My drinking is now ruining my life. I have the hangover from hell and have been in bed awake looking for help since 7am. In the pits of my hangover and almost every day, I have flashbacks and images from my past where Ive been drunk and made a fool of myself ot hurt others or had realisations that my drinking has ruined things for me.
Im now 36, have been single for 13 years and sick of being alone. This is the 2nd phase of problem drinking in my life and its much worse than the last one 13 years ago - oh look theres a pattern! Its been slowly getting worse since 2007 and now iM at the end of my tether. Ive alientated my freinds, argued with one of them about being sick of her picking on me for things I did ages ago. Im embarrassed when I see them knowing they know I have a drinking problem, have put on 2 stone from anti depressents and have a lot of emotional problems
I only drink wine, dont like spirits and drink between 1 and 2 bottles per evening. I can only manage one day off of drinking and Im just sick of it running my chance of a happy life. I know I have a lot of painful emotions I need to process and have had therapy using CBt and talking therapy but the anti depressents suppressed the feeling so I didnt actually deal with them. I stopped the meds 6 weeks ago and felt amazing for like 2 weeks - havent stopped drinking btw - then the depression pushed me back down 3 weeks ago.
Im seeing my normal doctor on Tuesday to go back on the anti depressents but I saw a young dc and locum last night and asked him about using Naltexone and he said that the surgery had to refer me to the local drug and Al service. I got rather frustrated as my other doctor told me it wouldnt be a problem getting a prescription. Anyway he sensed my frustration and commented on it and then we had a heated conversation. He is a doctor and didnt once try to calm me down, other some understanding or options and he didnt really help me at all - there was a trainee dct in the room too so it was all quite embarrassing.
The reason why I was frustrated was I contacted the service last summer and they after visiting them they told me they could only see me during the day which meant taking lots of time off work which wasnt an option for me. AL counselling was in the day too. Im a professional manager in a full time job. I also contacted another charity last summer and again they told me they couldnt help me as all appts are daytime.
Anyway, sorry to ramble. I just feel like Ive been really trying and reaching out for help but no one is helping me or helping me to help myself with other solutions. Im seeing my normal dc on Tuesday so he can help I hope.
So, Ive ordered the supplements - many which I take anyway - and will see how it goes with my doctor on Tuesday. If he wont prescribe me some Nal, I will have to buy off the internet. I will also get mwo book and CD.
Ho hum, the good news is Im off to see an old work colleaugue tonight which is great but I have the hangover from hell and she will be ready with wine when I arrive and will be expecting us to have a few bottles as normal.
Thanks for reading and I will look around to get a feel for the topics to post in. I think this site is going to be a life saver for me and I just want to thanks and send love and big vibes to you all. Its giving me a lot of strength to quit and I know Im not a alone.
xxx
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