesting that you do not identify yourself now with the actions at that time. Your primary responsibility has been to choose whether to remain under alcohol's influence knowing how it affects you, and you have chosen to be free of the influence of alcohol which is to be commended. In addition you have recognised that your desire to be influenced by alcohol was driven by feelings of low self-esteem which you are now addressing.
These things are in the past and the only thing you can change is how you see them. Perhaps they were loud calls for your attention to be the impetus for change, and you heard them. You are starting afresh and what you have learned and are still learning is compassion and understanding for yourself and others. Try not to feel guilty and overcompensate for your perceived failings, move on wiser and determined to be all that you can be.
I don't believe that your husband's attack on you was karma for your actions whilst drinking, after all you have paid for those actions with your DUI and your subsequent actions to change things. Your husband did not have to assault you, that was his decision alone.
You are not a failure, your son is young and will grow up with a strong, compassionate, supportive mother. As to not being able to drive him to places, he gets to go on the train and buses, I used to arrange special trips to experience a train ride or a bus ride when mine were small, there is so much to see and fun to have on public transport for a small child. I realise it is much less convenient than driving but he is a lucky little boy to have the experience and your full attention on your journey's together.
Let go of your worry about the past and enjoy the present with your son, it's the little things they remember, train rides, candy floss, donkey rides, simple things.
Also, as you said - not being able to drive has led to some good things - for one I am saving a heap of money by not having to buy petrol, car maintenance and yearly rego's etc.. plus I do get to take my son on the train a lot which he absolutely loves, being a big "Thomas" fan! plus I am also getting so fit with the walking I have to do.. and with walking you get to look at things more closely.. and my son does get my full attention rather than when driving you have to concentrate on the road..
so thank you for helping me to see your wise perception..
I just wish as per the assault that my ex would just admit to it rather than me put me through all this anxiety and stress.. i've had to pay for my mistakes, he needs to pay for his..
And yes, at least now I know fully the effect AL has on me.. and it was my impetus to change.. I am lucky in the fact I have recognised this before anything worse happened to me.. I just have to be aware and stay aware and not let my guard down to AL again.. leaning on AL has led me to seek help with my low self-esteem and depression.. so in a way I could maybe even be grateful? as now I am getting the help I need to have a happy life and put the past behind me..
Thanks again so much Gold, and to everyone else that has also offered me kind words and support.
Love Katie xxxxx
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