Help! I drank...

[KatieB]

Hi all,

As some of you know, I had a date this morning.. at 11am.. I was so nervous I ended up drinking wine before and during.. I hate my nerves. they are my worse enemy.. i feel so insecure i dont know what else to do, i have no valium left (i used them all for the court case).. me and the man got on really well, though i think my speech was slurred at times. i am so scared of myself.. its obvious that my issues are far from resolved.. i picked up my son from my ex in the park; he said "you've been drinking today havent you?" - it was only 330pm.. i denied it.. but now i am so scared, he is going to try and get my son taken off me! i feel i am destined for a life of a spinster as i cannot date AF.. i get too nervous - my hands were visibly shaking and i couldnt think straight AF, i just didnt know what else to do..
... and i also had nothing to eat all day due to anxiety..

[rmoniz]

Help! I drank...

Hi Katie, How long did you have AF pick your self up and start over. Its has taken me several attempts too get sober and it gets easier every time. RM

[KatieB]

Help! I drank...

rmnoiz.. it varies.. i am not dependent on AL per se.. i just use it to help me when i get anxiety most the time..though i also like the taste of wine and like drinking it for that reason too.. but mostly its b/c of my anxiety.. i am a big scaredy-cat who gets afraid of "life" in general and AL helps to overcome certain things.. but it turns me into someone im not, and im afraid ppl will never get to know the real "me" if i keep drinking to help deal with nerves!

[TranqWilly]

Help! I drank...

Hey Katie.

Don't worry too much about this. It's understandable - you're putting yourself in a new situation, and you don't know how to deal with it. That's all. You're just going to have to give yourself some time to figure out how to deal with the new situations. You might want to talk to your counselor about it... but of course you're going to feel anxious in that situation - a first meet - and not having even been out on a date in a while I'm guessing. So chalk it up to experience.

Take care.
tw

[mario]

Help! I drank...

Kateb you must take the lessons from this and learn from it.there are lots of threads & posts here re being over anixious.get yourself back on track and move on.a plus side to this is that ur aware of what your triggers are.keep posting & reading.

[Nemed]

Help! I drank...

Hi Katie.
Dont beat yourself up. Maybe give the on-line dating a miss for a while til you get yourself sorted. If it is going to make you "need" a drink to calm your nerves, do you really think it is worth it? When you are a bit more in control and are feeling stronger, maybe it will be something that you can look at again in the future.
Dont give that ba5t*^d ANYTHING that he can use against you.
Sending you a big cyber hug....

[Guest]

Help! I drank...

Katie

I would say avoid new situations until you are sure you can get through them without a drink. I had one on Friday and (not a date a situation) I almost chickened out as I was scared it might make me drink, I actually didn't because I decided if I applied the ODAT approach as well as asking for help from people there, then I could pull it off. I also made sure I was able to leave if things got odd. Relationships are tricky and I'd give dating a big miss until you are right in yourself. There is no point getting involved with anyone unless you are stable. I've resigned myself to being single until I know I'm right.

Make your sobriety your number 1 in your life.

[KatieB]

Help! I drank...

Thankyou Tranq, Mario and Nemed,
I guess you are all right.. (btw I have never been on dates before in my life, due to my BPD, I have ended up in deep relationships straight off the bat, I have 'clung" to ppl that I have just met and ended up in a relationship.. but this is the 1st time in 4yrs that i have met another man outside of my ex)..
1, I am not ready to date yet if I feel so anxious.. lots of work needs to be done on my self-esteem with my counsellor.. and..
2, I should'nt give any my ex any excuse to use something against me,
I will vie to be stronger in future.. but its easier said than done with me.. ive had 20+ years of beating myself down and hating myself.. its going to take a fair bit of time to turn that around..
Katie xx

[KatieB]

Help! I drank...

Thank you UK blonde,

I know you are right.. I need to make sure I am 100% stable before getting into another relationship.. I felt so strong, but I mistook myself. I am not strong at all.. today has proven that nothing has changed for me..
Katie

[Guest]

Help! I drank...

KatieB;838938 wrote: Thankyou Tranq, Mario and Nemed,
I guess you are all right.. (btw I have never been on dates before in my life, due to my BPD, I have ended up in deep relationships straight off the bat, I have 'clung" to ppl that I have just met and ended up in a relationship.. but this is the 1st time in 4yrs that i have met another man outside of my ex)..
1, I am not ready to date yet if I feel so anxious.. lots of work needs to be done on my self-esteem with my counsellor.. and..
2, I should'nt give any my ex any excuse to use something against me,
I will vie to be stronger in future.. but its easier said than done with me.. ive had 20+ years of beating myself down and hating myself.. its going to take a fair bit of time to turn that around..
Katie xx

That was so me up until the beginning of this year. I have made a real fool of myself over the years 'clinging' and it's embarassing since I know I'm stronger than that.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Help! I drank...

KateB be kind to yourself, take your time, it will get easier.

[spuddleduck]

Help! I drank...

katieb, you were very brave for trying but i think you have jprobably realized its too early. dating is scary enough at the best of times so why not just focus on you for a bit. give yourself time

[KatieB]

Help! I drank...

Thanks Ktab and spuddle..
I know, i really need to sort myself out first.. i thought i had improved alot but needing AL for "dutch courage" proved i still have alot of work to do on my confidence and self-esteem.. the dating world is harsh so i know i need to be stronger before tackling it.. but im sick of being lonely!
Katie :upset:

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Help! I drank...

Hey KateB dont be lonely, you can always come and talk to us guys. We do understand and I have a spare shoulder if you need it.

[mama bear]

Help! I drank...

Katie.....I disagree.....ALOT has changed for you....you were such a frightened,pitiful thing when you first got here and i hate to think of you isolating yourself out of anxiety.
Perhaps you could order some of the calms forte from here? i battle minor anxiety myself....get the relaxtion cd.....it's amazing....try something other than booze and pills.....i am not being ugly....you know how much i care about you.....mediatation...yoga....?????
You are wonderful and deserve to find someone.....btw....was your coffee date a nice fellow?