Ready for a way out

[leaveinsilence]

Ready for a way out

Margaret has been so good to read this thread, I see so much of myself here.

I understand the preparing dinner theory, one of my triggers, although of late my trigger time can start with breakfast especially if I've drank the night before... If I get through dinner I'm fine so we've been eating at odd times much to the families amusement:H

Might start the prep thing early and reheat though, that sounds a good idea, it would work better if hubs could actually decided what he'd like for dinner though

You are right though if you look back at the times you have drank you realise you wouldn't have had a worse time sober if anything it would have been better, I've had a couple of AF nights out which have been wonderful, going home sober is wonderful, and I had my first AF holiday ever this year and every minute was liberating without the AL hanging over me, I think I'm going to list all those feelings now, how great it felt not to drunk/ too hungover the nextday to enjoy doing fun things with the kids...

Thanks for sharing

Change hope everything is going well, fyaway, eg, Rollerblade anhy anyone I've missed:l

[Margaret345]

Ready for a way out

Just checking in here to update my progress to an AF life. Sometime after my last post, I think I made it 30+ days, I started to moderate my drinking. I did ok at first, I guess?, but was drinking pretty heavily, a bottle of wine a day, by May. I decided to stop drinking again May 16, 2012 and made it all the way until Feb 14, 2013 alcohol free. Unfortunately my husband got laid off on Feb 14 and I had a glass of wine to help me deal with the stress. I have been moderating since but am up to 2-3 glasses of wine a night. I know for some this doesn't sound like much but let me tell you the PULL of the alcohol is getting so strong. Moderation does not work long term for an alcoholic and I am indeed an alcoholic. I am lying to myself every single day telling myself that I will just have one small glass knowing damn well I will be fighting myself not to have four in the span of a couple hours.

I am so glad I started this journal almost 4 years ago. It really puts my struggle into perspective. I have spent the majority of my 30's obsessing over alcohol. What a waste of time!

I am ready to start the fight for an AF life again. I am feeling strong and know I can do it. I will take it day by day and get my plan in order.

[scottish lass]

Ready for a way out

This is indeed a reminder and a wake up call. Sorry that you are facing this Margaret, after your successes. We keep hearing this over and over, but I know that I wonder if my future can include drinking - obviously not...

[NoSugar]

Ready for a way out

I'm so glad you came back, Margaret! You have an interesting perspective on all of this - you've been on, off, and in between. I've found "off" so much easier, I'm not interested in even trying to moderate now. It sounds like you're ready for that, too.

See you around , NS

[free at last]

Ready for a way out

Hi Margaret,
Welcome back. Since your avatar is you/someone doing a yoga posture, I thought you might want to join me in the yoga 108 AF days challenge (in the holistic section of the website). There's quite a few who are practicing meditation, yoga, exercise, and other healthy lifestyle choices to remove AL from their thinking.
Again, welcome,

[j-vo]

Ready for a way out

Margaret,
Welcome back. You were spot on when you said moderation does not work long term for an alcoholic" It may work a short period of time, but then it creeps back up in no time, then the struggles to maintain this moderation facade kick in quickly.

[Margaret345]

Ready for a way out

Thanks for the welcome back scott, free, ns and j-vo. It's good to be here! I spent a chunk of time today reading the stories of women struggling with alcoholism on another site today. I think it's called cry it now. One thing that struck me was quite a few of them were older then me, yet they were fighting the urge to drink just as much as I am today. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I figured I would "outgrow" this problem of alcoholism eventually. I ached for their pain. I just CAN NOT be struggling like this 5, 10, 15+ years from now. I refuse to ignore the clarity I have today, and drag this obsession out any longer. I have got to move on, be strong and GROW.

I have begun to feel the bits of panic that set in when I think about how my life seems to be speeding by faster then ever. Suddenly, like never before, I am seeing the end of my life somewhere out there on the horizon. I think one of my excuses in the past few years is that I will quit drinking later, next time, next winter... Years are passing me by. I just refuse to give any more days away to the bottle. I guess part of ageing is the gift of perspective, to know you are not invincible. This is a sudden reality for me that I have never really had before. I am welcoming it with open arms.

[Margaret345]

Ready for a way out

Thank you Free. I will check out the yoga challange for sure.

[free at last]

Ready for a way out

Margaret, there are a bunch of women on MWO who are in early/mid 50s (me, No Sugar, Brydie, others). For myself, it was progressive. I went from drinking very little in my 30s to more in my 40s and regularly in my 50s. While I never had any kind of work, relationship, money trouble, I didn't like the control it had over me. I started with a 30 day AF effort last year, then did some moderating. Then I decided I really needed to get three months AF in order to get some kind of perspective. After 100+ days, I chose to drink -- occasionally, a few glasses of wine with dinner. It didn't spiral out of control but, like you, I am very much aware of how quickly time is passing and I want to be in the best possible physical shape for my upcoming retirement. So, I've committed to the next 108 days being AF and, very much expect, that will put me in good stead to make it a permanent lifestyle choice. Glad to have your here.

[SoberSoul]

Ready for a way out

Hi Margaret, I can relate to the stopping, starting, etc. I am in my fifties too and sick of the whole thing. Like you said, what a waste of time; and at my age, every moment counts. You are wise to be nipping it in the butt now rather than wasting more years struggling.

I am determined not to drink as well so I'll be checking your thread and cheering you on.