One tough moment

[Farm Girl]

Ok - so I am in the garden enjoying unbelievable weather a couple days ago. I am pulling out weeds and walking around my gardens..when WHAM..it hits me. I would love to sit on my deck and enjoy a nice glass of wine. Why the fuck can't I have a couple glasses of wine? (sorry for the expletive but it's how I felt at that very moment) Why do I have this addiction? Why can't I visit with friends and enjoy a couple drinks, laugh and relax?

That moment was the worst in 36 days of being AF. I almost convinced myself that I can do this, just moderate and everything will be just fine - but that is a lie and I know it in my heart. I will start drinking heavily again and go right back (if not worse) to where I was before I started this journey.

So here I am a couple days later, the feeling still there but not nearly as strong. Need to be much more vigilant about my emotions as this time I think I was really close to breaking down and having a drink!!

[Doggygirl]

One tough moment

The important thing is that you DID NOT take the drink! GOOD FOR YOU!! That is a victory. :yougo:

I can totally relate to those thoughts of "just one" (hahahahaha) especially on a beautiful day after doing some gardening. They are a lie for me too. As long as we remember that and DO NOT take the first drink, the cravings and frustrations will pass. It DOES get easier with more time, so don't give up or give in!

Congratulations on your AF time.

DG

[mario]

One tough moment

hi farmgirl well done on getting through that trigger/craving i find that by
Making yourself aware of what things in your life tend to give you cravings, and therefore how you might avoid those situations, becomes a vital skill. For those ‘triggers’ that you can’t avoid, you can learn how to deal with them differently.

Lets say there are four types of cravings:
? a reaction to withdrawal symptoms
? escaping from unpleasant feelings (boredom, depression, anxiety etc.)
? a response to a learnt association (people, places etc)
? enhancing a positive mood
Each type requires a different approach to deal with it. And each person’s approach will be unique to them.You need to to have a plan in place for your own cravings/triggers,dont quit quitting.;-)

[Stargazerlily]

One tough moment

Farmgirl, I hear you. There is something for me too about the warmer weather that set up a craving to sit outside and drink wine. Whew, it is hard. However, I have been successful in thinking it through to the bitter end. Yeah, drinkng a few glasses of wine would be nice, but then I would drink the entire bottle, want more, stagger around, maybe drunk dial, pass out on the couch, wake up feeling like he**, toss and turn all night while sweating, stomach upset, heart pounding, depression, anxiety, regrets, and being sick at least the whole next day. (Alcohol is having a more severe effect on my physically, having multiple day hangovers). So, the reality for me is that it is not fun for long, just the first two drinks, then it turns into a nightmare that I have repeated over and over again for several years.

I don't know if this will help you, but most of the time it helps me. For some reason I forget the real reasons I want to be AF. It is extremely puzzling. I mean if there was a food that made me ill for days, I would avoid it, but not alcohol. You did a great job in overcoming your craving.

[spuddleduck]

One tough moment

farm girl.. that was me yesterday too. pottering about in the garden weeding, digging (my back hurts today) making the garden pretty and WHAM.... wouldnt it be nice to have a glass of wine. i toughed to out but its a real association thing going on. like yourself, i know exactly where it
would lead, a couple of glasses great, but it would turn into the rollercoaster ride from hell and today i would feel awful, physically and mentally. thank god i resisted. i must get my mental armoury ready for the good weather.

[hippie37]

One tough moment

Farm Girl there are still moments when I have those thoughts, "WHY ME?". From a positive outlook I can see that I'm not driven by those thoughts today though. I don't feel as if I'm missing out on something anymore. I want to achieve things in my life today that can only be done through remaining sober. It's those goals that drive me today to become a better person. YET that doesn't stop the thoughts from entering my head at times when I'm maybe feeling a bit melancholic and self pitying. I'll be honest in telling you that I find it particularly hard when the weather is hot and sunny. I liked nothing better than heading out into the woods or down the beach with a load of cans in my back pack and getting sloshed whilst watching the world go by. I thought I was 'living the life of Riley'. "Look at all these idiots who don't know how to live!" "This is what life's all about innit? basking in the sun without a care in the world". The problem was I was escaping reality within the confines of my own head. Everyone else WAS getting on with their lives and probably enjoying it whilst I was sat there judging everyone based on "the world, according to Phil". I was so delusional that I actually thought I was the one having all the fun and everyone else was 'trapped' in their boring little hum drum lives.

So what I would say is that these thoughts are only thoughts. We all have them. A friend of mine who is 12 years sober, only last week, had thoughts about having a drink. It can happen to anyone of us and it's okay to have these thoughts. It's been a part of my 'thinking' for so long that these thoughts don't just stop like THAT. I would probably even go so far as to say that your resentments against not being able to have a drink shows that you are making progress with your 'grief' for loosing a loved one (wine).

Don't beat yourself up for having these thoughts like they're not meant to happen. It's all very natural and part of the process. When you accept that you're in a process then it becomes easier to accept the normality of these thoughts.

Hang in there and well done on not picking up.

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

One tough moment

Great post Phil.

[hillsidetime]

One tough moment

Hi Farm Girl, there must have been something in the air this week, it seems like a lot of us had a tough time. You stayed strong, awesome job. Like you, I am finding the social and habit based trigures to be really difficult right now - I did not expect these as much as the physiological urges. Like you, I know that moderation will not work for me. The good thing is that we are being honest about it. Hang in there, and Happy Easter,
Hill

[Farm Girl]

One tough moment

Thanks everyone for the great words of advice and support. And I feel better knowing some of you went thru the exact same thing this week! Phil, it is scary to think after so many years that one thought can turn to action. But that is how it is with any addiction - Mario right on with a plan. Definitely going to get one in place for different situations.