I am seriously questioning how an AF life is better than one with AL right now. I will be very upfront right now: I'm on my 5th glass of wine and have no intention of stopping and I don't really care how bad I feel tomorrow. Basically tonite was my first "free" nite in a very long while that piggy backs with a day off tomorrow. By "free" I mean that I came straight home from work-no errands. I did take the pups for a short walk as soon as I got in the door.
Since I made the decision to go AF 2 months ago I've experienced a ton of emotions. The first month was filled with elation as I completed each day and nite AF. I was on top of the world, taking my supps and had finished the book. I let my family know what I was up to and 2 of my doctors. I was so proud of myself. The only thorn to all of this was some troubling sleep problems that no amount of natural remedies could help. My only solace was that everyone said this was only temporary and that my body would regulate itself very shortly.
Fast forward to 2 months AF with one slip in the middle of April. I have never been so depressed for such a long time in my life. This is bone crushing no way out depression folks. Never ever have I felt this before. The sleep issues have become rediculous. I finally convinced my MD to prescribe Ambient CR only to find out that my ins. co. won't cover it so I paid for the first Rx myself (10 days worth which I extended by cutting the dose in half). This worked in that it definitely helped me fall asleep although I still kept waking up during the nite but didn't stay awake. Unfortunately I can't afford to pay for this anymore and I know that it can't be used long term. I thought my MD was going to refill it with the generic brand but CVS informed me that the RX was never called in and that there is no generic brand of Ambient CR. This was the day I was leaving for my weekend agility trial so I was pretty pissed that the Rx hadn't been called in. I called my doc's office and using the staff as go between, she (the MD) called in an Rx for Trazadone. I was assured by the pharmicist that side effects were minimal. Ha!! If you call extreme dry mouth during the nite, horrible grogginess and a headache the next morning minimal then yeah, you speak the truth. I spent most nites drinking water because I seriously could not swallow without drinking water. Needless to say I was not in my best form the next morning.
Right now I feel like I can fall asleep with no problem. My hearburn is on the attack so I know I am not doing myself any favors but if I pass out and stay asleep for the whole nite it will be worth it. I also was really happy with the mellow feeling I had after 2 glasses. I felt more relaxed than I have in over a month.
Am I being impatient? I had all these visions of what my life would be like once I quit drinking and so far none of them have come true. Does it take longer than 2 months for the sleep issues to right themselves? What about the depression? It is the pits and I don't want to deal with it anymore. I have nothing to be depressed about so these feelings are alien to me. My biggest fear and I know this sounds trite is that I will end up like Michael Jackson-nothing helped put him to sleep but an overdose of something.
I'm not suicidal so please don't read that into what I'm writing but MJ had to be desperate and I'm afraid of getting to that point.
Since I made the decision to go AF 2 months ago I've experienced a ton of emotions. The first month was filled with elation as I completed each day and nite AF. I was on top of the world, taking my supps and had finished the book. I let my family know what I was up to and 2 of my doctors. I was so proud of myself. The only thorn to all of this was some troubling sleep problems that no amount of natural remedies could help. My only solace was that everyone said this was only temporary and that my body would regulate itself very shortly.
Fast forward to 2 months AF with one slip in the middle of April. I have never been so depressed for such a long time in my life. This is bone crushing no way out depression folks. Never ever have I felt this before. The sleep issues have become rediculous. I finally convinced my MD to prescribe Ambient CR only to find out that my ins. co. won't cover it so I paid for the first Rx myself (10 days worth which I extended by cutting the dose in half). This worked in that it definitely helped me fall asleep although I still kept waking up during the nite but didn't stay awake. Unfortunately I can't afford to pay for this anymore and I know that it can't be used long term. I thought my MD was going to refill it with the generic brand but CVS informed me that the RX was never called in and that there is no generic brand of Ambient CR. This was the day I was leaving for my weekend agility trial so I was pretty pissed that the Rx hadn't been called in. I called my doc's office and using the staff as go between, she (the MD) called in an Rx for Trazadone. I was assured by the pharmicist that side effects were minimal. Ha!! If you call extreme dry mouth during the nite, horrible grogginess and a headache the next morning minimal then yeah, you speak the truth. I spent most nites drinking water because I seriously could not swallow without drinking water. Needless to say I was not in my best form the next morning.
Right now I feel like I can fall asleep with no problem. My hearburn is on the attack so I know I am not doing myself any favors but if I pass out and stay asleep for the whole nite it will be worth it. I also was really happy with the mellow feeling I had after 2 glasses. I felt more relaxed than I have in over a month.
Am I being impatient? I had all these visions of what my life would be like once I quit drinking and so far none of them have come true. Does it take longer than 2 months for the sleep issues to right themselves? What about the depression? It is the pits and I don't want to deal with it anymore. I have nothing to be depressed about so these feelings are alien to me. My biggest fear and I know this sounds trite is that I will end up like Michael Jackson-nothing helped put him to sleep but an overdose of something.
I'm not suicidal so please don't read that into what I'm writing but MJ had to be desperate and I'm afraid of getting to that point.
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