I have a date tonight - help!

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Thank you so much Doggygirl and daybyday,
DG - you are totally right - thats the mistake i made with my ex husband (we are still married by the way but been separated for nearly a year - i cant get divorced until the year is up) - i depended on my husband to be "everything".. i DO need to get my own friends and life going before meeting someone else.. its difficult as most ppl i know are married and have families so im just on the outside.. i feel like a freak at times! ppl know I am on my own yet no-one seems to care! no-one EVER calls me! no-one ever checks up on me to see how I am - it really hurts! i feel something is really wrong with me for ppl to not care how i am doing! what do i do to repel ppl? i hardly drink anymore so know its not because of that.. i just feel abnormal in some way not having friends who want me around!

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Miss Behaving;847480 wrote: Hi Katie :l

I dont have much to add to what others have said except to say that Mr B's company went into liquidation about 2-3 years ago (because of things his business partner did - I would not have been best pleased if he had been as financially irresponsible as she was. He was merely guilty of being naive and too trusting). It was not only incredibly stressful at the time, it has had a lasting financial impact and we are only now starting to get our heads up out of the water again.

Take it from one who has been there - you definitely dont want that sort of crap in your life!!!

and please dont beat yourself up ........ treat your self to something nice. Here's a virtual bouquet for youQQQ :heartsnflowers:

Thank you Miss Behaving!

I love the flowers!
I guess I can be done without any more stress.. i have enough of my own.. thanks for the advice.. i think i will just avoid the opposite sex for awhile.. and try and get myself some sort of life happening!
Katie x

[daybyday]

I have a date tonight - help!

Katie, I don't think you are alone in feeling those feelings. I think it's pretty common for people on their own to feel like you do right now, as I have heard from lots of other single men and women over the years.
There is a book called "The New Single Woman" by E.Kay Trimberger or you may want to take a look at or try other similar books. If they are writing books about it, you can bet you are in the company of many other similar people.
I've always look confident and assured on the outside but I'm an anxious mess inside in social situations....I have started phoning other people I've met though to initiate non AL meetings, ie; hiking, walking, lunch (not ready for dinner yet with wine involved)
And, in doing this told myself ahead of time that I would not take any no's as a personal rejection....just continue on. Think of it as a new project for yourself maybe.
Maybe people see you as self-assured and confident too and don't realize what you are going through either? You certainly sound like someone I'd call if we were closer!

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Thank you again daybyday,

If we lived closer I would like to speak to you too!
I guess part of my problem is thinking there is something wrong with me.. that's why I am in therapy.. I will try the things you have suggested.. i need to think of some non-AL ways of living and enjoying.. I am going to a Playgroup so hopefully i can make friends there.. but its hard as i have almost zero confidence when talking to people.. i need to keep AF and taking my anti-d's.. thats the only way i can be happy.. i was so happy last week when i was doing that..
Katie

[sunshine_gg]

I have a date tonight - help!

Katie.. just a thought... is there something like Parents without Partners in your area? I joined them when I was first separated/divorced (at 33). I made quite a few new friends (some I still have 12 years later), there were lots of activities and many revolved around the kids (at much reduced rates, compared to if you were to take your son there by yourself).

I'm glad you came back... please don't ever feel that you can't or shouldn't - no matter how hard you fall.

:l

[mama bear]

I have a date tonight - help!

Katie..I am sorry I have not been home all day to support you
Youare strong and beautiful and employed and have a beautful son...so much to be thankful for.
I know from Facebook that you work at home, so maybe that's you feel isolated too......
I think I would go bonkers if I were single, worked at home, AND had a baby......
I applaud you for getting out and meeting people...just be careful and selective...
but maybe you aren't ready for AF dating...
just promise not to isolate...that makes your problems seem even bigger than they truely are..
(hope you don't mind the Facebook reference....I just worry about you baby)

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Thank you so much Sunni and MamaB - i love this place, everyone here is fantastic! i am feeling much better already.. i am going to give dating a miss and close my account as i am not ready to date sober.. i just cant do it - i am anxious enough as it is without adding more events to my life that make me anxious!
Sunni - I do have the details of a single with children organisation - im going to look into it again.. i just need friends right now, i dont need a man! the only "man" in my life is going to be my son.. :H
Thanks again..
Katie xxx

[fennel]

I have a date tonight - help!

Katie...this is only meant in the nicest way. Maybe your wee young man can be the "man" in your life for now...after all, he is at a vulnerable age and needs a stable life for now, and you need stability now, too. Put dating on the back burner for now. The last thing your wee man needs is a "boyfriend du jour" and you don't need to be struggling with whether or not to be drinking on a date. Concentrate on your wee little man and finding the best play parks for him, and staying A free.

Don't let your f*cktard ex get to you, and just focus on getting by. Trust me, the time will pass quickly enough. Soon enough, you will find a decent guy who will be there for you and your wee man. For right now, though, just focus on you and him.

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

I totally agree with you fennel.. though the times I have gone out, I haven't had my son.. my ex had him.. but yes, I am just going to concentrate on myself, my sobriety, and my son when i have him (which is most the time!)
Thanks..
Katie x

[OverIt2007]

I have a date tonight - help!

Hi Katie,

I am just getting in and getting updated on your date. When I read your post about having a date, I had this little funny feeling you might drink, because I know you have anxiety and going on dates can create alot of anxiety!

Please dont beat yourself up too much over it Katie. You were in a stressful anxiety filled situation and now you have taken some time to re evaluate things to progress forward with your next step. Dating is indeed filled with anxiety, and when you got someone saying "Hey, want a drink, and you really really want a drinK", well then its hard to say no.

Hey! You didnt get falling down drunk and have stranger sex did ya? Now, that would have been me! (former days) Soooo, I'd say ya did pretty good, LOL!!!

So... what do ya say of jumping back in the pool! Tag! Your it!!!

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

haha overit.. im off over there now to jump back in.. unfortunately i cant say i am going to have an AF may now ive had a drink yesterday! oh well.. i can start again nonetheless and attempt to make the rest of it AF!
Yes.. I totally know myself, and you know me too- i guess deep down i knew i wouldn't able to go without a drink on a date, i knew i would be too tempted.. and he bought all the drinks and kept buying me more! though he was a gentleman.. he didnt make any moves on me or anything.. but ppl dont know if you have a problem.. i will just have to avoid these kinds of situations for now.. thank you.. and see you in the pool!
Katie xx

[OverIt2007]

I have a date tonight - help!

You know Katie, this just dawned on me. We all tend to beat the crap out of ourselves dont we. You see me do it, and I see you do it. When we are beating the crap out of ourselves, we have to also try to remember to forgive ourselves. I know that is easier said than done, us being the perfectionists we are. Thats another thing. Being a perfectionist can be pretty hard to live up to!

You'll find your way girl. I just know it!

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Overit.. I am a perfectionist! you are totally right there.. i give myself such high standards that are sometimes impossible to live up to.. i am way too hard on myself, you are right.. thats what has led me to drink so many times before; the constant stress i put myself under, i would need a drink to relax or calm me down.. i need to be more chilled out and remember i am human.. no-one is perfect, though i often assume everyone else is, and thats why i pressure myself.. i need to give myself a break!
thanks for the support.. we will get there!
Katie x

[OverIt2007]

I have a date tonight - help!

You know how I know your a perfectionist Katie? Because you seem just like me in many ways, and I am too!

We just have to learn to how to find the happy middle place. The place where we find our peace.

Remember, your still a young lady. A young Mom too, but I see alot of determination in you. Your a fighter, and thats the type of person who does not give up, and who WILL find her happy place.

Have a good night friend!

[Phoebe30]

I have a date tonight - help!

Katie B hi this is short and sweet Im just about to go to work.........I am single too and at the start of my journey to AF I would love to meet somebody to share my life with as sober I have so much to give but I have decided that I need to give myself at least 6 mths AF to sort my life out, scary haven't been on my own since I was 15, I'm 31 now :$..........be a little selfish just now going AF can only enhance you as a person........don't be too hard on yourself for drinking it doesn't sound like anything bad happened as we all know it could of been alot worse todays another day dust your self off and move forward.......see you here laters bit longer than i thought lol