its now or never

[1967]

I am starting this thread to provoke some accountability regarding my behavior.
I am back to day 1, although I did manage 6 days AF this week.
It is perfectly clear to me I cannot manage my drinking and not sure how I fail so consistently, so I am going to try this and document my progress here.
It seems to work for others so why not me?
Drinking is creating a more and more isolating exsistance for me and definitely not enriching my life.

Mantra: I must not take even one sip of wine tonight.
Since I am in for the night I think I am safe.
There is a sip left in an old bottle in the frig and I will dispose of this now.
I have no children or husband/boyfriend I am letting down by the way. I am the only one to suffer by the effects of my drinking.
Just taking it a day at a time. I've been trying to quit for two years now. I know it is possible.

[sunshine_gg]

its now or never

Good job, 1967! Yes, keeping a 'journal' can help a lot. Reading back some older entries can also be very helpful.

Wishing you the very best!
Btw.. you DID pour out that leftover stuff in the fridge, right?

[Lavande]

its now or never

I poured out the last of my wine when I was home alone too 1967!
I made a real 'ceremony' of it to impress my wine-soaked brain.
Haven't had a sip or sniff of the stuff since

You can do it too - we're here with you!

[BUDDY BLACK]

its now or never

1967,GOING 6 DAYS IS A GREAT START. SO YOU DIDNT HAVE A GREAT 7TH DAY,IT HAPPENS, START OVER! WHAT I LEARNED HERE FROM OTHER MEMBERS IS YOU HAVE TO LIKEN THOSE CRAVINGS TO WAVES OF THE OCEAN,THEY COME IN AND GO OUT. WHILE THEY ARE IN YOU HAVE TO FIGHT THRU THEM,STAY BUSY EXERCISE,POST AND READ ON MWO,DRINK LOTS OF WATER OR DIET SODA. THERE IS ALOT OF GREAT PEOPLE HERE,YOUR NOT ALONE IN THIS STRUGGLE. I DRANK FOR 30 YEARS,BEEN SOBER FOR 14 DAYS,IAM NO EXPERT, BUT I FEEL BETTER AND IM HOPEFUL ! HANG IN THERE AND KEEP US UP TO DATE!

[mollyka]

its now or never

1967, definitely pour out the wine. I've said this on another thread and I only realised it this year, stop/start drinking is not just 'slipping', for me anyway (not sure if everyone is the same) it set me back to square one each time if not worse. All the cravings that ease out so much over a few weeks and months AF are back with a vengeance everytime I put booze back in my mouth. Its a bit like dieting, it is well documented that a vast majority of people who crash diet actually put on more weight than they ever had after they resume 'normal' eating.
If you are (thats why we are here right?) alcohol-dependent or an alcoholic, you cannot drink, at all, full stop.
Ok, human nature, of course we all can cock up, meet the master at cocking up in the past! but if we do we must be aware that its not 'just a few beers/wine last night oh dear', its much more serious than that, we really have put our physical and emotional being back to square one each time.
Ok, lecture over, its NOT the end of the world, back on wagon time and best of luck.
Hope everyone has a lovely sober Sunday
Molly:l

[1967]

its now or never

Good morning all.

I had forgotten to pour out the wine but did so this morning. Thanks for the reminder!

Mollyka I am the same with the slips... it sets me back to square one and often results in weeks of continuous drinking. I clearly cannot have the first sip.
My problem is always on my way home from work! I exercise before work as I am too tired in the afternoon and need the workout to open my mind to the day.
I tend to be okay home alone on the week-ends if I put my mind to it.
A huge incentive to straighten out is that I have had a cold of sorts since January. It has gone from one thing to the next and I know I am run down because of not sleeping properly due to overindulgence in the wine.
I know it.
Never mind the huge amount of monies I have blown on food and drink as I usually eat something when I have wine. I am pretty small and if I don't eat the wine hits me twice as hard.

Buddy Black thanks for writing about the fact that six days is pretty great. I tend to down play my successes and focus on my weaknesses. I have to focus on the positive so it comes more easily.
I really was inspired by Phil's story although I have to say I am not 100%sure I have the conviction to go cold turkey forever today. I am hoping with time it will come? I know this is what is best for me. I don't want this to go on another 10+ years. What is the possible advantage? I don't see one. I am hopeful when I hear of people quitting the bottle of 10 years! I want this to be me, I have to want it enough to make it happen. I know it is my choice entirely.

Enjoy your Sunday everyone and thank you for reading and commenting!!

[tylyr]

its now or never

1967
I'm the same as you. I 'give up' over and over again. In the past I've managed 4 weeks AF, 7 weeks and even 10 weeks. But here I am again. Yesterday was bad, for some reason I bought a box of wine, and then a bottle. Had a bad day, and feel bad about myself. Why o why. I'm going to be here with you. The rest of the box is in the fridge, I won't throw it because my OH will wonder why. I think he's concerned about my drinking, but he says nothing, and has no idea how much I drink. Today, I won't drink. Managed 4days last week. Tylyr

[1967]

its now or never

hi Tylyr.
What does OH stand for?
The longest I've managed was about 2.5 months AF, and I started back because someone poisoned a stray dog that was living in our yard and I saw her in her last moments. After that there was nothing apparent that started me back, mostly boredom and loneliness.

