Here I go again... (day 1)

[fragileflower]

I blew it. I had over 20 days AF and I blew it. I wanted an escape. The mental craving overcame me. I didn't even think about it. I gave in and drank a six pack. I've been taking supplements and eating really healthy, I even stopped smoking. But the mental obsession never goes away,

It didn't really even make me feel that drunk at all. And I'm a small person. My high tolerance means I am an alcoholic...and it's scary.

I went to work but left 2 hours after I got there. I didn't really feel that hungover. Just very tired and depressed. So now my boss is pissed at me. (Even though I have paid time off/sick hours). I just missed work about 3 1/2 weeks ago. Same reason.

I can't keep doing this. I really want to stop. Maybe I've been trying too hard. I don't really like AA that much, but I'll go and try to get something out of it.

Thanks for listening.
fragileflower
I hope I'll feel better after going for a walk.

[mama bear]

Here I go again... (day 1)

Hey Fragile.....keep on trying girl...you made it 20 days and you can make it another 20
I am proud of you

[runningwind]

Here I go again... (day 1)

fragileflower, you didn't blow anything, as long as you keep on trying and keep learning from your mistakes. Have you made a plan for yourself? You said your taking supplements, which ones? This is a hard journey, no doubt but if you keep moving forward you will eventually reach your destiny.

runningwind

[K9Lover]

Here I go again... (day 1)

Hi FragileFlower,
Do you have any idea what triggered your drinking? For me, this has been the hardest thing to figure out. I went through something today that would have normally had me running for a 12 pack (yes, 12...at least), but since I am on Antabuse, I don't have that choice (thankfully).
I know it's hard, but try to keep track of the thoughts/feelings that bring on the strongest cravings, and eventually you will learn to work past them.
Good job for getting right back on with your quit.
Keep us posted with how you're doing!
K9

[Doggygirl]

Here I go again... (day 1)

Hi Fragile. I can understand your frustration. I too spent a very long time in the viscious cycle of drinking, doing things I regretted, then repeating the whole thing. I think it's very positive that you are willing to try different things with an open mind until you find what works for you. I had to do that too. If you only knew how much AA WAS NOT FOR ME!!!!!! I finally went because I had achieved some sobriety (about 8.5 months after a big relapse) but I was SO fearful about relapse that I had trouble just relaxing and enjoying life. Even though I swore I would never go, I went and it has helped me immensely to achieve the contented sobriety that I wanted.

AA may or may not be right for you. But I think it's very good that you sound willing to try things, even if you may not be totally comfortable with the idea of that thing. There is a saying that Retteacher uses a lot that I like. I was willing to go to any length to drink. I need to be willing to go to any length to get sober.

For most of us hard core problem drinkers, if we are NOT willing to go to any length to get sober, we won't. And then we are just stuck in our cycles of misery until....well, until we die I guess. I'm no longer willing to do that. So I HAVE to do something else.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

PS for K9. Anything and everything triggered my drinking. I drank because I'm addicted to it. Good things. Bad things. Good days. Bad days. Happy. Stressed out. Celebrations. Boredom. "Life" was my trigger. Learning to just cope with day to day life and it's ups and downs without running for the bottle is my challenge.

DG