I have a date tonight - help!

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

I ended up drinking..

Hi all,

I was almost too ashamed to come back here!
I ended up having a few drinks with my date.. though the date itself went well, we got along and had fun - he paid for everything and took me out to a really nice Indian restaurant.. but yes, I drank and I wish I hadn't, though I don't have a hangover today as I drank lots of water too.. but I did also end up smoking! I found I had missed it and really fancied one.. oh dear I was doing so well on that front too!
I now want to start again and rack up my AF and NF days again.. it seems I am going to have to come up with some way of "rewarding" myself when its "me" time (when I don't have my son and I am not working.. which is about one day a week) that does not involve AL or cigs.. I just dont know what! Though I know this dating thing is partly to blame (due to my anxiety when meeting someone new), but I am enjoying meeting these new people...

[IAD]

I have a date tonight - help!

Katie.....Just pick yourself up and start over again. Fighting this problem is a war.......you may loose a few battles, but the ultimate goal is to win the war. Keep fighting K. IAD

[savon19]

I have a date tonight - help!

Katie - ok, you smoked & drank. But yuo didn't say: DID YOU LIKE THE GUY??

[JackieClaire]

I have a date tonight - help!

Oh Katie darling,

I really hate to say this but at the moment you are really going to have to concentrate on your own sobriety and son first.

Please believe me when I say even though I'm married and have kids. I used to be as lonely as hell. There was just me and a bottle.

I so glad you came back.

There is someone out there for you, he'll pop up when you're least expecting him. So dust yourself down, get back on the wagon and don't give up on giving up.

J x
:l

[NoraC]

I have a date tonight - help!

Oh Katie - :l:l:l:h I agree with IAD - Keep fighting. I know I am in the midst of a battle myself. :h

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Thank you Jackie Claire and IAD - I came so close to not coming back.. feeling a bit depressed this morning.. so tired; i went to bed too late and now feel like crap.. i wish i had just stayed in - i know its up to me but JC - do you think i should close my online dating account? i dont think i need to be dating right now.. i guess i am freaking out as im still young and dont want to be an old spinster but i cant be rushing this when i have problems staying AF when i date...

Savon19 - I did like him, though he admitted he is going bankcrupt and had to use both his parent's retirement funds on his buisness that is sinking.. so i dont know if i can deal with that stress if things ever got serious.. i have enough on my plate trying to keep me and my son afloat!
Katie

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Thank you Norac.. it is a total battle.. lets be there for each other.. x

[JackieClaire]

I have a date tonight - help!

Katie,
I'm on my second marriage coming up to 25 years in November. I was very young and naive in my 1st marriage and it lasted all of 3 years.

I met Mr JC at an insurance company thingy that neither of us would normally have attended and were equally bored together. That was 26 years ago. He popped out of nowhere and we now have two lovely kids.

Yep after reading about the bloke you went out with last night, I think I would give the dating site a wide berth for now.

J x
:l

[daybyday]

I have a date tonight - help!

I am so glad you came back on here Katie. Wow, loneliness was a huge one for me and the bottle too. I ended up a single mom at 34, great kid, great career, own home, really had it all...but so lonely. Dated a string of mr. wrongs for me, (maybe mr. rights for someone else) for the past 13 years. Would hate to see you go through that many wasted years too.
A great friend, great book, great movie, great walk, great gym, great MWO support group.....can really help us learn not to be lonely and feel so much better the next day.
I sometimes think getting over loneliness is harder than getting over drinking and smoking....
You obviously have A LOT of people on here in your corner with lots of love.
Sobriety first and the rest will happen when it should, big hug, welcome back!

[daybyday]

I have a date tonight - help!

P.S. Katie, it's my witching hour right now 4:40pm in Canada here, so being on here is big help!!

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Thank you for the support daybyday.. loneliness is such a curse.. when i dont have my son, i feel i have nothing to do or look forward to.. my friends never call me, no-one ever invites me to anything, everyone is busy with their own lives and families..
thats why i turned to the online dating.. however, the guys i have spoken to on there have been quite strange at times.. plus i just cannot date AF.. i am sick of feeling tired when i go on a date and drink, the next day i feel like this - tired and depressed.. i just dont know what else to do to ease the loneliness..

[Doggygirl]

I have a date tonight - help!

Hi KatieB. I can certainly understand the lonliness. I ended up like JC described. At the end, it was just me and my bottle, despite the fact that I'm married.

You said you really don't feel up to dating. So my suggestion would be...don't right now. Since you are not already in a marriage or serious relationship, why NOT just focus on your own self healing and discovery? I'm guessing you will have a much better idea of what you really want in a partner with some serious sober time under your belt.

Also, it sounds like you are missing a piece of life - having your own independent friends and interests and social activities for YOU (without a boyfriend or husband). I personally think it's a mistake to look to another person that we date / marry to fill that void in our lives. That's putting a lot of expectation onto one person. I have come to realize that for me, it is imperative that I maintain my own identity and interests and do not just rely on my husband as my only friend, my source of entertainment, etc.

Just some stuff to think about. I'm so glad you came back. The only way to fail is to quit trying. Onward we go.

DG

[daybyday]

I have a date tonight - help!

I really do feel for you and know that feeling. This is probably a good time to go minute by minute.....rent a movie, watch tv, do anything that distracts your mind....My "mind" used to let me know that was always the time I "deserved" to drink when I was lonely, it only made it worse.
You have such a great upbeat personality from what we all hear of you on here, you really should pat yourself on the back for contributing in such a big way to MWO.

[daybyday]

I have a date tonight - help!

And hear, hear to what Doggygirl said, that is what I am learning to do right now too. Cultivate more friendships, be more involved in my own life and not be wrapped up so much in a partners life....Good advise DG.

[Miss Behaving]

I have a date tonight - help!

Hi Katie :l

I dont have much to add to what others have said except to say that Mr B's company went into liquidation about 2-3 years ago (because of things his business partner did - I would not have been best pleased if he had been as financially irresponsible as she was. He was merely guilty of being naive and too trusting). It was not only incredibly stressful at the time, it has had a lasting financial impact and we are only now starting to get our heads up out of the water again.

Take it from one who has been there - you definitely dont want that sort of crap in your life!!!

and please dont beat yourself up ........ treat your self to something nice. Here's a virtual bouquet for youQQQ :heartsnflowers: