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[redredwine]

Hi Folks,

Like many others in 'just started out' I suddenly find myself drinking too much. The background, I am sure, will also be similar:

My mother died suddenly (Cancer) and my father couldn't handle it. He tried to kill himself and I had to have him 'committed' to a mental hospital. Then my wife's mother died (also Cancer). My father appeared to be better, and was in and out of hospital but it was all a scam, just when we thought he was over my mother's death he hung himself. Then my wife's father died. All of this evolved over a number of years (2002-2006) but all the deaths were in the month of June.

After my father died I started to drink more and more. But after a while I was able to moderate and normalise my drinking.

But in June 2009 my son died of a drug overdose, my wife and I never knew he had a problem. Since then I have been drinking more and more. A bottle of red wine every three nights, became two, and has now become a 2 bottles of red wine almost every night. My marriage is strong, but I have hidden my (excessive) drinking from my wife. I am ashamed to admit it.

I found that drinking a lot meant that I could collapse in bed and go to sleep, without the harrowing and mental torture of reliving my mental YouTube of finding my son dead. We hadn't seen him for almost two weeks and so called to his apartment only to find him - not sitting with his feet up watching TV, but dead, green, and badly decomposed. It is this image that haunts me.

Of course I know that all this background could be considered an excuse. I have always been a drinker, indeed at work whenever we had a great success - there was a party! Also whenever there was a big failure (close colleagues dying) there was a wake to drown our sorrows! I retired in 2008 after 30 years service and I thought I had put all my PSTD behind me. But the death of my son has brought them all back.

All of the above is just for information. I have started therapy for the PTSD, grief and trauma. BUT I know that I am drinking too much and seek help, advice and guidance. I want to sort it out by myself, privately, without AA and the 12 step programme.

[cpn1004]

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Hi Red,
Welcome, I hope you find some comfort here. I stopped drinking last December, then my brother died and on April 28 my mother died. Neither of those deaths compare to your experience, but they were tough for me to fight through without my usual dozen beers every day.

Hang around here, read the posts and you will something that works for you.

[KatieB]

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Hi redredwine,

I too am very saddened by your story.. You have had to deal with so much, its no wonder you turned to AL.. you say you hide your drinking from your wife, but if you are drinking 2 bottles a night, I am sure she probably knows but loves you so does not want to confront you, though I could be wrong.. I am so pleased to hear you are getting counselling.. and maybe some anti-depressants could help? though I am not a doctor.. they really work; I am taking them myself and they have helped me hugely..
This site is a great place to get help with your drinking.. not all of us want to go to AA either, though it is a personal choice of course.. You probably already know, but drinking will only make any depression and anything you are going through seem worse.. though it does seem to help to get you through in the short-term, long-term it will not help at all..
You are doing all the right things - counselling is a great step, and so is coming here.. please read and post often and we will support you anyway we can - maybe you want to join us in a 30 day challenge? If not, that is fine.. it is up to you ultimately how you want to tackle this.. most of us are still learning, but there are many "experienced" people on here who have helped me hugely.. i wish you all the best on your journey,
Katie xxx

[Lavande]

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Hi Red,

Welcome to MWO, this is a good place!

Thank you for sharing your background with us. You certainly have had more than your fair share of heartache over the past several years. I developed a heavy wine habit myself trying to self medicate my troubles too. It seems to be a fairly common thing to do.

If you haven't already, read the MWO book. Yoiu can download it right from the Health Store. It explains everything you need to get started. I didn't use any meds or even the supplements but I did use the Hypnotherapy CDs. I found them very helpful in learning to relax without AL. Also you need to make a plan for yourself. Look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html
for good ideas.

Please feel free to drop in the Newbies Nest thread for support. Lots of folks there just getting started as well.

Wishing you the very best on your journey. If you have any questions please just ask!
Lav

[mollyka]

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Hi Red and welcome.
Life certainly has thrown a lot at you no doubt about that and you have all my sympathy.
You must now decide how you deal with everything and even by coming here it sounds like you may have already decided. Look for any help you can get, Docs, Counselling, this place, whatever it takes cos what you do now dictates whether the tragedies that have already occurred cause another one or not (you).

My nephew committted suicide at 16 about 4 years ago. Nothing apparently wrong with him, no reasons, zilch. My SIL has since fallen into a very very black place. She drinks all day every day and most of the night as well. She weighs about 6 stone and looks about 80, she is 51. She will not survive another 5 years. I'm not telling you this to depress you on the contrary - this is now your choice, and believe you me, the 2 bottles a night will become 3 if you don't stop now. Thinking of you and well done coming here - it's a great place
Molly

[Panno]

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Hi Redredwine your story is very sad and took bravery to tell. Welcome to MWO where I know you will find lots of support and great advice, as you have read so far. Please keep coming and posting so we can all help. ODAT, one hour at a time or just one minute at time is definately the key steps to stop drinking. :l

[byebyebridgetjones]

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Hi There.
I really hope you come back redwine. We can help you, I think.
This is a link for our Tool Box thread with lots of info to get you started.


https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html


You've had more than your fair share of hard times I see.
With regards to your PTSD, make sure you see a specialist councillor. They might be good at general psych, but PTSD is very different, and you really need someone who knows what they're doing.
Bridget.

