Hanging in There

[girly wirly]

Hanging in There

just 4 me

well done on your 13 days. here's to your next 13, take it one day at a time, you are going great guns xx

[KatieB]

Hanging in There

Justforme,
I am taking anti-depressants too and understand the void you are talking about, as many of us seem to do here.. anti-d's really DO work without AL!! I feel happier and more positive than I have in ages.. AL just brings you down in the end.. it does not do anything for you at all..
If you give the anti-d's chance to work without AL in your system, then I am sure they will work.. as mine have done..
We are here for you too,
Katie xxx

[NewOne]

Hanging in There

I'm thinking that maybe when we get these days of..what the hell am I doing?...maybe we should do us some good ole gratitude.

I will be the first to admit that I do not indulge in gratitude often enough. I almost find it scary. Like if I give gratitude to something it will majically disappear. The knock on wood mentality. The Don't jinx it, mentality.

Well, today I am going to over ride that & say that I feel great gratitude that you & I made it over a hump yesterday evening.

I give gratitude that I could talk to you & you could relate. That I leaned on you & visa versa.

Yay us! We rock!

We will call this the.."why can't I drink, I'm not a drunk" brain lie ...lol...I get this one a lot. ;-)

Justforme;855579 wrote: Just got in and read your post new one. I have been taking anti depressants on and off for a couple of years. My counsellor has told me numerous times that alcohol is a depressant but that didn't stop me enjoying it. It will be interesting to see over the next few weeks (gulp) how different I might feel without the alcohol battling against the anti-depressants. Keep in touch over the weekend. I'll look out for you!

[TRUCKER123]

Hanging in There

Hi Everyone, Justforme What your going threw is normal! I felt the same way... Well my life is over i can't drink any more MY LIFE IS A TRAIN WRECK THIS SUX I WOULD RATHER JUST DIE.. My alchol counselor told me yr's ago that this a normal reaction he said to me,Trucker your goin feel grief he was RIGHT! A very smart man with lot's of compassion.. he sat down with me and TOLD me to look him in the eye's i didn't want to because i was crying.. and i was raised as a young boy...like lots of men here never show your scared and never ever EVER CRY.He explained to me you just lost your best friend in the world BOOZE! I was to busy thinking of my loved one's at the time .. but later i understood what he was saying to me, It did sink in i missed getting high..i thought i was missing out on life i WAS missing out on life.. I was HIGH all the time LISTEN TO DAYBYDAY AND DOGGIEGIRL and the rest HERE there all giving great advice! This to shall past.. once we get threw the physical withdrawl the problem lies right between are ears. Unfortunally i did not listen but im grateful to be alive and im with you all.. best of luck.Goin on 3 weeks. Trucker123

[Reenie]

Hanging in There

Great thread everyone. I needed to read this.

[Justforme]

Hanging in There

Thank you all for your comments, everything so totally true and helpful. Just got off the phone from my sister and took a big breath and 'confessed' that I had made a committment to myself to be AF. She initially said what I expected her to say ... but you don't have a problem, you don't need to do that, do you. But after telling her that I believed now that I did, and that my drinking was starting earlier and earlier in the afternoon and finishing later in the night she told me that she thought I was really strong and was right behind me and was happy for me. It's just another shot in the arm on the support network as far as I'm concerned.
Day 14 YAY!!

[Guitarista]

Hanging in There

Great stuff JFM, and congrat's on day 14!
Also, bear in mind, that for some reason, alcoholism, problem drinking, whatever we call it, is often progressive, and each time many of us stop and take it up again after a break, we can get back into it harder, and harder, so it's important, i know for me, to deal with it, the sooner the better.

Keep going! It's a weird and wonderful journey. You can do it. It has been done, and is being done, right now, all around the world. You aren't alone, and it will get easier over time. For now, of course, just focus on not drinking, good nutrition, some gentle exercise like walking at least, and get into forming your new habit's/routines, or neglected older one's, that you enjoy.
The 'Toolbox' thread in 'monthly abstinence' section is also good reading if you haven't already.

Best wishes on your journey. Go for it!

[Justforme]

Hanging in There

All good sense thanks Guitairista. I wasn't able to find that tool box with the 30 day challenge. Someone gave me toolbox on a thread but then I couldn't work out where to find the stuff everyone was referring to. I'm not the best at finding my way around these sites.

