I have a date tonight - help!

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Thank you Phoebe,
You make a lot of sense.. I think i have heaps to do still on my self-esteem before dating again.. that way i shouldnt need to drink.. nerves i understand, as everyone is nervous on dates - but super anxiety where i can't even look up or stop shaking is not normal!
I just have to keep working on myself, with my therapy.. yes, nothing bad happened last night, it could have been worse.. at least i remembered to drink lots of water so i didnt have a hangover.. but still..
Katie x

[Guest]

I have a date tonight - help!

Katie

I've tried dating and relationships in my previous attempts to stop as well as whilst still drinking. My conclusion is - IT JUST DOESN'T WORK.

Since getting straight I've attracted the attentions of two chaps plus there is someone I know has always, and will always be there for me (and who fancies me like hell). I have however made the decision I cannot date or get involved not matter how well-meaning these guys are. Oh and all 3 know about my problem and 2 don't drink themselves.

I just know the added pressure of a relationship even a casual one will cause me stress and make my life too complicated for me right now.

I've decided I will try to get to 90 days before thinking of dating anyone. Already 1 of the guys (and my ex who was hanging on) has found someone else. Well that's them getting on with their lives and so be it. It would be no good for me if I were to have commited to them only to drink again-and no good for them either.

Concentrate on your drinking (or not I should say) and it will all work out.

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Thank you UKblonde,

Last night certainly did prove I am not ready for the stress of dating, as my goal is to be AF - the 2 don't mix!! (right now, or maybe ever..) I cannot afford to have any extra stress in my life, and am going to concentrate on myself.. as when getting to know someone, it is nerve-wracking.. i cannot handle that, or any additional stress that may come with being in a relationship. though i won't say I will never date again or want a man ever again, as I would like to.. but for now I need to keep up being AF and keep going to counselling.. hopefully i will get to the point where i dont need to drink, and can just be myself with confidence, but im not there yet..
Katie x

[Flip Top]

I have a date tonight - help!

OverIt2007;847567 wrote: You know Katie, this just dawned on me. We all tend to beat the crap out of ourselves dont we. You see me do it, and I see you do it. When we are beating the crap out of ourselves, we have to also try to remember to forgive ourselves. I know that is easier said than done, us being the perfectionists we are. Thats another thing. Being a perfectionist can be pretty hard to live up to!

You'll find your way girl. I just know it!

yes I agree we to tend to beat the crap out of ourselves too much, ive been told that but its easier saying not to do it than actually trying to stop those negative thoughts. Im a sucker for it.

Also Katie B im not saying you cant have relationships but I know when I use to get wound up at home it gave me an excuse to go down to the pub and booze for hours. I had work at 5am the next morning and I got home at 3am once, over slept. Had my line manager on the phone saying where are you. Had to drive in which I shouldnt have done.

You have to take care of number one(you)+one(your boy) at the moment.

[Ringing Cedars]

I have a date tonight - help!

Doggygirl;847466 wrote: Hi KatieB. I can certainly understand the lonliness. I ended up like JC described. At the end, it was just me and my bottle, despite the fact that I'm married.

You said you really don't feel up to dating. So my suggestion would be...don't right now. Since you are not already in a marriage or serious relationship, why NOT just focus on your own self healing and discovery? I'm guessing you will have a much better idea of what you really want in a partner with some serious sober time under your belt.

Also, it sounds like you are missing a piece of life - having your own independent friends and interests and social activities for YOU (without a boyfriend or husband). I personally think it's a mistake to look to another person that we date / marry to fill that void in our lives. That's putting a lot of expectation onto one person. I have come to realize that for me, it is imperative that I maintain my own identity and interests and do not just rely on my husband as my only friend, my source of entertainment, etc.

Just some stuff to think about. I'm so glad you came back. The only way to fail is to quit trying. Onward we go.

DG

Very well said Doggy Girl.

[K9Lover]

I have a date tonight - help!

Hi Katie,
I am a single mother also, and I have not been in a relationship for over 4 years (unless you count my marriage to alcohol). I too would like to eventually get into the dating scene, but I realize I am just not ready yet. There is so much I'm learing about myself, and how to deal with things as they come. I know that someday I will be ready, and be a better partner to someone when that day finally comes. Just take it easy, focus on yourself and your son, and let things happen. Good things will come...and probably when we both least expect it!
:h
K9

[godschild]

I have a date tonight - help!

Hey Katie, I had been married 3 times before I turned 25, the longest being 2 years, my sons father. I always had to have a man in my life to make me feel special and not lonely. I met my current husband at work, when I was sober, I was living on my own, raising my 4 year old son, attending AA and meeting sober people, getting healthier and wasn't even looking for a relationship. I was content for the first time in my life being on my own and then God sent this amazing man into my life and we have now been married 12 years. He treats my son better than I do and has been the best provider, he is always supportive of me and is truly my best friend. We only dated 1 month before he proposed and we were married 3 months later. Take care of yourself first and get healthier. As long as I was sick, I was attracting sick people. Good luck to you!

[Ijustrealised]

I have a date tonight - help!

I am glad the date went well katie, keep it up, I am recently separated - had a rebound and bang back into single life again, I don't plan on dating for a long long time but if the right girl comes along - well who knows? but I will not be going out looking for one.

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Thank you K9 Lover, godschild and IJR,

I definately think the moral of the story is after my only 2 dating "attempts" is to avoid dating for now.. I will shut down my online dating account.. I am quite fresh out of a terrible abusive relationship, so I know I really should be put off men for life for starters! I still have major issues that need to be dealt with before getting into another relationship.. thank you all again for your wonderful support,
Katie xxx

[godschild]

I have a date tonight - help!

Putting off men for life is not the answer, God will put the right man in your life when you are ready. If you keep trying to do it your way instead of waiting on God, you'll miss the man he has for you and that would be a shame. You are an amazing woman and deserve a man worthy of you, Keep the faith!

[dizilizid]

I have a date tonight - help!

Hey Katie. I drank last night and that was the final straw for my wife. She has officially left me. I can't believe she's gone.

[KatieB]

I have a date tonight - help!

Dizilizid,
I am so sorry to hear that.. I am going to PM you.. take care of yourself ok?
Katie xx

[dancingon]

I have a date tonight - help!

Dizi sorry about that. I don't know much about your story, but I do feel for you.

KatieB, I'm pleased that this time you felt you had fun and weren't sloshed when you met him. You have plenty of time. Don't panic. You are so young, you don't need to worry about being an old maid at your age. There are those of us who find ourselves suddenly single in middle age and that is a whole other ball game. But who says you need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled?
I do understand about being lonely though. Just take it as it comes.