Fell off the wagon true and proper..

[KatieB]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Thank you all..

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your replies.. I will endeavour that it never happens again.. I was seriously ill yesterday.. throwing up for several hours, vomiting bile, huge headache, total remorse.. I will remember the physical and emotional sx of the binge to make sure it doesnt happen again.. I guess I was overwhelmed with the stress of being a single mum, and the crap my ex has put me through over the last few months, though I know its no excuse.. drinking doesn't cure or make anything better.. thanks again.. I will keep coming here and go back to ODAT.. Day 1 for me today.. I will forgive myself and not beat myself up or I will end up depressed and that is not good for me either.. I am human..
Katie xxx

[greeneyes]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

katie, sorry you're feeling rough. The tool box thread and the sobriety plan thread were just bumped. Why don't you take a look through those and sharpen your tools while the misery is fresh in your mind? Hang in there!

[LVT25]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Lots of great advice and support already, so i just wanted to add: I used to binge drink and "let myself cut loose" when I didn't have my kids either. I didn't have issues with an ex or anything, but it was a great excuse to party like there's no tomorrow. I took some pretty stupid risks sometimes and got pretty lucky.

I've been af almost 2 years, and I'm so happy that I am finally acting like the mom I knew I could/should be. If I can do it, you can do it too.

Keep trying. Remember this hangover. It makes me physically sick to my stomach to remember mine.

[KatieB]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Thank you LVT25,

I will definately remember how I felt for a long time after yesterday.. physically and mentally.. not good - plus making an idiot out of myself on the night.. I am a mother now and need to stop behaving like a teenager! I cant help that I am addicted to AL once I have one drop.. I just need to stay in awareness of the fact and keep away from it all together..
Katie xx

[Mazzie]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Katie

May this weekend be the last of 'those' weekends for you. Thinking of you lots. Just start again. Get yourself well and 'do' the things everyone above is telling you. For me - I have to go back to my very first rule which is to not buy any in the first place. May be a good rule for you too!!!

Take care of yourself. Love yourself

[KatieB]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Mazzie,

You are right.. that was one of my first rules too.. I need to go back to that most simplest of rules.. I cannot be trusted with AL and one glass of wine, could may well turn into a bender like the one 2 nights ago.. no more, I cannot afford to.. I am a mother and need to look after myself mentally and physicaly for my son, even when I dont have him.. i still need to think of him and how he would want me to behave.. I will have to find other "outlets" for boredom, frustration etc..
thanks again,
Katie xxx

[OverIt2007]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Katie,

Everything you just said, I have to say as well!!! I have a little boy too. We both have to be the best Moms we can be to them and alcohol does not really fit in with that plan.


You can do it, so can I ! Lets have a great week for starters shall we???



:l


Overit

[KatieB]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

overit,
AL certainly does NOT fit in with the plan to be a decent mother!! Esp when you cannot control yourself, like I clearly can't.. I have to admit I am an alcholic, so need to avoid it altogether.. I need to be honest with myself and know that I cannot drink at all.. I feel so much happier and in control AF..
Lets do it and have a great week AF!!!
Katie xx

[daybyday]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Hi Katie, you were one of the first to welcome me so warmly to this group. I am sorry for your anxiety as I experience that too and know how terrible it feels. Have you asked a Dr. about Adavan or some anti-anxiety medication to help get you through this time. I am just so thankful you made it back home and are safe now. I wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug, cause I remember how dreadful that feels. You are ok now and on your way back with us.

[KatieB]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

thank you daybyday,

Even though I've been coming here awhile.. the reason I am here is still the same.. I am an alcoholic.. i drank to help with anxiety.. but once I had that wine, I got it in my system and wanted to drink more and more. I wanted to black-out.. it goes to show though that I have a very high tolerance.. as one whole bottle of wine, then I drank about 15 vodka's when out.. I did not black out and was aware or semi-aware of what I was doing still.. its a bad sign to be able to drink that much yet still not black-out (though its a good job i didnt as i was able to get home safe).. i need to stop now before i damage my liver and kill myself either physically or by getting into danger.. anything could happen when that drunk.. i am taking anti-depressant med with anti-anxiety component but b/c of that bender, ive not taken them for 3 days.. i have to keep coming here.. though i felt ashamed to come back.. but its why I am here in the first place.. to get help with this addiction of mine,
Katie xxx (thanks for the hug, I needed it!)

[Hippy Chick]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Katie. Sending you my love but as Reggie said "Just dont drink" .

[hazeleyes]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Hi Katie
Thanks for sharing your story. I like your posts and comments and feel you are a good person. Im sorry life got so hard you needed to find a way to de-stress. I hope your plan includes some ways to cope with the thoughts and feelings that lead you to want to drink. I send you a big hug as well and look forward to hearing your recovery story as you move every minute, every day, towards are better life.
Kind wishes
H

[Doggygirl]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

KatieB;843216 wrote: thank you daybyday,

Even though I've been coming here awhile.. the reason I am here is still the same.. I am an alcoholic.. i drank to help with anxiety.. but once I had that wine, I got it in my system and wanted to drink more and more. I wanted to black-out.. it goes to show though that I have a very high tolerance.. as one whole bottle of wine, then I drank about 15 vodka's when out.. I did not black out and was aware or semi-aware of what I was doing still.. its a bad sign to be able to drink that much yet still not black-out (though its a good job i didnt as i was able to get home safe).. i need to stop now before i damage my liver and kill myself either physically or by getting into danger.. anything could happen when that drunk.. i am taking anti-depressant med with anti-anxiety component but b/c of that bender, ive not taken them for 3 days.. i have to keep coming here.. though i felt ashamed to come back.. but its why I am here in the first place.. to get help with this addiction of mine,
Katie xxx (thanks for the hug, I needed it!)

KatieB, I like the honesty in this post. I don't think we can even start to get sober as long as we are BSing ourselves (and trying to BS those around us) about the true magnitude of the problem. You are right - this is serious and we have to stop before we kill ourselves.

Have you thought about printing out this post and keeping it somewhere close to you i.e. in your wallet so you can pull it out and read it if you get the urge that you can drink just one?

Onward we go.

DG

[KatieB]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Thank you Doggygirl,

I may have made a mistake.. but I am not in denial about it! i'm ready to fight this thing once again.. I will print out this whole thread to remind me how its so not worth it...

Katie xxx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Fell off the wagon true and proper..

Good for you Katie, you can do this. It really can end up a matter of life and death if we continue to drink to excess.