- I have not gone public yet with my trying to live af, however my wife has told our families, I was not ready to do so, she didn't ask my permission to tell others, I am still not sure yet exaclty how I feel about her doing that, but regardless I had to have a talk today with my Dad. I was not really ready for this chat, but it happened because he knows, it was not fun, he was not mean or anything, it's just not how I wanted it to happen
- my brother in law says to me later, "so whats this I hear that you quit drinking" "what am I going to do in the summer""not good, not good"...I didn't tell him I was sober, I didn't want to have this chat yet, I didn't enjoy it at all - I feel like a student who is forced by their teacher to talk in front of their class, even if they are shy and really don't want to
- later that afternoon, I had a meal at my in-laws, and it was awkward - I felt bad to make things weird with wine at supper etc, I made a quick exit to play with the kids outside, once again, it was like alcohol was controlling my day - BUT I WAS NOT DRINKING - it is ironic I guess, and it is my fault for getting into this in the first place, but man I felt like I was against the ropes.
One of the bright spots for me when I stopped drinking, was that finally no one would talk about me and my drinking. However, but now they are talking about my not drinking. Surely this will pass like last weeks news, but it was building up today. I just want to do my own thing, I don't bug anyone else.
FINALLY - I had my first rehearsal with my band (classic rock and roll). My band members all drink, smoke, people attend our rehearsals and dance and drink and smoke - it is a lot of fun. After the crappy day I had, I still managed to pack a cooler bag with pops, and quietly poored them into a large cup from time to time. But all night I kept thinking about what I was missing - I know now, that this is the evil alcohol devil showing its head - but I was jealous. I had fun sober, but I wanted to smoke and drink and party till 4AM. I didn't drink, or smoke or do any drugs.
I do feel down in the dumps, and beaten up emotionally though. I made it, barely. Thanks for listening,
Hill
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