So I am going to type this out. They don't start selling wine here for another 45 minutes so this gives me 45 minutes to get this out and think things over.
Things are feeling crazy today. I have a few things on my mind and it looks like there is no easy way of dealing with any of these three things.
First - my dad. Now my mother is acting like he is not going to die anytime soon yet three different parties (all medical professionals) are of the opinion he has six month or less left to live. I was doing so well on all fronts until he went into hospice. I am so confused right now. It is going to be a long process with a lot of waiting for something to end things, yet no one seems to know what the something is and I am not in the loop for the most part.
Second - a possible move. I was all excited at the prospect of returning to my former city of residence. This was until I spoke with my very smart and capable friend up there Friday night who told me he thinks he will be homeless in a month. How can I possibly compete for a job there given the higher unemployment rate there than here, the fact everyone up there is smart and well educated, my work history isn't great and I do not exactly have job prospects here. IOW, I am stuck here for the time being.
Third (and now this is where things get really crazy) - waiting to see what the former abuser is going to do. I was involved on and off for four years with an emotional and verbal abuser. I had planned on moving in 2006 but did not because of him. I believed we had a future and I did not realize who he was at the time. Long story short, he sent me an email pretending to not know who I am via his work email, I drank and sort of lost it. I left him several voice mails and a few emails in response. I should have done nothing, but he is a bully and I am tired of being his victim after four years. Unless you've been involved with someone like this, it's hard to put into words just what this does to your psyche. At any rate, I now wait to see what he'll do next as surely he will do something. He has already threatened me and I imagine there will be more (but not with physical violence). He must be in control and he must win. That is just the nature of being an abuser. My job will be to ignore him, let him have the last word and, once again, feel victimized all over again and afraid to stand up for myself. I imagine this week I will be hearing from him.
Ok, so I just had to get this out and try to organize some of this in my head. The truth is I am just very upset and know a drink will not make any of this better. Thanks for letting me type this out. I know it seems crazy but there is a lot in my head right now. Thanks for being here.
Things are feeling crazy today. I have a few things on my mind and it looks like there is no easy way of dealing with any of these three things.
First - my dad. Now my mother is acting like he is not going to die anytime soon yet three different parties (all medical professionals) are of the opinion he has six month or less left to live. I was doing so well on all fronts until he went into hospice. I am so confused right now. It is going to be a long process with a lot of waiting for something to end things, yet no one seems to know what the something is and I am not in the loop for the most part.
Second - a possible move. I was all excited at the prospect of returning to my former city of residence. This was until I spoke with my very smart and capable friend up there Friday night who told me he thinks he will be homeless in a month. How can I possibly compete for a job there given the higher unemployment rate there than here, the fact everyone up there is smart and well educated, my work history isn't great and I do not exactly have job prospects here. IOW, I am stuck here for the time being.
Third (and now this is where things get really crazy) - waiting to see what the former abuser is going to do. I was involved on and off for four years with an emotional and verbal abuser. I had planned on moving in 2006 but did not because of him. I believed we had a future and I did not realize who he was at the time. Long story short, he sent me an email pretending to not know who I am via his work email, I drank and sort of lost it. I left him several voice mails and a few emails in response. I should have done nothing, but he is a bully and I am tired of being his victim after four years. Unless you've been involved with someone like this, it's hard to put into words just what this does to your psyche. At any rate, I now wait to see what he'll do next as surely he will do something. He has already threatened me and I imagine there will be more (but not with physical violence). He must be in control and he must win. That is just the nature of being an abuser. My job will be to ignore him, let him have the last word and, once again, feel victimized all over again and afraid to stand up for myself. I imagine this week I will be hearing from him.
Ok, so I just had to get this out and try to organize some of this in my head. The truth is I am just very upset and know a drink will not make any of this better. Thanks for letting me type this out. I know it seems crazy but there is a lot in my head right now. Thanks for being here.
Unless he loses his job, he won't come after me physically. He has created this situation himself - involving his work. I have no other way to reach him EXCEPT via his work. He is not a normal person. He doesn't have his own phone or email address and refuses to get them. It's not like I want to involve his work, as I DO NOT! In fact, I worked for his sister company and if he wanted to cause a problem for me, all he has to do is to go to their HR dept and there go my references.
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