I was not always a drunk

[Ijustrealised]

When I met my wife, I stopped drinking, but I was then just a social drinker, quitting was easy, it never bothered me, she preferred it so I just went along with it.
I have a speech impediment see, so I used to drink so I could relax and talk better, I kissed my wife for the first time on March 17th in Ireland, that's paddy's day, I was locked but she didn't seem to notice???? anyhow I quit drinking for years after that cause I felt I was lying to her.
Then I started again when I had a moment of weakness with a member of the opposite sex because I needed to repress my guilt, I could never face her after that, it was years later when I confessed and it was really not as bad as I thought, but the demon had set in and I was hooked to closet drinking.
Till it caused irreplaceable damage to my wife and child and now that's over.
Now I don't drink, don't ever want to.
But it's very sad.

Sorry just blurting out thoughts, woke up this morning and started writing what my therapist wanted to know about freedom... everything goes back to drinking, in order to hide.

I got my freedom, but I didn't realize it would be such a prison with myself.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I was not always a drunk

Keep searching, keep trying and you will find the key. The past is in the past, there is nothing to be gained by beating yourself up about it. Make peace with yourself and move on to the man you want to be, the man you can be. Good things will start to come into your life again.

[mama bear]

I was not always a drunk

IJR..I have done things I am ashamed of, but if we hold on to those bad feelings, we get sick.....either depressed, or an addict of some type
Glad you are seeing a therapist friend

[Ijustrealised]

I was not always a drunk

So nice, but its pointless lads. I have bought 12 cans which are in the fridge cause I just heard something that really put the bolt in all bolts [removed for personal reasons] ... now that's my life gone down the drain

[fennel]

I was not always a drunk

What do you mean, IJR? It's still not a reason to drink...throw the cans out. It's not worth it!

[NoraC]

I was not always a drunk

IJR - That will not help. STOP! Please stop.

[KatieB]

I was not always a drunk

IJR - Chuck out those cans! they will not lead to anything positive.. please feel free to PM me if you need to.. take care and look after yourself,
Katie xx

[Doggygirl]

I was not always a drunk

Ijustrealised;847335 wrote: So nice, but its pointless lads. I have bought 12 cans which are in the fridge cause I just heard something that really put the bolt in all bolts, someone I met after I got separated is pregnant... now that's my life gone down the drain

I'm sorry to hear about another possible challenge. BUT....drinking 12 cans of beer will help the situation....how again?????

No matter WHAT we are facing in this life, we can handle it better sober. Please pour the 12 cans down the drain. Please. Your life may depend on it.

DG

[Ijustrealised]

I was not always a drunk

Hello everyone, I had a few and they tasted horrible, done me no good what-so-ever, the problem is still there, but I guess that brings me back to day 1.
Crazy stuff, while I was drinking I was looking at the posts in this thread and completely ignored them. Why? anyone have any idea why?
And I am also going to change my forum and chat etiquette, I have been using this forum and chat room for sympathy also, which I am not going to do anymore, I am going to be supportive and use it to meet new people and get better, not complain and try to be happy.
I am doing it proper now, its a lovely sunny day - time for a walk along the beach.

Funny thing is I don't feel ashamed in telling you I did, I could have come in and said I threw them away but I would only be lying to myself, I did enough lying now - bull is being grabbed by the horns lads, time to jump in that pool - it looks lovely!

[Ijustrealised]

I was not always a drunk

By the way she is not, she wanted to know what my reaction would be if she was - my reaction was not what she wanted so she admitted she was not. Sigh.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I was not always a drunk

Good for you, it is indeed a beautiful day. 100% honesty is the only way with this. If we lie who are we fooling only ourselves. Onwards and upwards as they say, whoever 'they' are.

[Guest]

I was not always a drunk

Hi IJR,

No point lying to anyone here. We've all been in the same boat.

We don't come on here and quit immediately. I started here on 25th Jan with a 1 - 2 bottle of wine a night habit. I got it back to 2 bottles a week until about 3 weeks ago and since then I have had very little.

We read, we try different things, we adjust our goals, we come to understand our feelings and we drink less or stop.

I found your list painful because it got me thinking about things I am ignoring. I'm not sure if they should be addressed or left in the passed.

I think you've got what it takes to make it.

So keep on going, one day at a time. A few of us have an ODAT (one day at a time) thread going, if you want to pop in for a chat.

Spam xx

[Ijustrealised]

I was not always a drunk

Thanks KTAB.
You are right Sheri and Spam, that list is a good list to return to, little tears well up when I read it, you are right, why I would even consider AL again is beyond me after reading that list.
What happens in a few years I meet someone and do it to her?
Or when I do get to see my son, I do stuff like that?

Unthinkable.

I will look into that ODAT Spam, thanks.

[K9Lover]

I was not always a drunk

IJL-
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time lately. Please do not give up, or give in to the temptation to drink. It will not help anything. Please feel free to send me a PM if you need to talk. I received your email this morning.
Hang in there, we are here for you!
:l
K9

[KatieB]

I was not always a drunk

Ijustrealised;847659 wrote: Hello everyone, I had a few and they tasted horrible, done me no good what-so-ever, the problem is still there, but I guess that brings me back to day 1.
Crazy stuff, while I was drinking I was looking at the posts in this thread and completely ignored them. Why? anyone have any idea why?
And I am also going to change my forum and chat etiquette, I have been using this forum and chat room for sympathy also, which I am not going to do anymore, I am going to be supportive and use it to meet new people and get better, not complain and try to be happy.
I am doing it proper now, its a lovely sunny day - time for a walk along the beach.

Funny thing is I don't feel ashamed in telling you I did, I could have come in and said I threw them away but I would only be lying to myself, I did enough lying now - bull is being grabbed by the horns lads, time to jump in that pool - it looks lovely!

IJR,

The reason I can give you as to why.. is because a part of you was in denial, and did not want help - you wanted to drink.. But another part of you, deeply wants to change.. that is the part you need to listen to! I am the same.. when in that mindset, when the need for a drink takes over, nothing anyone will say will make a difference.. but the good thing is, you recognise this, and you did come back to get some help.. its when you go away for good and keep drinking is when the problem is more severe.. but well done on coming back! Lying on here would only mean lying to yourself, and that is pointless.. which I am glad you recognised.. everyone here is non-judgemental and supportive, due to the fact most of us have always been in someone else's shoes when it comes to almost all situations!
Take care of yourself and lets try again with the 30 day challenge!
Katie xx