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    #181
    Falling Apart

    sk8punk, I hope you get out of the house and just find something positive to do.

    I found myself in a very lonely place when I reached the end of my drinking. Even though I am married. What I am realizing is that I need to stand on my own two feet and be responsible for my own happiness and contentment. I can't just rely on my husband to make me feel connected and to be my sole source of companionship.

    So for me part of this journey has been seeking out new people, places and things in an effort to develop some new interests and especially some new friendships. The stronger and more (happily) independent I become with regard to my own contentment, the stronger my relationship with my husband becomes. The less "needy" I am for his company, the better we are.

    I thought of you today at an AA meeting. A guy who I know pretty well spoke about a conversation he had recently with his wife. (he has been sober just over a year, and things were pretty bad when he finally stopped drinking) She told him that she truly hated him by the end of his drinking. But that today, seeing the growth he has shown in sobriety and as a man, she loves him more than she did back when they first married. It was just a real message of hope and I thought of you.

    Anyway...

    I hope you make the very best of today. Today is all we know we have.

    DG
    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

    One day at a time.

    Comment

      #182
      Falling Apart

      Hey Doggygirl,

      I do find myself trying to go out more. Even if its just to go somewhere and people watch. I'm feeling more comfortable being around people. Being alone is when I think to much. I think right now I'm struggling with finding my strength to stand on my own and not rely on others for my happiness. I'll get there. Thats what I'm working on now.
      That is a great story from AA. I hope that is what's in my future. Like I've said before I just have a gut feeling this realtionship isn't over. I'm not sure where it comes from but its like a reassuring voice telling me this.
      Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

      Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
      No more bad future-Skull Skates

      Comment

        #183
        Falling Apart

        You sound like you are doing great and working on becoming the best *you* you can be. That is all any of us can do!

        I hope your relationship (in some form!) is not over not only for your sake, but also for that of your son.

        Here is to another sober day where we can grow instead of stagnate.

        DG
        Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
        Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

        One day at a time.

        Comment

          #184
          Falling Apart

          Thanks DG. I have to say today was a rough one. First holiday sober and without my girlfriend and son. I fought off lonliness and depression for the majority of the day. Didn't get as bad as I had been but I was down. I got to work on everything mentioned in DG's earlier post. Gotta learn to stand on my own and create my own happiness.
          At least its a new week and month. I feel I've been making slow progress as the weeks pass.
          Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

          Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
          No more bad future-Skull Skates

          Comment

            #185
            Falling Apart

            Hey there Sk8...even standing still for awhile is at least not going backwards. Baby steps remember? You are staying in the here and now. Great!!!!

            Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


            St. Francis of Assisi

            Comment

              #186
              Falling Apart

              Very true RC. At least I'm not going backwards. Hope you had a good day.
              Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

              Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
              No more bad future-Skull Skates

              Comment

                #187
                Falling Apart

                Had a good productive day Sk8. Didn't accomplish all I wanted to. Never seem to. Prolly the bane of most people. But it's ok. Thanks for asking!! Tomorrow is another day and we will be strong in our battles! )

                Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


                St. Francis of Assisi

                Comment

                  #188
                  Falling Apart

                  Reading Katie's post from earlier reminds me a lot of my situation. I too have been up and down over these past few weeks. I hope she pulls through this. Going to try to be positive today. That's all I can do is try. Talk to everyone later.
                  Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

                  Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
                  No more bad future-Skull Skates

                  Comment

                    #189
                    Falling Apart

                    Hey Sk8, Ringing...

                    Wow, was reading some of the advice Doggygirl gave you Sk8, She always has some super great insight into things, she a good one to have pulling for ya for sure. Its funny you mentioned Katie. You and Katie remind me so much of one another, it seems you share in alot of the same battles and both have little boys. Im pulling for both of you too!

                    Im glad to see May fade into distant memory as its always refreshing to turn the page to a new month. Now I suppose its up to me what I do with the new month right?

                    Little sad here, just a tiny bit. I had two dates with a really great guy or so I thought, and I have not heard back from him since. I think I just might be single forever. Perhaps better off??

                    Lets all just try to do our best this month, shall we???
                    I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!

                    Comment

                      #190
                      Falling Apart

                      I hope so too Sk8. It makes us feel helpless watching this unfold as I think most of us are really overly conscientious to the detriment of ourselves. I hope you are hanging on to that positivity and had a good day.

                      Hey OverIt check out the single ladies thread started by K9. )

                      Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


                      St. Francis of Assisi

                      Comment

                        #191
                        Falling Apart

                        Can't really say today was positive or negative. Kind of just there. Did send my girlfriend some pictures of my son I took along with a message asking how he was doing. And surprise....no response. The games continue. Oh well not going to let that drag me down right now. I'm doing all I can to open communication. She obviously still has issues with me to resolve.

                        Sorry to here about the dating issues Over. Don't really have any imput there. I'm so far from that point right now I feel I may be single forever too. Plus its his loss if he doesn't want to be around you.

                        RC, helpless is a good word for the situation. Just reading her posts I know exactly what she is going through. Been there myself recently. I find strength in my son. Thats what has really pulled me through those dark times.
                        Hope everyone had a good day.
                        Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

                        Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
                        No more bad future-Skull Skates

                        Comment

                          #192
                          Falling Apart

                          I've been doing some thinking. Hopefully this makes sense to someone. We all know that the sky is blue, grass is green, and drop or throw something it is going to hit the ground. These are all things we have learned and accepted as fact, can't be changed. The reason I believe I don't struggle with drinking as so many do is that I've accepted I can't even have 1 drink. It just can no longer be done. The reason I've accepted that is the results of the drinking. I lost everyone I care about, I became somone I didn't like. I had a life changing event. Some doctors call this being "shocked" out of addiction.
                          Emotionally I'm begining to accept I'm not "normal" but I'm not "weird". I'm me. My relationship is my biggest stumbling block. Because its in limbo. There is nothing to accept.

                          Hopefully this makes sense and can help someone. It could also be a result of too much caffeine... see my sense of humor is returning!
                          Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

                          Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
                          No more bad future-Skull Skates

                          Comment

                            #193
                            Falling Apart

                            Radical self acceptance Baby! You got it. I understand it. And the caffeine comment made me laugh too. Thanks for sharing Sk8. Always good to read your thoughts and see your breakthroughs.

                            Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


                            St. Francis of Assisi

                            Comment

                              #194
                              Falling Apart

                              you got it SK8!! I've read about others on this board who had that AHA moment and I've wondered if I will get it. So glad you got it early on. What a relief it must be to know you don't have to deal with wondering if you can moderate or not. :goodjob:
                              New Birthday: May 8, 2010

                              "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

                              KO the Beast!!

                              Comment

                                #195
                                Falling Apart

                                Hey Sk8,

                                You are lucky in the regards that you were able to "flip the switch" with your drinking like you did. I so wish I could do that. Drinking has cost me PLENTY, relationships as well, but I still look at the poison as something attractive. Its so messed up. It does not help that I work at a place, around rich people drinking, makes it seem to attractive and not the ugliness it should.

                                Im working on it though. Sorry this was not meant to be about me, just wanted to say you are very blessed to have been able to beat the alcohol monster. So many of us still trying to find our way out!
                                I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!

                                Comment

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