Falling Apart

[techie]

Falling Apart

sk8punk 41 days man. WOW! I'm having just a shit day myself. My daughter will not speak to me, text me, or respond to e-mails. She even removed me from facebook. While I'd love to just logoff and head to the local watering hole, I ALSO KNOW THE RESULT. Therefore, I'm going to deal with this and hope that time will heal some of the damage my abusive behavior has caused. HANG IN THERE WITH ME!!! Post later with an update while I get another diet pepsi. REMEMBER, we ALL in the pile of crapola together....techie

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

We have to hang in there Techie. We both know making positive changes are more likely to give us positive results. I had a pretty shakey day. Got a unexpected call from a old friend I used to work with. Who ironically is the only person I used to talk about my relationship problems to. I. Had a good long talk so I could say I ended this day on a positive note. I know it takes awhile for the antidepressents to start working but I feel a little better already. Placebo effect I guess.
Hope everything is going good with everyone else. Talk to you all tommorrow.

[daybyday]

Falling Apart

What a great call from a good friend can do to cheer us up a little is huge sometimes isn't it! He must have got a feeling you needed a good friend now. Good work today Sk8, big hug.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Very true Day. The friend is. Actually girl ithat used to work with me. Purely platonic. But oddly she knows me way better than even my ex. Truely great friend. Oddly enough we usually only talk once or twice a year but I had a gut feeling she would call me during this crisis. Since being sober i ve learned to listen to that inner voice more it seems to be right 99% of the time.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Hey Sk8. Hope things are going well for you today. Sending some positive energy your way!

Funny story to share. I like to run with my Ipod and listen to techno. I have all these radio shows taped off the radio from 2001-2004. Crazy intense techno, rave stuff. Anyways I was running and all of a sudden this really soulful song popped up I had not heard before.

So this verse just jumps out at me...

"So you better learn to fly, and be happy just to be"


Sometimes thats all you can do, and just wait for it to get better Sk8. It WILL get better friend. I think thats GREAT you have reconnected with an old friend. I hope she can be of help to you!

Hey! I found the song on YouTube, LOL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwQteHVJGjs&feature=related[/video]]YouTube - Final Fantasy X2 ~ Walking in the Sky

[stiteal]

Falling Apart

sk8, great thread...very impressed with all the AF days especially going through such big issues. Good luck and thank you for posting. Your story, strength and vunerability are encouraging to me and I'm sure many others. Serioustly thinking about putting my real pic up there. I like what you said about not hiding behind being anonomys (sp?) anymore....I'm getting there. Thanks again and good luck, I will be tracking you!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Stiteal good luck ony your journey. I'm glad my story is giving you hope. Things are alright today. The meds seem to be relaxing me a bit. Fridays are usually one of my hard days. I do really miss my ex and have a strong desire to contact her. But I won't. Its not time for that yet. Like you said OverIt its going to take time for everything to fall into place

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well here it is another friday. Always my worst day of the week. Its on this day I miss my girlfriend and family the most. I think alot has to do with everyone is so excited about what they're going to do tonight and the rest of the weekend. But for me its just a reminder of everything I had. Everything I miss. Everything I would do anything to have back. Its the loneliness that really gets to me. As much as I thought of myself as a lone wolf most of my life. I now realize it was being with the pack that I really felt at home and felt like myself.
I do get to see my son on saturdays and that is fantastic. Until I have to take him home and the heartbreak starts all over.
I know I should really be focusing on the positive but sometimes it feels like trying to see the forest through the trees.
Sorry for the downer of a post. Guess my meds aren't kicking in yet. It seems to me the emotional tolls of my drinking are harder for me to get over then actual drinking itself. I know everything happens for a reason but I'm still confused as to what reason I'm going through all this pain (other than getting sober).

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

Skate,
You're going through this so you can grow as a person, figure out who you are, get healthy and set a great example for your son. If your Ex decides to get back with you it will be a bonus but it can't be the whole reason you are doing this.

I have no experience with meds, but I have enough of a medical background to know that most meds take some time to get regulated in your body and to take effect. You were feeling relaxed earlier in the day and attributed that to your new meds but now you're feeling blue again. I could be wrong but I don't think they've had a chance to really kick in yet but hang in there, they will. You will also need to keep in communication with your MD so the dosage can be adjusted as needed.

Some people start a gratitude journal to help them get over the blues and to see the good things in their lives when it doesn't seem like there are any. Can you see yourself doing something like that?

Tomorrow is a new day and with it new possibilities and the best part? You get to spend the day with your son!! I hopw you will take new pics and post them. He and you are such cuties and we LOVE cute pics!!

:l Papmom3

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Papmom, You are right. I know the meds haven't kicked in yet (i'm too used to the instant gradification of alcohol). I just let depression get the best of me at times. I need to stop doing that. Thats the old alcohol dependent me trying to take hold again.
I really like the idea of a gratitude journal. I may start one of those.
I really considered deleating my previous post, but I figure that I'll leave it up as an example to others as how this process is a hard and confusing time filled with ups and downs. Honestly lately there have been more ups but I seem to focus on the downs. I need to imagine this time as me climbing a mountain. The higher I climb (the future)the closer I get to my goal of a happy healthy me. But by looking down (my past) I run the risk or losing my balance and falling back into my past behavior.
Thanks Papmom I owe you one. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to put some sense into me.

P.S. I'll do my best to get another good picture of us. But that one is hard to beat. Now its time for me to go listen to 80's one hit wonders. One of my guilty pleasures that always seems to make me smile, laugh and feel goofy.

[mollyka]

Falling Apart

Yuch SK8 I think 80's music drove me to the drink!!!!(Joking!! just bout the drink still hate 80's music).
Give yourself a chance, the first few months are a rollercoaster of emotions - it will all come together.
Molly

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Haha Molly! Most people do hate 80's music. It reminds me of my childhood when everything seemed so simple. Funny how music has the ability to that. Musics always been a big part of my life.
I'm off to pick up my son. Can't wait to see him!

[Shikakai]

Falling Apart

Sheri;858535 wrote: Hi SK,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so depressed, but please know that you are not alone and that we are here to support you in any way we can. It's definitely easier said than done, but try not to dwell too much on the past. Although you may not see it clearly right now, getting sober allows us to heal the wounds of our past, make amends to those we may have hurt, and reinvent ourselves going forward. We just need to be kind and patient with ourselves during this time as well as our loved ones who may also need time to see and fully appreciate the positive changes we are making in our lives.

Congratulations on your AF time and keep going strong for your son who will always need you in his life!

Sheri

You always have such wonderful advice, Sher... :l

OP, I hope you get better soon...

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Hey Sk8,

Hey, I grew up on 80's music so therefore, I love it I was one of those big hair spray hair girls, spandex, hanging with the long haired boys in the band. Ahhh memories, LOL.

Hows your day going, do you get to see your son today? We all know your going through hard times right now, thanks for being brave enough to share your story with us. As you can see, we may be your cyber friends, but we do care about you and your well being, and thats the truth!

Life has its ups and downs, its true for everyone. I hope to see you having some ups real soon. Sorry if I dont have much great advice today, just wanted you to know I was thinking about ya. :l

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Over

On my way to get him now. Thanks for checking in and for being a supportive friend. Hope I can return the favor one day.