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    #1

    Please Help :(

    Hello Everyone,

    I have been a member on here for a while, but I have just been lurking around. When I joined this site I had the full intention on giving up drinking. I even started taking vivitrol injections which was a miracle that my insurance pays for, but I just can't stop drinking. I want to so bad and I just can't get a grip. I know that drinking is not good for me & my body. I am starting to see changes in myself that shouldn't be happening in a 29y/o. I have been diagnosed with Beri-Beri (thiamine deficiency) syndrome which my physician tells me is common in alcoholics, slight sexual dysfunction (can't really tell if it's me or I just don't want to be bothered with my BF anymore) and im also starting to notice some menstrual irregularities. I want children really bad and I know I have to stop drinking to achieve that and thats what I use to try & make myself stop, but it's just not working. In addition to takim the monthly vivitrol I also take kudzu but only when i'm hungover. I hate feeling the way I do after an all night binge. My body is sore my organs in my stomach hurt and as im laying there in pain I say im not gonna do this again, but then 2 days later im back at it. I've gone to AA but that just made me more depressed and when I left out of there I took advantage of the convience of the liquor store across the street. My physician has prescibed me many anti depressants but im afraid to take them because I don't want to drink with them and even though I haven't ever had one im scared that I may have a seizure if I do one of them is known to cause seizures) but she tells me the medication may help with the cravings. I feel like just pulling my hair out I really really want to stop but I feel like I have no control. I can admit I like the way the alcohol makes me feel. I feel that I can say or do anything I want just completely uninhibited which ultimately leads me to doing things I regret in the morning if I remember them. Im just tired of it all but to weak to stop. Have any of you ever felt this way and if so how did you get on the right track? I look at all the positive things thats going on in my life but it seems thats not enough. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long post but I have been holding all this in for so long and I just need to let it out. Please help
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    #2
    Please Help

    Great you found this site, Pryss. Today is VERY slow, so many away, etc, but keep checking, and posting, and post on other sites. It takes a while to catch on to everything, but if you're serious, you will. Like I said before, if this doesn't work, PM me. I will be here for you. Great going for being on top of this!
    sigpic
    Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
    awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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      #3
      Please Help

      Thanks Ruby Im not sure of any other sites

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        #4
        Please Help

        Mspryss. I was where you were. Just felt I couldnt go on, drinking was killing me and I knew it. Read the book, take the supps, listen to the CD's and do exercise. It does work. It is not easy, but with real effort you can do it. Visit us here often and tell us every thing, dont keep it in like you have been doing. It takes time, but will committment and hard work - you can over come it.
        Visit us in the newbies nest - there are alot of us just starting the journey. It gets a bit crazy (in a funny way) sometimes, but people there are struggling just like you. You are not on your own.
        Take care and good luck with your journey. Dont give up!
        Hippy chick
        I finally got it!
        "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

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          #5
          Please Help

          Welcome Mspryss, it is a real hard struggle. I've been drinking since 13 and now I am 46 years old. Way too long to have abused a body and soul that way, so good for you trying to work through now when you are still young. Get as much information as you can and any help you can, try and try again and keep on this site, it's been the big difference for me this time, having others to talk to without being judged and not feeling alone anymore.....I've been trying to get AF for over 20 years and finally feel this time it is the time.
          AF: April 19, 2010
          AF since April 19, 2010
          NF since Nov 10, 2000

          "One reason I don't drink is I want to know when I'm having a good time."
          -Lady Nancy Astor

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            #6
            Please Help

            you are in the sufferings from this condition.

            Yet, your amongst many that have no one.
            You are not alone.

            Take time and keep searchin and never lose hope~
            :notes:Theme2be

            " Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them~everyday begin the task anew".-Saint Francis de Sales

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              #7
              Please Help

              mspry, I can actually feel your pain, darling. First of all, please don't turn to anti depressants. You are young - those meds can ruin you sex drive FOREVER. Not to all, but it is a side effect. You are feeling so much pain and drink will only increase that pain. I wish I could hold you and tell you what to do, but only you can do that.

