I am so sorry MWO!

[Anotherday]

I think I might have posted while drunk and don't remember what I posted and would have to be drunk in order to go back and read what I posted and I don't want to do that and I sit here and type this sober.

Things got to be too much and I drank and blacked out and now I'm having to retrace my steps (see if I bought anything on Ebay, check phone calls, etc, YIKES). I sure hope I did not make a complete fool of myself or offend anyone. It won't happen again!

Today I am going to a SMART meeting. It's been ages since I blacked out and now I see I cannot drink at all given the fact I'm on all these psychotropic meds or I risk blackouts and I hate blackouts. Scary stuff and sorry again! And now I am going to slither away in shame and go back to bed.

AD

[Rusty]

I am so sorry MWO!

Dear Anotherday,

I read through all your posts and you never said anything the least bit offensive, etc. You are going through a horrible time with your father's illness and hospice care. You are carrying a huge burden. I have gone through it as many others here have, too. No need to apologize, so don't waste time going through all your previous posts.

One thought is....all those meds might be making you feel worse. I know from being on ADs a long time ago, they are brutal on the body and mind at times.

You are wonderful and PM me and let me know how you are once you've rested.

Rusty

[Quit Quitting]

I am so sorry MWO!

Hi AD

Do not feel you have to apologise on here. We all know how difficult it can be to say no, and when we start drinking how we find it hard to stop. Put this episode behind you, tomorrow is another day. Waking up the next day and not remembering is awful been there and I hope I do not go there again, but who knows.

I have only been here a few days and I already know others on this site do not prejudge we are there to help each other.

Hope you are feeling better when you wake up. xx

[Lavande]

I am so sorry MWO!

Anotherday,

I looked at your posts from last night - you have no need to apologize for anything.
I'm very sorry that you are feeling so down about your Dad. It is tough to deal with the passing of our parents, went through it myself many years ago.

I hope you find some solace & strength at your meeting today.
Please remember mixing AL with sleeping pills, anti-anxiety meds, etc. is very dangerous - don't do it anymore! You are risking much more than a blackout with that behavior.

Get rid of the wine, don't buy anymore!
Look at your plan, revise it to be sure you have safer, healthier behaviors ready to cover those moments when you feel sad.

Please take care of yourself, you owe yourself that much!

Lav

[LT]

I am so sorry MWO!

AD,

I have been there too -- one time on E-Bay I bid on at least 14 shower curtains -- ofcourse I won them all!!! I was a mess! Keep coming here and as the previous posts stay no need to look back...

I find that keeping sparkling water with a little bit of cranberry juice (a dollup for flavor) is very refreshing. Also, I've been on all of those meds... PM me if you want to chat...

Also, if you'd like a shower curtain I am certain that I have one that could enhance your bathroom.

lt :l

[IAD]

I am so sorry MWO!

Another Day....it's another day ! March forward........Start new. Most of us don't remember what you posted. It never happened ! Best of luck ! IAD

[Guest]

I am so sorry MWO!

AD - I'm "ahead" in time so can often see your posts as they come up.

I can ASSURE you that you posted on the ODAT thread about your dad. And then you said you were drinking. Nothing nasty, nothing embarrassing.

Read my first post on the ODAT Saturday thread.

Just remember One Day at a Time and climb back up if you fall off the wagon. Here, have a hand....

Read back on the Friday thread. A few of us have been in the same situation. We can't make things better for you but we can listen. It's BLOODY hard to know you're not going to see your dad as a strong man again but you can and will get through this. PM me. Hubby and I have completely different experiences and maybe hearing them will help you in the next few weeks.

Hugs and strength,

Spam xx

[rubywillow]

I am so sorry MWO!

AD, tho you may not believe me, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. We had a difficult exchange, (something that typically happens involving politics) but I NEVER want to see someone suffering like I have in the past. Your sobriety is important. After nursing my parents through their terminal illnessess, and losing them a year apart, I know it takes a tremendous toll on every fiber of us. Don't feel shame here because of AL; it is the culprit, we just allow ourselves to become its tool. I hope we can agree to disagree on some issues, but remember we're here to fight the same battle, and support each other. Don't let anything I posted keep you away from this wonderful place, and all the help being offered you.

[sick of being sick]

I am so sorry MWO!

