Falling Apart

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Alright, don't feel as bad now that I'm home. Still wish I had something to do but the weather got bad as soon as I left work.
My counsler asked me yesterday how I feel about the way my girlfriend is treating me, basically ignoring me and shutting me out of her life. She was surprised that I really didn't have a answer. I more or less just accepted it because of what had happened. Well it hit me on the way home today. I'm actually angry about it. I really don't deserve to be treated like this. There are more mature ways to be handling this situation. This may be a good thing. It feels as though I picked myself up out of my slump and said "you don't deserve to be treated like this. You made a mistake and you're doing everything you can to make yourself a better person. You're doing all you can do."
Just curious as to what all of you think.

[mama bear]

Falling Apart

50 DAYS?????
Amazing!!!!

[techie]

Falling Apart

sk8 you sound great. Yes, I can hear it in your post. Congrats on realizing you deserve some respect for dealing with your issues head on. Like you, I struggled with anger against my wife for months after I was out of the house. She totally ignored me and did not support my recovery. The anger? It's just not there anymore. I don't recall the change as being instantaneous but simply recognizing I've gotten past the emotion. Well anyhow, I wish you continued success. Have a GREAT (and sober) holiday weekend...John

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Mama Bear,

Yeah 50 days! I should be yelling it from the roof tops. Funny how I down play my accomplishments and dwell on the negative. At least I can see I do that now. First step in fixing those esteem problems.

Techie,
How are you doing? Thanks for confirming what I thought was a positive. Maybe my self esteem is slowly going up. What we've all been through definetly takes strong people to do. Admiting we have a problem and then facing it square in the eyes and not backing down, taking responsibility for our mistakes and trying to fix them. Not many people do that in their lives.

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Hi Sk8. Your emotions are real and valid. Just hang in there and keep on working through it. It's what we do with the anger that is most important. Especially now. Your ex did make some movement last weekend and you have already realized that the eventual outcome may not be reconciliation as you wish. But you do have visitation and that is so important in the longest run. I think you said you live at home. Are your parents very supportive and can you just fill some hours with card games or such? You are growing in leaps in bounds and recognizing it!! That is a proud feeling to hold on to!!!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Oh don't worry RC. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I'm in control of my emotions for once. Not the other way around. I may not be pleased with how I've been treated but I'm not sitting here fuming. Its almost as if once I realized I was angry a calm came over me. Theres nothing I can do about it so its not going to get to me.

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Oh Sk8, you are knowing me too well already. Worry wort and paranoid. I did not mean indicate you weren't in control. Sorry if it came out that way. We'll get there with time and patience.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

No I didn't take it that way at all. I sensed more concern. The old me would have jumped to conclusions and flew of the handle. I'm starting to get a sense of, dare I say it, liking myself again. Fridays are usually my worst day so its fitting this "change" happen to me today.

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Well done then. You have good reason to like yourself. It is definitely easier to remember to like ourselves when we are doing the right thing and moving forward. Going to have my din din now. Don't forget to jump into chat if you can. I can't from here--wish I could as I've said many times. Take care Sk8!!

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

Whoo Hoo SK8!! You are feeling real emotion without the mask of AL!! You have every right to feel angry that your ex is not acknowledging your very real and successful effort to change. You've given her the benefit of all the doubts now it's her turn. BUT, it might not happen so its also great that you were able to admit to feeling angry and then let it go. You have no control over her actions but you do over yours. Boy, you sure have come a long way in less than 2 months!! :goodjob:

As far as lonliness goes, I can only speak about my world. I've never been married or lived with anyone (excluding college and post college roommates) but I've always had pets. First cats, and now dogs and cats. I also have always worked at least 2 jobs, now 3. I know that between the jobs and the animals, I don't have time to feel lonely or wish I had someone in my life. I used to feel that way when I was drinking but knew it would never happen as long as I was. Now that I'm not drinking, I don't feel the need right now to share my life. Not sure that is normal, but it's my reality right now. I have friends, and I seek out activities that I enjoy. I guess what I'm getting at is that maybe it's time to put yourself first. You now have the time to explore things that interest you and only you and that don't require companions to enjoy. Would taking care of a pet, any kind of pet be an option for you right now? Dogs especially are great because you can skate with them, run with them, just simply hang out with them. I can't be lonely with 5 faces smiling at me and bodies wiggling when I walk through the door. Certain breeds tend to bring people with those breeds together for "playdates" and or group walks. Great way to meet people with the dog as a buffer.
If a pet isn't an option, there are Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com groups all over the country.
just put in your zip and be amazed at what is out there, especially if you live close to a big city. I know it can be very very scary to meet a group of people you don't know for the very first time. It certainly was that way for me the very first time I went to a playdate but because we all had the same interest, conversation was a breeze!! And if you don't enjoy it, you never have to go back and no harm, no foul. I guess sometimes you have to put yourself out there in order to get something in return. You've done that here with great results I'd say. Ready to try it in person?

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Papmom! Hope everything is going good. I do feel I had a breakthrough today. I hope I can hold on to this feeling. Funny I almost didn't post about my anger. I thought it was bad to feel that way. Then I realized my emotions are real for the first time in awhile. Once again it felt very good to feel and control my emotions.
I do in fact have a dog. A shiba inu. He really has been through alot with me already and is my best friend. He sleeps right next to me every night and listens to me complain with out ever judging.Dogs really are amazing animals.
I'll have to check out that site and see if anything intrests me. Thanks for the tip.

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Superb post Papmom3! I was going to ask about having pets earlier. I love my pup and kitty. It's amazing what we can learn from them and how they make us be present.

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

SK8-so glad you have a dog!! I think Shibas are an awesome breed!! Somehow I feel better, peaceful, knowing you have your buddy to cuddle up next too and that you're not totally alone. Good luck with the meetup site-hope you find something interesting. Have a great night and wake up proud of your strength tomorrow. Give that pooch a hug from me. :l

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

Ringing Cedars;870614 wrote: Superb post Papmom3! I was going to ask about having pets earlier. I love my pup and kitty. It's amazing what we can learn from them and how they make us be present.

Totally agree RC, totally agree!! If it weren't for them, I don't think I would have made it this far!!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

[QUOTE=papmom3;870608]Whoo Hoo SK8!! You are feeling real emotion without the mask of AL!! You have every right to feel angry that your ex is not acknowledging your very real and successful effort to change. You've given her the benefit of all the doubts now it's her turn. BUT, it might not happen so its also great that you were able to admit to feeling angry and then let it go. You have no control over her actions but you do over yours. Boy, you sure have come a long way in less than 2 months!! :goodjob:
QUOTE]

Rereading this just made me think. It has taken my lifetime to realize I can not control the world around me and the world can't control me. I can only control myself. And by controling myself I control my life and happiness. It sounds so simple, because it is. Maybe thats why it is often overlooked.

As for coming a long way in less than 2 months...Once I put my mind to something I don't stop until my goal is accomplished. I believe thats what teachers meant by I wasn't living up to my potential when I was in school. It is really a shame looking back at how much AL and depression robbed me of. I'm glad I'm finding it again.