Why am I so weak?

[Quit Quitting]

Hi Peeps,

Total disaster made 4 days AF, then hit the bottle again. Now starting at day 1 again.

Why can't I just stop at 1 or 2 glasses of wine? Why do I have to finish the bottle? Why do I have to open another one? Why does this have to be so difficult? Why can't I be stronger? What is it that this liquid has over me? Why am I so weak?

Most of the time I am drinking wine I go past the enjoyment stage and just keep drinking for the sake of it. I have just got to get out of this crazy world.

At lease this time for my re-start all the wine has gone, and I got Pokemon to help me. Last night playing my game really slowed my drinking down. Then I realised hubby had almost finished his so I had to 'catch' up. How stupid is that?

Sorry to go on but thanx for taking the time to read. Best wishes to each and everyone of you.

QQ xx

[SpiritGirl]

Why am I so weak?

QQ, I ask myself the exact same questions -WHY, WHY, WHY?? I fill my wine glass before its even empty... I go from enjoying the taste, to just simply drinking for the sake of it - or I have had just enough to not care about how much I drink... I always start with the intent to just "enjoy some wine" - "take the edge off"...that escalates to a bottle and opening a second one... And Lord forbid if someone is "ahead" of me... Its almost like I give myself permission to keep drinking since the person drinking with me is still drinking... I almost get excited when I see them refreshing their glass - its like "yay! I get some more too and don't have to feel guilty or embarrassed that I am drinking more than anyone else"... UGH! Its like trying to make sense out of nonsense!


You can stop the vicious cycle! You are not weak - you came here and posted your feelings and are reaching out for support - that is NOT a weak person! Keep checking in!!

[Doggygirl]

Why am I so weak?

Hi 2Q. The drinking problem is really not about being strong or weak, IMO. It's about being addicted, or not. When I was drinking, I didn't over drink in the way you describe because I'm weak, I did it because I'm addicted to alcohol and a little bit of alcohol just makes me want more and more. As hard as I tried, I could not control my drinking but "being stronger" wasn't the solution. Not drinking has been an awesome solution for me. Weakness wasn't my problem. Alcohol was my problem.

We all have to find our own way to the answers for ourselves. May your journey be short and not too painful!!

DG

[papmom3]

Why am I so weak?

QQ,
For me, it's all about the plan and the supplements. I plan my route home to avoid the packie if I'm feeling particularly vulnerable and the cravings are bad. I also wait until I leave work to take my one dose of L-Glut for the day. I don't take it in the morning like the update to the book says as for me it's very fast acting. I know that once I reach home, I have no desire to go out again-too much to do what with the dogs/cats/chores never mind scrounging for dinner LOL!!
I agree with DG-no way is it a matter of being weak or strong. I used to think I had no spine, no backbone, no willpower but after reading the book and reading TONS of posts, I now realize like Sheri said, it's in our makeup that we react differently to AL than the people we think of as "normal" drinkers.
I hope this helps. Please continue to read and post. We're here for you.

[mollyka]

Why am I so weak?

QQ, its only a disaster if you let it be, if you keep drinking and go back into the 'crazy world' yeah that's a disaster, if its a cock-up or a slip or whatever you want to call it and you get back on the wagon then - no disaster, just what we all have done and do time after time. Its a vicious addiction, thats why so many of us can never ever drink, I know we're supposed to think ODAT and yes practically on a daily basis that's what we should do but sometimes reality has to be faced.
SpiritGirl, I laughed to/at myself at your post, like you I used to get so excited if someone drank more than me, rarely happened but I remember at a do in my sisters house catching my BIL necking a bottle of whiskey on the sly and felt so virtuous that I got rat-arsed!! There is no logic whatsoever to the way our brains work with alcohol!
Back up on that wagon and onwards we go!!
Molly:l

[Doggygirl]

Why am I so weak?

Yes Molly - I was always on the lookout for someone "worse" than me! I'm glad I don't have to live like that any more!

DG

[Reenie]

Why am I so weak?

I'm with DoggyGirl. Plain and simple... You are addicted to alcohol. One drink is never enough, two is too many. I'm only on day 4, but I have been where you are time and time again. I always ask myself, "Why am I always testing myself? The results are the same over and over again. When am I going to get this?" I think I got it now...... I know I'm addicted to alcohol. I know I want the thrill and the buzz it gives me. I'll stop at nothing to get this buzz.... Even if it means jeopedizing my life, marriage, happiness, etc... Simply put. I can't drink! I have to deal with myself, and learn to love the sober person that I don't even know yet. This journey is going to be a rough ride, yet, I'm going to deal with the bumps and hurdles. As for getting that buzz/high I so seek, I have to find it in other ways. Perhaps I'll pick up running again. Dig deep.... Try to get those AF days under your belt again.

[4MyHealth]

Why am I so weak?

Lots of good pointers. I like what Reenie said: "I have to deal with myself, and learn to love the sober person that I don't even know yet." --Wow! I can relate to that! Good luck QQ!

[Panno]

Why am I so weak?

QQ I could have wrote your post, I can now do 4AF days when I put my mind to it, sometimes even 7 but then I don't know what ticks inside me I just have to have that wine!!! I feel like I am always on day 1, but alot of good advice has been given and I'm sure one day it will stick and we too will get 30days - lets just keep going :l

[spuddleduck]

Why am I so weak?

hmm i would fill my glass up whan it wasnt even half empty... and i would open a 'comfort' bottle and not even drink a glass (only cos i passed out) its CRAZY! im still on early days but its so freeing not thinking about the next drink.
panno.. im still weeding so keep chucking the weeds in the bay

[Quit Quitting]

Why am I so weak?

Thank you all so much for your support and advice.

I was really feeling low and that I had let my self down.

Learning to love the sober me - I like that. When I wake having not had a drink the night before - I love that feeling getting in my car to go to work and know I am I OK to drive. Looking in the mirror and not seeing a puffy up face. I must learn to love that feeling more and more.

Thank you for saying I am not weak - I hate the word addiction but have to face it that is what I am addicted to AL.

I also have to realise that this site is not a wonder drug - it is place full of many people all who have a common problem and who all want to offer support and help to each other.

Amongst the negatives I found MWO and I am staying here coz I so want to be sober full-time.

Once again thank you all

QQ xx