Anotherday, we have all been there, committing to not drinking and doing it again. Forget and forgive yourself! The key is to get back up and start again. We are all here to love you and help you get through it. You can do this! Come visit the thread "OK Who's Ready to Get Their Asses in Gear". Both Ruby and Tlrgs, who I love and respect, is a part of this small group. Don't look back, don't look forward, just take one day at a time and don't drink today. That is our goal! Best of love and luck to you! Love, Vicki

[Anotherday]

I am so sorry MWO!

Thank you all. I love you all and you're wonderful for saying I didn't say anything stupid or inappropriate. I just could not bring myself to go back and read my posts without being drunk and I don't want to do that. I will PM those who said it's ok to do so. I had to LOL :H LT to your shower curtain story. How funny! I bet you weren't laughing at the time though! At least I hope you didn't pay too much for them! I did check on Ebay and did not buy anything. That's a relief. No stupid phone calls except I did drunk dial a friend 4 or 5 times and he let me know (he is in AA) that he knew I was drinking. Moral of the story - there is a reason they put all those "Do not drink alcohol with this drug" labels on those bottles.

I spoke with my mother and the hospice thing is now sinking in - the reality that my dad's days are numbered. I asked her how she will do once he is gone and she said it will be different but that he'll be in a better place. I have not mentioned it, I don't think, but he has end stage Alzheimer's. He hasn't known who I am for a long time. It is getting hard for him to swallow, etc. He's been in this lockdown unit for years - no way to live. So I know it's for the best but I don't want to see him in a coffin. They say funerals are for the living, and this living would just as soon not have that visual, but I know it's coming. I just cannot see myself having to go through those motions anymore than I could see myself putting my dog to sleep two years ago (and I had to be on pills for that) yet I did do that. I should not be thinking of these things but I am. I should be baking a cake instead. One thing I may do to get through this time period is to seriously start baking. Baking can be elaborate and take a lot of time and energy, depending on the recipe. I may buy a bigger freezer and just bake and freeze stuff. It's an option as it would keep me busy and my mind off of things while giving me an outlet to do something creative. I don't have to eat it. I can just bake it. Then I can invite someone over to eat it. Or I could cook things and freeze them too. I rue the day I bought such a small freezer for this place. At any rate, I am going to need something to channel my energy into, I think.

Thank you again everyone.

Oh, and I'd like to add, I read this over and I realize I sound very matter of fact. The thing with Alzheimer's is that so much of the loss is processed over the years. I remember - it must have been 10 years ago - visiting him and him saying things to me that just sent me into pain and running to the bottle. I was a mess. I was just coming to terms with the loss of him then. I flew back home drunk. I got drunker when I got home. I ended up with a broken rib as a result of all of that. My point is that I am going to miss him, but I've been missing "him" for ten years now. Now I just lose the physical him. I don't know how it's going to feel as it's already been so many years getting used to him being gone.

[rubywillow]

I am so sorry MWO!

Bake it, and donate it, AD. That way you get a warm feeling twice.

[Anotherday]

I am so sorry MWO!

rubywillow;832705 wrote: Bake it, and donate it, AD. That way you get a warm feeling twice.

That's a good idea! Where would I donate it I wonder...I am thinking maybe a soup kitchen might take it or a homeless shelter. I just donated clothes the other day down at the homeless campus. Food works too!

[LT]

I am so sorry MWO!

AD,

I did the broken rib thing too... ugh!!!! I think baking is good. Something I have done was to foster a dog for a week. I have three of my own but saw this poodle who was at the shelter b/c she could no longer give birth to puppies so they dumped her. It has been great pampering her!!!! I haven't had time to dwell of my past loser choices. Now I do not have kids, so this type of situation works.
Also, she was a prisoner of a puppy mill & is now learning how to live like a real dog. (as I am relearning how to live so os she) I am still teaching her to walk up steps.

I am so sorry about your father. Has your family considered a closed coffin? (just a thought) As, I sensed anxiety when you mentioned seeing him lifeless.

You are in my thoughts and prayers... :l

[dancingon]

I am so sorry MWO!

Take care and bake lots AD.

[Hippy Chick]

I am so sorry MWO!

Hi Anotherday. I think you are very brave admitting what you have done and coming back to apologise. Although there is no need to apologise to us on this site.
I completely understand the shame and embarrassment of doing public things while in a blackout. I did it for 30 years.
You are going thru a very stressful time and will need support from this site, so I am glad you felt the courage to come back. Alot of people would have run away.
Be gentle with yourself.
Hippy Chick