Falling Apart

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Over,

Just picked my son up now. Thanks for checking in and being such a supportive friend. And I do consider all of you friends.
Over you sound like you are a really fun person to hang out with.

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

Oh god, I LOVE 80's One Hit Wonders-especially the "new" music genre from the UK.
Don't delete your post Skate, one of the great things about this site is being able to search on your screen name and read all your past posts and the replies you get. It really helps when you find yourself repeating behaviors and it can be a great learning experience. Good luck on your gratification journal. I started on in "Starting Out" if you want to add to it and bump it up: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ude-41884.html

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Sk8,

You have a great time with that little man of yours. What a cutie. I suppose I am fun to hang out with, LOL. I bet your fun too. If you lived in Tampa Bay area, I would take you for a nice long walk along the beach.

Keep thinking positive thoughts, you will get there.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Had a great long day with my son. Taking him back still reopens wounds but its getting better. Not going into anything negative today. Those feelings are there but I'm fighting them off. Gotta stay positive.

OverIt I love the beach. You're so lucky to live near one. I always said I was born on the wrong coast. I've always related more with the California/beach vibe.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Just realized it has been a week since my first post. So how far have I come? Well I am still sober. Met some wonderful people on here. And I feel I made some small steps forward in getting out of my slump. I still wish my girlfriend would open lines of communication at least when it comes to matters of our son. Funny story from today. My son woke up today with heat rash on his back and belly. Around 11 this morning the phone rings and I answer. Its her. She paused for a few seconds she was expecting one of my parents to answer. She asks me about how his rash is and I tell her. As far as I can tell she didn't burst into flames from talking to me. But I can tell you I had a good anxiety attack when I realized it was her. I could tell she was as nervous talking to me as I was to her. To ease her mind I took pictures of his back and belly and messaged them to her and she replyed back that it looked better. I just wish she would do the same when I ask how my son is in the middle of the week instead of ignoring me.

Now lets see what the next week brings....

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Hi sk8. I don't think I've posted to you before, but I have read a little of this thread today and just read your last post. I am smiling from ear to ear for you. Seriously. I am so impressed with how you handled the communication with your wife today. Very understanding and empathetic and mature! You keep this up and she can't help but reciprocate if she is a reasonable person. So good on you! Congratualtions!! RC

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Nice to meet you Ringing Cedars!
Funny thing is I'm back to naturally acting as I did before AL took over. I am a caring, giving, selfless person. That was the person she fell in love with. AL definetly changed my personality 180 degrees. Now that I'm back to myself I'm not sure she knows how to react. At this time I think she can only remember what I became not who I really am.

[prancy]

Falling Apart

Hey sk8. Just read this thread and was so touched by your devotion to your son and your girlfriend. Keep being who you are AF and she will see the difference eventually. We leave a lot of wreckage in out paths so it takes time for others to trust us to be different. Hang in there. It will get better. prancy on the California coast.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Prancy I am jealous. I've been to California a few times , Huntington Beach area. I love it out there. Thanks for the kind words. All I can do is be AF and be myself. Hopefully everything will fall into place. Today is the first day I can honestly say I'm starting to feel like myself again. I tend to be my own worst enemy tough.

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

Ahhh Skate, you sound awesome today!! I'm so glad you had such a good day with your son. sometimes things happen for mysterious reasons and your ex getting you instead of your parents is one of them. She now has first hand knowledge that the old you is in part back. It will take time and again, you guys may not end up together again (things also HAPPEN for a reason) but I'm willing to bet the lines of communication will start to open soon. Just take it ODAT and be patient with her. She's feeling raw and psychologically bruised and battered too, just like you. Have faith in yourself and give yourself the breaks that we are giving you. Once you start liking yourself again, and forgiving yourself for the past that you can't change, others around you, including your ex will do the same.

As far as CA-my cyrstal ball tells me it is in your future even tho right now you can't see it because your son is in PA. Keep your mind open to all possibilities and you never know what can be.

Have a great day even tho the weather sucks. If it's not raining, get out those skates or that skateboard of yours!! It's Sunday!!
Hey this is called SK8 Clip!!

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Oh, this is good news! Not your sons rash (how is little pumpkin?) but the fact that you were able to comminicate briefly with your girlfriend. Its a small step in the right direction.

Listen, I am a woman (obviously) and I know how most women think, (I think!). You just keep working on yourself and in time, that girl will come around. Just be patient, SOBER, and going in the right directions with yourself and for the children.

You deserve a second chance with all this. Your doing everything right, and I hope when she realizes all the changes you are making, she comes back around and gives you another chance. Because your a nice guy, and you care about her and the children.

Keep being positive and lets see what this next week brings

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Pleasure to meet you as well Sk8. Just as the wise gals said your wife is going to be very cautious in protecting herself and your child. It is her responsibility and yours too. You are definitely on the best road for you all. Glad you are feeling like your wonderful self again and don't have a whole new set of social skills to learn on top of sobriety. Looking forward to hearing about your continued success. Have a great day!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey everyone!
So far I still feel positive. Woke up in a good mood which hasn't happened for months. I did text her this morning to see how my sons rash was. And believe it or not she responded that it was gone. I agree this rash and me answering the phone happened for a reason. I think her wall came down a little yesterday but I'm not going to push it. I'm going to keep doing what I have been.
Papmom your right we both have psycological wounds that need time to heal. I am prepared for the end result of all of this to go either way. I'm more focused on starting communication about my son. Then see where things go from there.
As for moving out to CA, not really in my plans but I would love to visit again. I want to get out today but I'll have to see if the weather holds out. I plan on doing something.

[Doggygirl]

Falling Apart

Hi sk8punk. I have really enjoyed reading your thread. It seems so full of honesty and a sincere desire to get sober. I was glad to read the encouraging news about your GF responding to your inquiry about your son. That seems to be a positive sign.

Clearing the wreckage of my past has taken a long time and is still a work in progress - probably always will be. My experiences as a practicing alcoholic have led me to where I am today, and will always be a part of me. They used to be a part of me for the worse, and now I think they are starting to be a part of me for the better. As one example, acceptance of my own addiction has helped me become far more compassionate to others with addictions.

Back to clearing the wreckage...

My drinking career spanned over 30 years of time. I have learned that realistically, the damage I caused to relationships doesn't repair itself over night. No amount of "talk" about my desire to live a sober life can replace the "walk" of sobriety. The longer I keep walking in it, the more forgiveness and trust I experience from others.

Keep faith that it will work this way for you too. Time and consistency will heal many wounds for you, and for those you love.

DG

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Doggy, my drinking career really only got out of hand for a year and half. Though the last 3 months of it were really spirialing out of control. I believe thats because depression raised its ugly head and compounded my problems.
Honesty is all I have now. No more hiding behind excuses and lies. It feels the day I admitted I had problems is the day I fully accepted responsibility for my life. I hide my feelings and fell into a lifestyle that nothing short of self destructive. I blamed the world and everone around me for my problems. It is hard dealing with all my issues while being so worried about my girlfriend and son. If she was in my corner things would probably be a lot easier. I'm meant to go on this journey alone.
I've really only came to this conclusion recently. I was very paniced to get my old life back to have something stable to build off of. But only time and my changes are going to lead to any positive results. My gut feeling is that this realtionship is not over. I'm not the only one hurting from my drinking.