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    #1

    had enough of AL, here for support

    Hey all,

    I am back on the forum after a hiatus of 3 months or more. In that time I have gotten into a very exclusive PhD program, extricated myself from a bad relationship, moved... so much happening that I somehow lost my handle on AL. I have been on a crazy binge for a few days, not able to work... just behaving badly. My intention was to let it go and enjoy the summer before moving far away to a new city. But I now realize that I can't ever lose my focus when it comes to AL. As long as I am alive, I am going to have to keep a close eye on it or I will end up in trouble again.

    Now I am dealing with physical symptoms and emotional distress. I hate myself when I drink and shirk responsibilities. The lies I have to tell, the apologies and disapointment. Waking up and wondering how big of a fool did I make of myself the night before. I want to move forward and get better so I plan to stay home and out of the bars this weekend. Go home for easter, thats it...

    I wish I did not have this terrible problem. Starting now to begin healing again. No more drunken phone calls or missed shifts. Its not going to be easy and so I am here for support.

    Thanks,

    Liath

    If you know me, then
    Liath
    Tags: None
    #2
    had enough of AL, here for support

    Going into the chat if anyone has a free minute...
    Liath

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      #3
      had enough of AL, here for support

      I'll go chat with you.
      sigpic
      Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

      Comment

        #4
        had enough of AL, here for support

        glad to see you ..welcome back liath and sound like a great plan .. just do your best and come here .. useeverything you can to help you get where you want to be in life ...
        :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
        best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

        Comment

          #5
          had enough of AL, here for support

          Hi Liath,

          We joined MWO at the same time last year. Sorry you've had difficulties but glad you came back for support. You know this is a good place

          Please feel free to join us in the Newbies Nest, I'm still hanging around there, it's too comfortable to leave.

          Wishing you the best!
          Lav
          AF since 03/26/09
          NF since 05/19/09
          Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

          Comment

            #6
            had enough of AL, here for support

            Thanks Lav and tlgrs. Every day is going to get better for me as long as I dont binge. Just need a helping hand to get started again. I can NEVER let my guard down when it comes to AL. So tired of upsetting and disapointing others.... especially myself!
            Liath

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              #7
              had enough of AL, here for support

              I think my biggest problem is that whenever I binge I not only feel bad physically but also I start to worry that I am a bad person. The kind of person who is self absorbed, uses people. In my heart I know this is not me, but too much AL makes me do and say stupid, stupid things. How do I forgive myself? How do I move on? Its not as if I want to tell everyone the truth about what is wrong with me... I just want to get over it on my own!
              Liath

              Comment

                #8
                had enough of AL, here for support

                Hi Liath, I am new here too. I stayed sober yesterday after a binge myself. The mental anquish and emotional turmoil of detox is aweful. Yesterday was terrible, but thankfully i made it to today sober and it went worlds better. Hang in there.
                Jb

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                  #9
                  had enough of AL, here for support

                  Liath,

                  You don't have to tell anyone anything about yourself if you don't want to!
                  Even though I'm on this website 'talking' to people here all the time - I don't talk to anyone in person about my problem. I'm actually a very private person, like to handle my problems on my own.
                  I did it - you can too Hang in there, talk to all of us here, we don't argue or judge!

                  beanzy, good to hear you did well! Each day will get a little easier
                  AF since 03/26/09
                  NF since 05/19/09
                  Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    had enough of AL, here for support

                    Hi Liath,

                    I am so sorry I missed you on chat when you obviously needed support, and I think I let you down. Like you, I have had an impossible time trying to forgive myself, when I know everyone else has....because I 've asked everyone I've hurt if they've forgiven me and they've said, "of course!" Thank God. Like Lavande, I am a very private person and I want to tackle this issue on my own, and that's why I come here. I feel safe, I can vent my feelings, and read other people's posts to make me feel better.
                    Just think of what you're accomplishing with your PhD program! I am so proud and happy for you, and you're wise to get a grip on this beast before its grip takes you down forever.

                    PM me if you want to chat.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      had enough of AL, here for support

                      Liath, I would like to invite you to come visit the thread "OK Who's Ready to get Their Asses in Gear?" It is a small group and both Rubywillow and Tlrgs, who I love and admire, are both apart of it. You need someone to help you daily and maybe a small group would help. Best of love and luck to you!
                      I'm not what I should be, I'm not what I could be. I'm definetly not who I want to be,
                      but I'm sure not who I used to be!

                      There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still.

                      "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." Phil 4:13

                      Comment

                        #12
                        had enough of AL, here for support

                        Liath;831853 wrote: I think my biggest problem is that whenever I binge I not only feel bad physically but also I start to worry that I am a bad person. The kind of person who is self absorbed, uses people. In my heart I know this is not me, but too much AL makes me do and say stupid, stupid things. How do I forgive myself? How do I move on? Its not as if I want to tell everyone the truth about what is wrong with me... I just want to get over it on my own!
                        Rusty;831977 wrote: Hi Liath,

                        I am so sorry I missed you on chat when you obviously needed support, and I think I let you down. Like you, I have had an impossible time trying to forgive myself, when I know everyone else has....because I 've asked everyone I've hurt if they've forgiven me and they've said, "of course!" Thank God. Like Lavande, I am a very private person and I want to tackle this issue on my own                        , and that's why I come here. I feel safe, I can vent my feelings, and read other people's posts to make me feel better.
                        Just think of what you're accomplishing with your PhD program! I am so proud and happy for you, and you're wise to get a grip on this beast before its grip takes you down forever.
                        I used to think I was "tackling my problem on my own" by coming to MWO. For me, in reality, I was "tackling my problem on my own" before I came to MWO, and before I talked to ANYONE live or on the internet. THEN I was truly ALONE with my problem and my best efforts to not drink didn't work. It wasn't until I started engaging with people here at MWO and sharing a bit of what it felt like that I was able to start making any progress. So for me, I don't think of my participation here as being alone with my problem. (Thank God!)

                        Liath, I think the very best way we can atone for the baggage of our pasts is to do the RIGHT things going forward. If we are sober, we have a shot at making much better decisions about things. You can do this.

                        DG
                        Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                        Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                        One day at a time.

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