              First of all, settle down and know that each one of us on this site has probably felt just like you. I know I have. I've wrecked relationships and blacked out and done really stupid things just because of the stupid drink that we think we need.

              The longest I have gone without a drink is 104 days. It felt great. I felt great! Prior to that I did 80 days or so. Both times, I swore I would not drink again. Obviously, I did.

              The difference is, I am learning all the time. I know now, what will trigger an event. Because drinking to me now is an event. It's a massive letdown of what I've achieved. I know it at the time, but I still do it because the habit of drinking to alleviate pain is still in my head.

              I am slowly recovering from this, because I know now, that when I drink I will question why I am doing this to myself again. And seriously, the answers are shit.

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                #8
                Please Help

                Thanks Pan. My sex drive is shot to hell already but like I said I don't know if it's because im sick of him or if it's my hormones from the alcohol I am trying to find herbal alternatives to help with the cravings and I placed an order for some L-glute in addition to the kudzu from this website so hopefully that will help. Im tired of not having an urge to drink only when I have a hangover. I want to able to not want to drink at all. I feel I have had my share and I need to get my health together.

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                  #9
                  Please Help

                  Hi Msp, your post was very honest and open. Much of your story rings true for me aswell (and I am sure many others here as well). Everyone is different of course, for me, I hit rock bottom, came here, started reading and writing lots, and the wonderful family of mwo members have helped me through. It sounds like you truly do want to have children some day, and like you wrote, that would be a great motivator to go sober. It is scary to give up alchohol. It is hard. But it can be done. You can get the "power" back in your life. One day at a time. Best of luck, and hang in there.
                  Hill
                  Sober since Feb 7, 2010.

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                    #10
                    Please Help

                    Thank you hill. It's been 3 days for me today and I hope I can maintain being AF for the rest of the week. My BF just called me & said he feels frustrated and wants to drink some rum. I told him he can go ahead Im starting a new regimen and I have been clean for 3 days and wanna stick with it. I have to pat myself on the back for that one :goodjob:

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                      #11
                      Please Help

                      mspry,

                      :goodjob:!!! I like your answer to your bf.

                      Keep it up and you will feel better and better.

                      I am just coming off a horrible binge, myself, and am looking to the future.

                      I do know from my past sober periods that by day 10, life looks a great deal better.

                      Then you have to remind yourself how bad it can get if you decided, "Oh, it's okay, I can handle it now."

                      Hang in there and get to day 10 and post. I can't wait to hear how much more wonderful you feel.

                      Cindi
                      AF April 9, 2016

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Please Help

                        Hi msp! When I read your post I couldn't believe how similar your story sounded to mine. I also recently fell off the wagon, however I do feel that each time I fall I gain greater strength to beat this problem. I have even started to talk to people/friends about it which has been comforting, as some of them can relate to my situation and actually support in my decision to make some very important life changes. Although my goal is to go 30 days AF, I am starting with 7 days and will hopefully will be able to extend the time that I can achieve. Visit here regularly as it is a great place for support, strength and inspiration. Best wishes!
                        "You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." Mary Pickford:h

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                          #13
                          Please Help

                          Good for you msp on Day 3, you should pat yourself on the back and give yourself a big hug too. Hang in there and keep posting on here. There are so many great people here to support you.
                          AF since April 19, 2010
                          NF since Nov 10, 2000

                          "One reason I don't drink is I want to know when I'm having a good time."
                          -Lady Nancy Astor

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Please Help

                            Hi Msp, good job on the three days. Like written above, your boyfriend can drink if he wants, you don't have to. Hang in there, one day at a time. Remember that the urges will come, but you can ride them out. I find, that since I expect them, they don't have as much staying power some how. Keep up the great work.
                            Hill
                            Sober since Feb 7, 2010.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Please Help

                              well done MSP.....keep up the great work....i still can't work out this forum very well but everyone here is so supportive!!
                              good on you too about standing up to your boyfriend....

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