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**mama bear** · April 13, 2010, 07:10 PM

Feeling empty

Katie
I don't know what to say....I am fighting depression myself right now, but I have a supportive and loving family...you were having some fun with internet dating, what happened with that? Do you have a minister you can talk to ? Can you take your son to counseling with you?
Remember your ex is trying to hurt you and from everything you have told us there is no judge in the land that will let him have you....do you have any family nearby that can support you? Can you move to a new area to be closer to them? Move to Florida to be closer to me!!!!!!!!!
We all care about you....you are amazing and strong and play the movie through to the end...remember what happens when you drink...remember girl.....nothing good.....NOTHING....IT IS POISON.....
I love you
Mama Jan

**KatieB** · April 13, 2010, 07:15 PM

Feeling empty

Thank you Mama..
My ex is so awful.. I am in tears from the things he has said.. I have no family here at all.. i moved to Aus to escape my horrible memories from the UK of my step-dad and the bullying.. but my ghosts follow me.. I find it so hard to keep friends, i feel i am a burden.. i feel i am too negative and anxious for anyone to like me..i know AL is not the answer.. but i feel so empty; AL used to be my "friend" that got me through the emptiness and loneliness.. it helped me forget the fact that i have no-one.. but i know i have to try and keep strong for my son.. at least until he leaves me too.. then i will nothing to not want to drink for..
:upset:

**mama bear** · April 13, 2010, 07:17 PM

Feeling empty

do you have any meds for anxiety or depression??

**mama bear** · April 13, 2010, 07:18 PM

Feeling empty

baby...he's not gonna leave you for 18 more years....dont do that to yourself....

**Guest** · April 13, 2010, 07:18 PM

Feeling empty

Hi Katie,

Sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment. You've been doing so well lately.

Your ex is playing games with you. He wants to make life difficult, he wants to hurt you and blame you for everything. He is too weak and cruel to take any responsibility for this himself.

Someone else commented before that there is no excuse or reason for attacking another person. (I think they only said self-defence.)

Your son will not reject you. He is young enough for you to get things sorted out and he will not know about any AL problems unless you tell him. My son is 10 and I have done some awful things over the last 10 years but he STILL wants to hang out with me and he still loves me.

Can you look for an excercise class with child-care facilities? I find excercise great for my moods as well as meeting people.

Keep talking to us and keep fighting.

Spam xxxx

**Tippylou** · April 13, 2010, 07:20 PM

Feeling empty

Oh Katie, (hugs) I'm here for you.:h

**KatieB** · April 13, 2010, 07:27 PM

Feeling empty

Mama - I am taking anti-depressants; mitrazapine.. but it does not shield me from the pain my ex is putting me through.. I fear my ex will turn my son against me - he said to him the other day "your mother is a mean bitch trying to put your father in jail".. he says he is going to go for 100% custody if found not-guilty.. he also says our son obviously loves him more than me as our son always cries when he leaves, and is happy when he sees him -but i know that's b/c he hardly sees him whereas i am here all the time! it hurts as i do everything for our son.. i devote my life to him..
Thank you Spam.. i truly hope my son will love me regardless.. an exercise class may be an idea.. i will see what there is in the area,
Thank you Tipplou..
I thank you for all your kind responses.. my ex is trying to destablise me when i have been doing so well.. this alll started (his attacks on me) last week, when i refused to ever take him back - he went from sending me 50+ love messages a day, to now 50+ hateful ones.. it just hurts as no-one here (where i am in the "real" world..) ever checks on me to see if i am ok.. what is wrong with me?????

**Rusty** · April 13, 2010, 07:38 PM

Feeling empty

Feeling Empty

Katie,

I'm so sorry you're going through something so traumatic and to be in a country where you have no family nearby must just be horrible! Your ex sounds extremely manipulative, and he is not in jail because he's such a wonderful person. Alcohol is very sneaky....it's a "friend" that treats us terribly....talk about manipulation and messing up a person's head.

