Reality check

[daybyday]

Been floating around for 12 days AF now and feeling pretty proud and actually quite high on life.
In the past hour this Saturday afternoon I've had 3 really bad batches of news delivered. A death of a mother with children still in school, a very unwanted pregnancy and a summons to court. All news that is not mine but from direct family members of mine who I love very much and are turning to me for comfort.
I feel sad but so confused as I have never handled this much emotion sober before. It would have always been another excuse to get totally totalled. I actually am sitting here pretty numb cause I'm not sure what to do.
On my way out but wanted to put something down so I can continue on the AF path.

[Winefree]

Reality check

Daybyday,
Sorry you are getting hit all at once with so many upsetting issues. Yes, it is harder to feel the emotions we have when not drinking, but please remember that drinking will only make it worse and will not solve any of the problems.
So glad you came here to vent. Keep coming back and talk to us and stay on the AF path. You are doing well with 12 days. So proud you are here to share with us.

Winefree

[KatieB]

Reality check

Hi Daybyday,

Jeez - that's a lot of bad news delivered in a short space of time!
I know you want to be there for your loved ones, but look after yourself first and foremost.. but when you feel ready, all you need to do is listen.. and be there for them..
As for yourself, you know drinking will not help matters at all.. it will just make everything seem worse.. and could make you depressed.. we are here for you,
Katie xx

[daybyday]

Reality check

Thanks Winefree and KatieB for the kind words. Got through yesterday sober.....still sad and numb about it all but taking it minute by minute....

[Ijustrealised]

Reality check

gosh and I thought I was bad.. ok cans down the drain, not my life. Thanks dbd, you have no idea how your story helped.

[daybyday]

Reality check

A gentle hand may lead even an elephant by a hair.....your quote says it all. I'm glad the cans are going down the drain, for you.

[Boss.man]

Reality check

Keep it up dbd.

Alcohol is an old crutch. But face it. It never makes anything better. If anything it delays the "day of reckoning. For the most part, it just makes everything WORSE because you are delaying the little things that could be resolved while big things emerge.

A hot bath is highly recommended. Go take a hike and SCREAM in a private place. Jump up and down and shout what you feel. Or go find a favorite person or pet and tell them how important they are to your life right now. Do this, to find your center. Find your foundation.

You are doing well. Adversity builds strong people.

[Quit Quitting]

Reality check

Hi

That is all so sad for you to have to take on and at a very testing time for yourself.

When I stopped smoking I had what I can only describe as a teenage tear-away. Daughter aged 13 running away from home. I went to see my doctor to see if he could prescribe me something to help me sleep. When asked about smoking It old him I was 3 days into stopping. My doctor took my hand and told me I really had chosen the worse time to stop smoking.

Know what.............................................. ....................
I did and and so can you. The mind is an amazing thing and you need to have you wits about you to deal with all this emotion. AL cannot and will not help - the only thing AL will dfo is make you feel worse the next, and you really do not need all that to deal with as well.

Be strong for you, thinking of you

QQ

[spuddleduck]

Reality check

quit, how did you go about stopping smoking. i was never a big smoker but since being AF i have been smoking loads, using it as a crutch i guess. think its time to adress this nasty habit. ive got lozenges but i still smoke instead of having a suck on a lozenge

[looking for peace]

Reality check

Welcome and many good wishes to you. There is alot of support here ... I agree with what everyone has said here. Bossman, I especially relate to what you said. I have spent so many days delaying feeling when I could have maybe done something to solve the problem. As a result I have many things in my life that I regret. I can't do anything about that now.... I can move forward.

I have an autistic son whose situation saddens and worries me every day. I have spent his whole life putting off my feelings. Now, it's tough... I still worry and am still sad, but I'm taking steps on dealing with his future. I'm seeing a counselor starting wednesday and am going to find ways to deal with my son's situation without blocking out my feelings.

[Guest]

Reality check

Hi DaybyDay,

I am going to say some mean things here.

Can you take on these problems and still stay AF?

Are these people close to you?

I have said that 2010 is MY year but I now live in a different country to my family so no-one important wants my help. School asks and I say no. Friends ask and depending on the "ask" I may say yes. But this year is about me getting sober, fit and healthy.

Think about what people are asking from you and think about your sobriety. Can another family member do the support thing this time?

If you look after yourself this time and for the next few months, you'll probably be better prepared to help others long term.

Sending you strength,
Spam xx

[godschild]

Reality check

Hey dbd, I have to agree with Spam, I had to get extremely selfish during early recovery. Even though I was being selfish when I was drinking and everyone in my family thought that would stop once I got sober, unfortunately I now had to be selfish for a better reason. I had alot of conflict in my early recovery with my husband especially because I went to alot of AA, stayed afterwards to talk with people, spent alot of time with my sponsor and I would tell him f*** you, this is what I'm doing and if you don't like it, you can leave. Harsh I know, but this was life or death for me, I was a daily drinker and drank from time I got up in the morning until I passed out, this would usually happen 2 or 3 times a day. I knew that I would get to make amends when I got to step 9, so I did what I had to do for me. My husband didn't leave and I stayed sober a long time and was very happy and my life was good. After a year of sobriety my family got off of me and let me do what I needed to and I eventually started being able to be a more productive part of my family and not needing so much support. But I needed alot of help early on and I took it, I couldn't give anything back to anyone because I had nothing to give at that time. When I was 19 I lost a 4 day old daughter to death and drank heavily over that trying to get over it, but after 10 years when I got sober the pain was still there and I had to deal with it anyway. Drinking did nothing but prolong the inevitible. I had to deal with my life and my past whether I wanted to or not, the good and the bad, it is not always easy and God will never give me anything more than I can handle. Take care of yourself first or you can't be any use to anyone else.

[Farm Girl]

Reality check

Hi dbd, stay strong and take all the advice here. I'm not sure there is a good time to quit an addiction -it's pretty easy to find reasons to drink AL - bad things happen all around us and to us. But AL is not the answer and it will only make things worse in the long run. We are all here to support you!

[daybyday]

Reality check

Thank you

Thank you all for the words of encouragement. Spam, I didn't find your post mean at all. Your advise and godchilds on being selfish is really true and I do need to do that right now to stay AF.
Whenever I have tried to be selfish in past I always end up feeling guilty or mean. I usually end up going back to old ways which are not necessarily the healthiest for myself, just to make others feel better.
I have stayed AF through this and plan to continue on this path.

[KatieB]

Reality check

daybyday,

That's fantastic.. you know getting through tough situations AF will make you a stronger, healthier and happier person in the long run.. you learn other ways of coping; I used to always reach for the bottle when stressed out or upset.. but it doesnt ever help things, it just makes you more depressed and/or unable to help anyway!
Well done again,
Katie xx