Falling Apart

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Another thing for today. I do still love and miss my ex. But I'm not going to let that control my emotions. I'm going to enjoy today being sober and have fun. Hell she's the one missing out on who I'm becoming.
Yes I'm in a good and goofy mood today. I like being alive and sober!

[K9Lover]

Falling Apart

Hi Sk8!
Glad to see you so positive today! Keep it up...we like you goofy!
Have a great day!
K9

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey K9!

Yeah I like being goofy. Hope you have a great day too!

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Hey Sk8!

On a Super Super QUICK break from work, but just wanted to say, its nice to see you goofy and happy too! Girls just love goofy and happy guys Well, I do.

Sk8, the only persons emotions you can EVER control, well is YOURS! You already know this. But keep being the together, smooth, mysterious type guy, keep her wondering ???? And I bet money she will be back.

Now you have an added edge here, cuz us ladies will tell you's how we think. Be strong, silent, and keep her wondering and guessing just a bit. It will be GOOD trust me.


SHit!!! Late for work! LOL

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Today was pretty good. Remained in my positive/goofy mood. I'm still frustrated, annoyed, and a little angry at the lack of communication but I recognize that and don't let it control me. Like you said Over only thing I can control is myself. Life is a little easier doing that.
I did have to send her a email asking what my son might like or need for his birthday at the end of July. I will be amazed if I get a response to even that question. But that is it. I'm cutting communication for a couple of weeks to see what happens. I'm still going through with my plans for her birthday gift. Because I do still love her and I think its the right thing to do. It should catch her off guard. But it seems I am taking the high road more and more recently. My new outlook on life is treat others as you want to be treated.
Got to go to the doctor tommorrow morning to get my medication evaluated. I do still hate going to the doctors...
Anyway hope everyone had as good or better day then I did. Oh and Over thank you for letting me know how you ladies think. I can use all the help I can get!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Ok so I was just thinking. I know I know oh boy here we go...No this is a good thing. My earlier post I describe feeling frustrated, annoyed, and angry. I think I could be wrong there. Let me explain. Imagine you worked very hard to get something you've always wanted, it could be anything. So you finally get that something. You rush over to your best friends house to show them you finally got it. But when you get there your friend isn't home and isn't expexted to be home for a long period of time. Well now you feel disappointed your friend can't share in your joy. That something you worked so hard for doesn't seem so great now. But it still is. Just through the disappointment you don't see it that way.

That is what I'm feeling. Disappointment. I worked so hard, went through hell, to get sober and get my head and emotions together. I'm so happy. I never thought I could do this but I did and am.
My girlfriend shutting me out is like the best friend not being home. One of the most important people in my life isn't willing to share in my accomplishment. I'm not frustrated, annoyed or angry at her. I'm disappointed in her. That disappointment is keeping me from fully enjoying what I have accomplished. Not anymore.

I know I still got a long journey ahead of me. I'm not "all better" but I am at a good point in my life. I hope this made sense.

[patrice]

Falling Apart

I understand exactly how you feel.. its like you have been cheated of sharing the new you. But again you have no control over what your gf does or thinks. The same for me and my husband, I would love him to come back so we can have a second chance because I am now on the right road... but he wo'n and I can't change that and 8 months is long enough to be hoping that and hoping that he will contact our son. I have now accepted and feel beeter about that. You are still in the early stages.. anything can happen

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good for you Patrice! I've also found once you accept something its easier to move on from it. Works in all aspects of life. That's how I'm beating alcohol. I've accepted the fact I can't have even one drink. That one will lead to 12. Give that a shot to help you when you're struggling with the craving to drink.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

I completely get what your saying as well. Your growing and changing, and you wish she could see all the growing and changing too! Well, just remember has it only been 2 months? Now that can be a long time if you look at it, or it can be a not so long time, as she is probably looking at it. I understand your frusteration, I really do. Perhaps she really is testing you.

When you arrange to see your son, is your father still picking him up? Is it possible for you to meet her to pick him up yet?

I give you alot of credit Sk8. Im a real compulsive type person, I would have been banging at her door ages ago, but thats me, and not the right thing to do. I truly hope you get some answers soon!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Yeah its been 2 months. Feels longer to me. But like you said she doesn't see it that way. When I spoke to her a few weeks ago I asked about me picking up my son. She said her kids weren't ready to see me yet. I think that translates to she's not ready to see me yet. My counsler brought up a good point. If she truly believes I am such a awful person and that her kids would flee in terror at my presence then why would she feel comfortable with me taking a 23 month old? It was a good question that I couldn't answer. Just shows you how confused she must be.
I have come a long way. But that's because I have been focusing on "fixing" myself. She doesn't have that luxury with all the boys to take care of. I believe she needs to get to a point where she feels she's ready to see me. I just have to be patient. The time will come.
Trust me the old me would've done exactly what you feel like doing. Banging on the door or making calls. I think she expected me to do that. Just added to her confusion.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good morning everyone. About to leave for the doctors. Then I have to go to the DMV to get my license renewed. Fun day huh. Well better than work. I'll probably bring up my post from yesterday in counsuling today. Just to see her perspective on it. I do think disappointment is more what I'm feeling than anger.
I'm still feeling positive today. Hope you all have a great day.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Hope you have a good day too my Friend! Ahhh The DMV. My favorite place in the world! I just love getting those tiny little pieces of paper and waiting in line forever!

One time I was at the DMV literally for HOURS AND HOURS. When the time came FINALLY for me it was like they called the number in front of Me, So I was sooo excited! THEN THEY FREAKING SKIPPED MY NUMBER!!!!! Went right over me to the number after mine!!!


I hope you have a positive session with your Doctor today Sk8. Update us later

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well the doctors visit was quick and painless. Uped my dosage from 20mg to 30mg. Which is good I don't feel I'm at 100% of what I should be. More like 70%.
Now I got to kill time until the DMV opens at 10. Nothings open around here either.At least its a really nice day. Funny the old me would've been so pissed off I had to wait. Now look at me I'm calm and noticing the weather!

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

What meds you on Sk8? Hopefully the new dosage is the magic ticket for you.


I have never been a meds person, but I am all for them if they Work!!! My Doctor gave me some Klonopin, and I thought I am never taking these! (alcohol always my drug you know?)

Then one night last week I could not sleep. I thought what the heck, I should try the Klonopin in my cupboard for the past 3 months. Wow! Klonopin worked great! LOL.

Hey, if meds work! I am ALL for them now

[wannachange]

Falling Apart

You don't mind if I come in on your thread from time to time sk8 to compare stories do you?
I too had a great morning, met someone in relation to this- cost a bomb but he is good and he is organizing a meeting with the 4 of us to get things especially access organised, better than what a lawyer would do!
He recommended I do things regarding my AL issue too such as joining courses and going to specialists which I have just organised this afternoon oh and he charges per email so I have to be very concise in what I write to him lol... but it feels positive, he looked bleakly at the things I done and wrote during my depression - though but said it may pass off as a medical condition. Well lets see, fingers crossed... hope you have a great day.