You know your son loves you and kids are brighter than parents give them credit for. Your son will see right through your ex-husband.

Do they have battered women's shelters near you? You might find support there. You might want to explain to your doctor what you're going through and get stronger/different meds.

We are all here for you.....let us know how we can help you.

Rusty

**fennel** · April 13, 2010, 07:45 PM

Feeling empty

O.K. Katie...take a deep breath....Number one, your ex will not be found "not guilty" of beating the bejeebus out of you. There is photographic evidence that sent his own flesh and blood fleeing out of the court room in tears. He has demonstrated time and again to the magistrate that he can not control his temper and impulses.

Number two, drinking will not make any of this easier. Your son may feel one way today, but trust me...when he's older, he's going to know who was there for him. It will do you well to not say anything to him against his father right now. He'll know what was up eventually.

Also, as I suggested before, save all of the text messages you get from your ex. Every single one. Print them out, or whatever you need to do to save them. Do not crumble to this poor excuse of a man! You are better than this. :l

**fennel** · April 13, 2010, 07:48 PM

Feeling empty

Rusty;837114 wrote: Katie,

I'm so sorry you're going through something so traumatic and to be in a country where you have no family nearby must just be horrible! Your ex sounds extremely manipulative, and he is not in jail because he's such a wonderful person. Alcohol is very sneaky....it's a "friend" that treats us terribly....talk about manipulation and messing up a person's head.

You know your son loves you and kids are brighter than parents give them credit for. Your son will see right through your ex-husband.

Do they have battered women's shelters near you? You might find support there. You might want to explain to your doctor what you're going through and get stronger/different meds.

We are all here for you.....let us know how we can help you.

Rusty

And yes....this...^

**KatieB** · April 13, 2010, 08:07 PM

Feeling empty

Thank You Fennel and Rusty,
I will be seeing my doc again on Friday.. it is VERY hard going through this with no family for support.. my son is not even 2 yet, so he's a long way off from understanding.. but I want to cherish him as he is so young, as they are so cute at this age.. he helps take my mind off my ex hub and he also reminds me of what is important in life.. my son is worth everything my ex is putting me through; My ex is too immature and irresponsible to ever take the blame for anything - even little things, he always has to blame everyone else.. I know this is part of his narcissism.. I have to try and remain strong, and remember I am not the cause for his actions.. I have taken full responsibilty for my actions in the past, now its his turn.. blaming me means he will probably make another huge mistake in the future, but I have at least learnt from my mistakes.. how can he blame me when he is the one that lost total control, regardless of the circumstances??? If he pled guilty to this charge, then it would prob be over with by now.. he is the reason it is all dragging out.. all i did was make a statement; but yet he blames me for destroying his life when he is the one that went into a rage!
Thank you all so much.. you are all fantastic,
Katie xxx

**Lavande** · April 13, 2010, 08:32 PM

Feeling empty

Katie,

I'm sending you hugs & strength!
Don't let that poor excuse for a man beat you down any further. You know you are doing the right thing for you & your son. This mess is not going to go on forever. You call the police, your counselor, your doctor.....anyone you can think of & tell them what is happening.
We are here to support you but there is only so much we can do from a distance. Does your employer offer any type of assistance? If worse comes to worse take your son & walk into the nearest church - they would never refuse you.

Take care of yourself & your boy, stay close to all of us!

**KatieB** · April 13, 2010, 09:29 PM

Feeling empty

Thank you Lav for sending me some Lav-initude!
Feeling a bit better now.. not as depressed now i've had a good cry and bout of feeling sorry for myself..
I am getting help from my counsellor and doctor.. the police have been 50/50 helpful and unhelpful..
I am taking my son to a church playgroup starting next week, so hopefully I will make some new friends there..
Katie xx

**mario** · April 14, 2010, 02:03 AM

Feeling empty

How are you doing today katieb, going to the church is a good idea,you are bound to make nice friends there,sending you well wishes, x take care

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