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    #76
    Falling Apart

    You seem very wise. I know what you mean about looking around and thinking it would be nice to build sobriety off of other good things around us - good relationships or jobs or things or whatever. Truth is, for me my sobriety has to do with building from within. I was so soul sick with my drinking. There is nothing more valuable than my own soul that I could find to build from.

    I look forward to following your journey.

    DG
    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

    One day at a time.

    Comment

      #77
      Falling Apart

      Thats more or less where I'm at Doggygirl. Drinking competely destroyed who I really am. It was like I was Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Right now I'm still working out who I really am and what I want to be. I'm getting there. It is a hard journey to fix oneself and the world around them that they damaged.
      Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

      Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
      No more bad future-Skull Skates

      Comment

        #78
        Falling Apart

        Hi sk8 I see your day started off well. So glad the rash your son had is gone. Do you feel like the SSRI is kicking in? Your getting to the point where I started to notice a change in mood. More calmer, perhaps a bit muted but in a good way. I spent most of the day reflecting on my alcohol love affair and realized that everything negative in my life resulted from drinking/alcohol abuse. I knew I needed to do this assessment, and I plan on beginning a thread journal sometime this week. I was inspired by papmom3 and her journaling. Hope you continue to have many more good positive days to come...techie
        Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

        Comment

          #79
          Falling Apart

          Hey Techie! Yeah I think the SSRI is kicking in. Defenitaly feel calmer and more focused. Today was pretty uneventful. Just did some normal running around and laundry. Had to buy some new clothes since the majority of my stuff is still at the house. I too spend a lot of time reflecting on things. I think its important step in moving forward.
          Look forward to checking out your journal. I was inspired by Papmom myself. Hope everything is going good for you.
          Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

          Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
          No more bad future-Skull Skates

          Comment

            #80
            Falling Apart

            Thanks sk8. I'm looking forward to the journaling. I just need a few more days to focus on how I want to track my progress. I want to be as open and honest as I can otherwise its just junk a bunch of bits. Anyway you are doing great I can sense it in your posts today. Hang in there I hope tomorrow is as good to you as today...techie
            Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

            Comment

              #81
              Falling Apart

              Fair play SK you are doing great. DoggyG good insightful post there.
              Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

              Comment

                #82
                Falling Apart

                After a couple of positive days I bounced back to being down again. I know I need to stop beating myself up. Its hard to do when I know I'm the one who caused all this and I'm the one responsible for all the pain I and others feel. This fact is very hard to live with.
                I know I need to forgive myself but that is really easier said than done. I need to get back on the positive track of thinking but sometimes my heart overpowers my mind.
                Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

                Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
                No more bad future-Skull Skates

                Comment

                  #83
                  Falling Apart

                  sk8punk, you are a good man to CARE about the wreckage of your past. To feel the regret that you feel, and to have the desire to do better in the future. That is truly a good start.

                  My own path to forgiving myself and making amends for my past offenses to others is a one day at a time thing. I can't change the past, but I CAN work to be the best possible "me" I can be today.

                  It is very normal to have emotional ups and downs. Ex drinkers and non drinkers and normal drinkers all experience ups and downs. As drinkers, we tried to medicate everything (at least I did - the ups AND the downs) to try to keep some sort of even keel all the time. THAT is not normal. Ups and downs are. I found it disconcerting at first to try to face the downs sqaure in the eye without trying to drown it in AL. (and even the ups - and believe me, they will come if you stay sober!) They say we stop emotionally maturing when we start drinking to excess. So I was emotionally about 18 when I quit drinking.

                  So...be good to yourself and just do your best for today. That is really all any of us can do. I think if we always try our best to do the next right thing, even though we will make mistakes sometimes, things will right themselves. Please try to have faith that the same good things can happen for you in sobriety that have happened for so many others before you.

                  DG
                  Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                  Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                  One day at a time.

                  Comment

                    #84
                    Falling Apart

                    Thank you Doggygirl. I do think I'm concentrating to much on the future (and past), not on the now. I do have to have faith that good things will start happening. Right now I'm just in the middle of a lot of emotional wreckage that its hard to picture happiness. I know its out there waiting for me though. Its kind of like being on a raft in the middle of the ocean. You know land is out there it will just take time to appear on the horizion.
                    Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

                    Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
                    No more bad future-Skull Skates

                    Comment

                      #85
                      Falling Apart

                      I have nothing to add that has not already been said, but want you to know that there are so many that can relate to or sympathize with your story. Please look at your acomplishments not your failures so that you can find some peace today.

                      Comment

                        #86
                        Falling Apart

                        I'm coming to believe happiness is not the goal...knowing yourself and being honest with yourself is. Many people live with now. Now does not mean anything but that. Now is a good place to be. That's the moment by moment and do the best you can. And you are in the now!!

                        Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


                        St. Francis of Assisi

                        Comment

                          #87
                          Falling Apart

                          Hey SK8!! Lots of good words and wisdom for you today. I don't know if you are following the supplement program or not but I will tell you that since I started adding the GABA to my supp program, I am feeling a LOT better. Last month was torture for me-I have never felt so down in my life!! I think my brain chemistry was out of whack and was going through some latent withdrawal. Anyway, I know you're on the meds and remember you might need to adjust them every once in a while, but it couldn't hurt to look at some of the amino acids and other supps that help restore to our bodies, esp. our brain what the AL took away. Just a thought and I sure hope you feel better tomorrow. ODAT OK?
                          New Birthday: May 8, 2010

                          "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

                          KO the Beast!!

                          Comment

                            #88
                            Falling Apart

                            Going to try to do my best for today. I need to avoid the mental traps that always bring me down. Talk to you all later.
                            Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

                            Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
                            No more bad future-Skull Skates

                            Comment

                              #89
                              Falling Apart

                              Have a good one sk8 try to stay focused on the positive, your goals the reason you're fighting this battle! TTY
                              Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

                              Comment

                                #90
                                Falling Apart

                                Hope your having a good day Sk8!

                                Sk8, I think the reason so many of us like you on here, is that we SEE that you are a good person. An honest person. I see many admirable qualities in you! The fact that you have remained sober is amazing to me, do you have any idea how much strength that takes someone??

                                I know its hard to love yourself, I struggle with that every day too. As you get more and more sober time behind you, I truly hope you can look in the mirror and really like the man you see. A man who made some mistakes in life, but a man who became a real man by doing what it takes to change for himself, and those he loves. You will get there!:l
                                I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!

                                Comment

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