Sorry yesterday was bad for you.
I do understand. When I buy wine it is on automatic pilot. I don't allow myself to think too much about it, just do it and you know how the story ends.

I may go to the beach today. They are having a sandcastle competition at Orient Baie. The only reason not to go is this bloody cold I cannot seem to get rid of!
We CAN do this.
I am hoping the posts will help especially during the day. I won't be able to reply but reading what folks have to say will help, I know it will.
Let's just do more than our best this time.

[Rusty]

its now or never

It's Now Or Never

Hi 1967,

I congratulate you in restarting your journey. 6 Days AF is very good! And you've gone AF much longer than that so you already know it's possible...how great!

When you mentioned that you work out before work because you're too tired after a long day....I can totally understand. I figure if I don't work out in the morning that it will never happen after work.

This is what I have done which has worked and what I have committed to doing again. After work is my "witching hour." My brain tells me, "I deserve to relax and have a glass of wine....or three." So what works is I save part of my lunch (like part of my salad) and eat it at about 4:00 -5:00 p.m. an hour or so before leaving work so then I won't be tempted to stop and have that drink....and alcohol is such an appetitie stimulant, like you..... I always end up eating, too....and all the wrong stuff...bar food like chips and salsa, spinach dip, etc.

After I have my late afternoon snack, then I go to the gym because that little afternoon nutrition gives me my second wind, and that cardio workout just knocks the thirst for alcohol and food right out of me. Plus, I feel so much better about myself because I didn't give in to temptation and I did something totally healthy.

I know this is way too long a response, but if it's a tool that helps one person here, I will be thrilled.

Rusty

[Rusty]

its now or never

It's Now Or Never

Hi 1967,

I congratulate you in restarting your journey. 6 Days AF is very good! And you've gone AF much longer than that so you already know it's possible...how great!

When you mentioned that you work out before work because you're too tired after a long day....I can totally understand. I figure if I don't work out in the morning that it will never happen after work.

This is what I have done in the past which has worked and what I have committed to doing again. After work is my "witching hour." My brain tells me, "I deserve to relax and have a glass of wine....or three." So what works is I save part of my lunch (like part of my salad) and eat it at about 4:00 -5:00 p.m. an hour or so before leaving work so then I won't be tempted to stop and have that drink....and alcohol is such an appetitie stimulant, like you..... I always end up eating, too....and all the wrong stuff...bar food like chips and salsa, spinach dip, etc.

After I have my late afternoon snack, then I go to the gym because that little afternoon nutrition gives me my second wind, and that cardio workout just knocks the thirst for alcohol and food right out of me.

Rusty

[mario]

its now or never

Hi 1967,rusty,tylyr So how do you stop drinking? One of the first things is to -

Consider your motivation for stopping
Weigh up the pros and cons of your drinking, the costs versus the benefits.
(write them down here)

? What are the good things about your drinking right now, what does it do for you? This is important to consider, because you need to find other ways to achieve this.
? Then what are the bad things about your drinking? Really dig deep with this – look at your relationships, your health, job, self-esteem, depression etc.
? Next what are the good things you expect to happen when you stop drinking, how will your life be better?
? Finally what are the negative bits about quitting? What is putting you off the idea? Again, this is important because you will have to find some way to solve these concerns.
You need to be reminding yourself about this list of your motivations every time you think about having a drink. The next stage is to find out -

Are you physically dependent on alcohol?
If you are, then you will need some sort of medical supervision to help you through the detox. You might have experienced D.T.s before (the shakes, or Delirium Tremens to be precise), but full scale alcohol withdrawal can be an unpleasant business. Hallucinations, seizures, it can even be fatal. So for the sake of safety, if you are drinking all day from the moment you wake up in order to avoid your hangovers, you should see your doctor before you plan to stop drinking alcohol. They can help you with medication, or even a short stay in hospital to get you over the first week. If the thought of that scares you to death, then you MUST try and cut down a bit before you stop completely.

So you’ve worked out why you want to stop, and if you can stop safely. Now what? You need to -

Develop a plan for how you can avoid those urges to drink.
Read earlier posts about alcohol cravings first. It will give you a few techniques to help you. One thing’s for sure,for most people will-power alone is not enough to stop you from drinking.

You need to work out what are your ‘high-risk’ situations, what are your ‘triggers’ that make you want to drink? Some of these can be avoided, so make plans as to how you can avoid them. For those that clearly can’t be avoided, you have to start thinking about how you can deal with them differently. Make your own relapse prevention strategy.

Now sit back and wait for sobriety.
Ok, so it might not be as easy as all that (of course not), you may well slip and have a drink, you might even relapse in dramatic fashion and wake up in a ditch somewhere. Don’t laugh, it might be you. You haven’t failed, you just let that old habit sneak up and catch you unawares.

This obviously isn’t going to change over night. You will need to replace all that drinking with other activities, which means you need to set yourself some achievable goals.

The same goes for your feelings, learning how can you cope with difficult feelings without alcohol will take some time. Alcohol has been your way of dealing with everything difficult in your life, so you are going to have to find some other ways to cope, basically.

You should regularly review what is working and what’s not, what things are still tripping you up and most importantly, what benefits you are seeing. Remind yourself of your original reasons for wanting to stop drinking alcohol. keep posting here and sharing your thoughts,it all helps and lots of us have been there.goodluck.

[tylyr]

its now or never

Mario
Thanks so much for a helpful post, and for taking the time to reply to us. 1967 - OH is just other half!!- I do recognise my 'high risk' situations, it's evenings, sometimes late afternoons. Why then, I'm not sure. I'm going to try once again - and I'm going to come here for support. In the past I've been reading and postin infequently, but not committing myself to it. Thanks again Mario

[1967]

its now or never

Okay Mario here goes!
I am going to do some serious soul searching and reply in detail to your post and thank you!

Consider your motivation for stopping
Weigh up the pros and cons of your drinking, the costs versus the benefits.
(write them down here)

First when I drink excessively I fall ill far too often. My body isn’t able to fight the virus’ I encounter daily at work. We cannot take sick days so I work while I am ill and never really get better before the next virus comes along. My body is weak and vulnerable. I’ve proven this theory to myself as when I don’t drink, or drink just occassionally, I fall sick a lot less often. Essentially I’ve had a cold or flu pretty consistently since January. So, my week-ends are spent resting and I cannot enjoy the fun events planned because I have to rest up for the week. This is really making me feel isolated and alone.

? What are the good things about your drinking right now, what does it do for you? This is important to consider, because you need to find other ways to achieve this.

I drink when I am stressed, when I want to relax, as a reward for not drinking, because I am bored and/or lonely. Nothing earth shattering, just lame excuses really. I drink to pass the empty hours.

? Then what are the bad things about your drinking? Really dig deep with this – look at your relationships, your health, job, self-esteem, depression etc.

The cons are the hangover and weakened immune system, the headaches, the fatigue, the wasted money. I also think it makes me kind of cranky depending on my mood. It rarely makes me cheerful this is for sure.
I isolate myself because I don’t want to be thought of as the lady that drinks! And depression runs in my family on both sides, so yes I suffer from this for certain and take anti depressants which increase the effects of alcohol. What does this mean? Three glasses of wine and I am pretty much toast.


? Next what are the good things you expect to happen when you stop drinking, how will your life be better?

I would love to have more energy.
Maybe after a while I might be interested in making new friends? I hardly have any friends where I live. All my friends are spattered over the world really and I travel to see who I can in summer.

I will be more productive in my artwork. It is hard to paint when one is buzzed.

I need to create some personal goals for myself and make them happen. I need to get involved in the local art community.

I need to reach out to humans and make some friends for goodness sake this is crazy!

? Finally what are the negative bits about quitting? What is putting you off the idea? Again, this is important because you will have to find some way to solve these concerns.
You need to be reminding yourself about this list of your motivations every time you think about having a drink. The next stage is to find out –

I think the biggest thing is that wine takes me off to another level of consciousness. It is an escape. It has kept me company for the past 14 years (omg!). It doesn’t judge me when I am irresponsible and overindulge. I am chronically aware that alcoholism runs in both sides of my family as does depression. I am intelligent, why do I do this inspite of the fact I know better?
What I must do is when the urge comes give myself 5 minutes, I will set the timer on my iTouch, and really think about what I am doing and why before I stop for ‘a snack’ which means wine too.

Are you physically dependent on alcohol?

No, thankfully.

[1967]

its now or never

Develop a plan for how you can avoid those urges to drink.

This is where I always fail!
I can be fine for 2 months and then figure 'what's the point? nothing has really changed.'


You need to work out what are your ‘high-risk’ situations, what are your ‘triggers’ that make you want to drink? Some of these can be avoided, so make plans as to how you can avoid them. For those that clearly can’t be avoided, you have to start thinking about how you can deal with them differently. Make your own relapse prevention strategy.

My high risk times are coming home from work.
I do okay once I am home as long as I didn't really mess up and buy a bottle. Generally I stopped doing that.

I go to the gym every morning on work days unless I am really sick.
I've improved my mid day meals and take a snack before leaving and still sometimes I falter.

We have a long week-end coming up, but I don't think I will be tempted to drink as I have been recovering from the flu and a respiratory infection. What I lack in conviction for the long term. Also, as with most, stress is a real serious trigger.

Thanks for helping me talk myself through these initial steps Mario. It is important.
I am all alone and need to take care of my health so I can work and take care of myself. There isn't anyone else around who is going to do it. I have to be strong for me.

[mollyka]

its now or never

Oops thought I was seeing double! No I'm sober!!