How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

[papmom3]

I've often wondered if I should go the counseling route now that I am AF but not sure how to go about it. I googled addiction counselors in my area but came up empty. I'm not even sure what I would talk about! I still can't figure out why I drank to begin with except as a teen it was the cool thing to do, then as a college student, then as a young adult etc etc. Then I found myself withdrawing more and more when I wasn't working, gaining weight and finally AL was my only friend. Hmmmm. Still can't figure out why the change from outgoing personable single girl/woman to middle aged withdrawn cat/dog lady. Shouldn't I be able to figure this out myself? I had a great childhood, lacked for nothing although we weren't rich on a college professor's salary, mom and dad never divorced and were together until she died of Alzeimers in her 60's. I think they were pretty happy although I know there were some rough patches. Both sis and bro are happily married with kids and do well. I never could get past 8 months with any boyfriend so never had the opportunity to try marriage or even living together. My whole family lives fairly close and we are so not dysfunctional it's almost funny! We love and support each other to the max and get along great. I signed up for Match.com but I'm pretty disgusted with the available men that fit my profile. I've decided to take the group's advice and hold off on any type of relationship until I've been AF for quite a while. Hell, it's been 20 years anyway, what's one more?
thanks for listening.

[greeneyes]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

papmom3;839600 wrote: Hell, it's been 20 years anyway, what's one more?
thanks for listening.

:H:H If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And I don't mean to be flippant either. I'm OK with simply being AF and letting things unfold. But that's me.

[Guest]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

I didn't have an abusive childhood etc but I'm not very good with dealing with life in general, am terribly insecure and thanks to years of being drunk or hungover I just am not used to working through things.

I'm using a TA counsellor which is not dissimilar to CBT and of course the AA 12 steps are more or less CBT but with different words and a belief system. I don't believe I'm traumatised in any way I just need to change my way of thinking so I can cope with everyday life, without having to get blasted 3 times a week.

By the way the counsellor doesn't specialise in addiction but is doing her research. Prefers to call them "destructive behaviours" and I concur with that especially since I know I've also used food, as well as drugs at certain points. Not picking up AL isn't the difficult bit, it's living with ourselves where things get sticky. I hardly talk about my drinking in the session as it's not really the crux of the matter.

I'd recommend it as I've found it invaluable to have someone to talk to who is completely impartial - I can be as open as I like without worrying if I'm being judged or upsetting someone.

Keep us posted on how you get on if you do give it a go.

[KateH1]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

Here are my thoughts on counseling and AF. I believe that in order to successfully live in sobriety, stopping drinking is the first step, learning to think and live differently than we did in the past is also of critical importance. Some of us are able to work at these changes on our own, reading books, trying new things, yoga, meditation and reading. Others of us might choose counseling or therapy of some sort. We are all different.

Counseling not only works for trauma and serious life issues, but it can also help us to work through any sort of change or sorting process that we may be going through. Counseling or Therapy can afford us new skills in sorting out things in our lives, or adopting new coping skills.

I think that we have nothing to loose in choosing counseling if that seems appealing to us. If after a few sessions you feel it is a waste of time, you can simply stop!

Best Wishes!
Kate

[papmom3]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

Thanks everyone for your input. It's very important to me! I guess I'll chew on this awhile-i've always been one to sort things out myself without professional help but somehow I think there is something a little off so I might need some help figuring it out. I'll let you all know how it goes!!

[KatieB]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

Papmom,
It sounds like you are very lucky with your family and lack of any major life issues! Apart from the drinking that is..Maybe you don't need counselling if you have no buried issues in your mind, or you only became "addicted" to AL (not sure if you were or not?) b/c of the nature of AL itself, being an addictive drug.. It sounds like you became AF quite easily.. no-one can properly escape the effects of AL, everyone is at risk of become addictive b/c of the effects AL has on the brain!
Only you can decide if you want to do counselling.. do you have any issues at all that led you to drink? Maybe set aside a time for yourself to really think about this, and write a list of the reasons why you drank.. if there is anything on the list that you don't feel you can deal with on your own, a counsellor may help.. and not necessarily a counsellor that specialises in addictions.. I am seeing a psychotherapist.. i think all counsellors and psychotherapists have the ability to help with any ways of thinking - as that is what they do, change the way you think - by cognitive behavioural therapy.. if that is what you need..
Take care,
Katie xxx

[papmom3]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

Thanks Katie B- you are a very wise woman!! I'll be doing a lot of introspection and thinking over the next few weeks.

[Guest]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

Just make sure you are happy with your councellor. Do research before u pay up. Some can be incredibly helpful, others a waste of time. But, saying that, any help is beneficial, even if to just to be made to look at yourself.

[KatieB]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

And as for counselling working.. it will work, but you have to do the work on yourself!
When I first tried therapy 5 years ago, I was still drinking and not paying much attention to the therapist.. but now, I am quitting, I am out of denial and ready to do the hard yards! Counselling consists of a "professional" asking the right questions.. yet it is YOU that does the work - the introspection and the thinking.. it will only work if you are ready to look into yourself.. it is definately working for me now, I have noticed some changes already in the way I think..
Katie xxx

[spuddleduck]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

i had councelling for depression/anxiety after ending up in hospital. for me it didnt really help. i felt too much under pressure from the questions and in fact it made me anxious. he gave me some info to read on self esteem which was very good as i could do it in my own time. i know a lot of people get huge help from councelling but for me it wasnt the right thing. good luck in whatever you decide

[Stargazerlily]

How do you know if you need counseling and if it will work?

You can call your community mental health center to get the names of counselors who have certifications/licenses in addictions, too.

Our family went to counseling when we had a problem with one of our teen-agers and it was helpful. It did not work until our teen was ready to do the work, but it was good to get it out there and talk about things that were not working as well as they should. I always feel that asking for help is a sign of strength. Good luck, you sound like a great person who deserves the best in life.