[gyco]

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hi red,red,W,i beleive youve started the help progress , by just coming here and talking[writing],ive been on this journey for years,in and out of the hospital,short stays,not getting itAA program for years,not getting it,,thro an in treatmemt program,[31 days],beginning to understand why things are they way they were,the best thing tht ever happened to me,i dont preach AA,it does nt work for all,we all live by the last 11 steps,if your nt aware the the 1sy step,is 2 steps,many cant get by wonderingor the admittance of being an alchoholic,thro time ,many begin to understand tht there are some things you shouldnt do,swim in the deep end of a pool,but wonder why you sink,ride a bike,but keep falling down,drinking is the same,it takes time to understand,welcom,youve found a great site gyco

[Guest]

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Exactly as Gyco says - AA didn't work for me however the 12 Steps are simply CBT dressed up in flouncy writing. For anyone to quit drinking they generally have to go through the 12 Steps anyway - just not necessarily in the AA format.

For me I practice step 1 daily especially when I have a craving or urge. All this means is that whenever I'm tempted I remember simply how bad, ill, terrible my drinking was and tell you something that keeps me from taking that drink. Of course the first part of Step 1 is accepting you want to stop and doing it. Further steps are performed when you start to learn to deal with real life without a drink.

So you are probably going to be doing them sub-conciously whether you like it or not!!!!

You are in the right place though.

[LVT25]

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Welcome to MWO, Red. I am so sorry for your losses. I have two sons (13 and 15) and I can't imagine going through what you have. As parents we naturally worry about something bad happening to our kids and how we would handle it. I always thought I would probably hide under my blankets and stay drunk forever. I hope I never have to find out.

My drinking did escalate after a series of losses though. A couple of good friends in car accidents, some through divorce, my parents got sick and died 6 months apart, my father in law.....all in a span of a year.

I wonder if you have other children or grandchildren? This would be a good incentive to help you quit the drink. You have gotten some excellent advice here already. I think the MWO program is great. The supplements, the exercise, the cd's.......I didn't use the meds, but others have with great success. Please read the book, and stick around here. You will get lots and lots of support. I'll pray that someday that awful video in your head is replaced by only good memories of your son.:h

[johnnyh]

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Hi red red wine.

Welcome friend. This is a fantastic place. Please do stick around.

I have to tell you, Your story is anything but average. Yes we all have our backgrounds and many tough ones but never underestimate the gravity of these events in your life. I think this isn't about making excuses or the drinking being excusable but RATHER very, very much understandable. I mean who, Alcoholic or not could just cope with circumstance such as yours.

The first thing I want to tell you is, good on the counselling and keep doing that. I think the support is absolutely fantastic here but you have some serious issues to work out as part of the process.

Btw, I thought I was hiding the fact that I was drinking more and more excessively from my wife but after coming out that I felt I had a problem she admitted she had thought so and known so for a long time. It was a great relieve sharing this witih my wife.

Good luck on your journey and stick around!!

[Cinders]

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Red,

:welcome: to MWO.

I, too, am so sorry for your losses. Being an alcoholic who drank to relieve stress and sleep, I can completely understand the drinking getting worse. Alcohol, is, after all a quick and immediate relaxer.

Unfortunately, our friend becomes our enemy and it is an incredibly sneaky and underhanded enemy.

I am glad you found us and I hope that you find a way out of the nightmare. Two bottles a night was where I was a few years ago. It became much much worse. If you can stop it now, your life will be much better.

Love,
Cindi

[redredwine]

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I would like to thank you all for your warm welcome. I have ordered the book and in the meantime I will have a good look around.

[KatieB]

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redredwine,
It's good to see you.. and its great that you have ordered the book.. let us know anyway we can help you - would you like to join us in a 30-day challenge? feel free to grab some hiking boots and join in the climb,
Katie xx

[Frangipani]

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Red,

Welcome! I have only been on this forum about a week but am finding it to be an amazing support system. I am so sorry for all your loss. I didn't even have that kind of loss and found it necessary to try to get a buzz to deal with emotional issues I was going through. Don't feel bad about what you have done to get through your rough times. Just be glad that you're here and ready to do the work to get sober and healthy again. All of us here are on a journey together. You will find it so beneficial to tell all your deepest darkest substance abuse secrets and then get multiple replies from people who have done the same or worse. You can say whatever you want and there is no judgement. You are not alone! That's what I have learned in this one short week of being on the MWO forum. I'm making it a point to get on here everyday if I can because I cannot let myself get complacent or my demon train will come back through and I'll binge drink and hate myself all over again. This is a really supportive forum you've joined. Welcome again.