[KatieB]

Hanging in There

Justforme,
I have started a 30 day challenge which is in this section of 'Just Starting Out'.. it is an analogy of climbing a mountain!! Quite a few of us are on board.. please feel free to join us if you want to,
Katie xx

[Frangipani]

Hanging in There

Pretending to be fine

[QUOTE=Crowgirl;855366]

Crowgirl said: But thinking about polishing off a bottle makes me think about the morning after. All the things I would do to function during the day... Drink water, coffee, Gatorade...eat eggs and cheese, take vitamin B, slug Emergen-C energy drink mix, take some more Chaser Plus hangover remedy pills. And pretend I was doing just fine to my family. It was like a full time job keeping it all going!

Crowgirl and All,
I too have done all these things to try to feel better the next day. But the big thing that struck me is the pretending to be fine to your family. I guess that was another game I played. My hubby would think I was absolutely smashed but I would pretend to be fine the next day so he would actually tell me he must've just thought I was really drunk. Guess I should tell him about this little game now. I've been telling him everything I can think of.

[Justforme]

Hanging in There

The weird thing for me was that I don't think I ever had a proper hangover. Probably just felt seedy most of the time but it became normal. I don't think I ever appeared really trashed as I think I was just quietly sedated most of the time by the time it was bedtime! My counsellor yesterday said that for some people their tolerance (chemically) is higher than others - they don't show it as much. This hasn't got anything to do with whether you are a large or small person, just metabolism stuff. So that made me think ...

[Frangipani]

Hanging in There

Hello All,

I TOO am on an antidepressant and was told not to drink but have anyway. It used to seem ok but my last drinking endeavors have been depressive, sloppy and horrible. I've been counteracting the antidepressant and was falling apart with work, home life, and everything else. I wasn't thinking clearly, couldn't priortize, couldn't start working until at least noon, couldn't focus. I think all this time I was just completely causing a terrible effect on my brain with drinking on the antidepressant. Common theme here and I'm so glad to read all of your stories.
I want to admit some horrible things I said the last night of binge drinking, which was May 4, 2010. Of course I started as a happy drunk and then became a depressed, sloppy, crying, falling, food scarfing drunk. My husband had come to get me from the Fox and Hound and brought me home. He was upset with me. That made me depressed. Then I actually said that sometimes I wish I would just get a horrible disease that would claim my life. He started to tear up and asked why I would say such a thing and said that him and my son needs me and if I didn't care about him I needed to at least think about my son. To that I answered, "He'll be alright without me." How horrible!

[bom79]

Hanging in There

Keep on hanging in there!!

Hi JFM, I haven't been on for a few days and saw your post. Keep up the good work. I made the commitment to work this program 9 days ago. Went 4 days AF, made it through my first AF weekend in probably 14 yrs. Yahoo, miracles do happen! Monday, my 5 oclock brain took over after a tough day and I had probably 2-3 double JD's. Felt like absolute crap on Tuesday and have been back on track now 5 days. I didn't beat myself up for drinking, unusual, I just kept praising myself for what I did acomplish. Now I'm back on track.

The whole process of drinking, then trying to hide the hangover while trying to function is time consuming and draining. I have noticed too that I feel withdrawn, but extremely calm. I'm thinking it's a side effect of the supplements. I'm also thinking, maybe it applies to you also, is that all that time we spent wasted and trying to recover is gone, and now there is unused time and mental energy, kind of a void that you aren't sure yet what to fill it with. You feel like your personality is different being AF. That's ok, it's a process you are working through. I'ts a transition and you will continue to discover things about yourself and evolve into a person who accomplished something truly great.

I get the impression you are more extroverted when you drink, I guess I do too, in weekend social situations, but mainly I would drink during the week while getting dinner ready, and kind of used it as a way to insulate myself ie, a way for an ostrich to put it's head in the sand or a shell a turtle could retreat it's head into. A way not to have to deal with life. Now, I am more present and it does take a little getting used to. I don't want to get into a whole thing, but I would call myself a very laid back person, married to a very high maintenance person with a high maintenance child and one laid back child. My laid back one will be a senior next year, then he's gone . He is my kindrid spirit and I feel like I only really have one more year with him under the roof and I will miss him tremendously. I want to be present for him, not in a haze. I didn't intend to ramble, but once I start, it just comes out. Keep it up JFM! :goodjob: