Falling Apart

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

Hey SK8- you're getting there kiddo, step by step. I know it's hard and we're all guilty of living in the "What If" world. I think once you come to terms with the fact that you can't change your ex or the situation with your son right now, you'll feel a lot more peaceful and be able to really enjoy the time you do spend with him. I know, we always want more of the good stuff in life. Just keep working on you and the rest will fall into place, with or without her. What you do know is that you will always have your son in your life. Just keep doing the right thing and try not to worry so much about her reactions or lack thereof. You can't control or change her behavior. She has to work on her own issues regarding the relationship between you two. You are both only human and mistakes will and have been made. I'm glad you've forgiven yourself for yours. That's what is important because YOU are the most important person in your life even if you can't totally believe that right now.
Keep on skating bud!!
:l :l

[sk8punk]

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Hey Papmom, great post. You are so right. I'm getting there. One of the hardest things to deal with right now is my broken heart. That takes a lot out of me.
Its funny in recovery we take our lives back. But the things we can't control are usually the most important to us.

[OverIt2007]

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Sk8,

Here is a little story for you. It was told to me in a different way, but I am changing it, so this really is my story

A man was at an art gallery and standing very close to a painting. As he was looking at the painting he thought that it made no sense whatso ever. The colors, the lines, just had no sense and he was very confused by it all. Another man came along and said "friend, you are standing way to close to the painting" So the man took several steps back and then looked again at the painting. Now it made perfect sense and it was beautifully created.

Sometimes that is how life is. We see pieces of the painting but we do not understand how it fits or how it makes sense. There comes a time though, when you are able to step back, take another good long look at it, and suddenly it makes perfect sense.

Your beautiful painting will make perfect sense someday, and hopefully very soon.

Your friend,

Lisa

[sk8punk]

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Wow a couple of great posts Over and Papmom. Very inspirational and appriciated. Thanks to everyone here I am making positive steps everyday. Today I feel really good. My counsuler said I've made amazing progress in 7 weeks. It's time to live in the now. I've spent to much of my life in the past, let the past dictate how I live. Not anymore. I got to get busy living. Life is really to short to not enjoy everyday I wake up sober. Being hungover was like being a zombie. Just stumbling through life looking for my next excuse to drink. So Overit I think I may have taken a few steps away from that painting today. Still can't tell wwhat it is but it looks a little better.

Thought I'd share something from someone I admire. This was written by Duane Peters today. Duane is the original skatepunk from the 70's/80's he turns 49 soon and is still going strong skating. He battled addiction for most of his life but here's what he wrote:

Good Mornin Earth, June 3 2010,Still Breathen ? Cool,me to.Politics are a fuckin drag and somedays I just cant even look at whats going on,its to much.The mainstream is panic,Doom,Run for cover,sell yer shit and Go! Independant news is.. “were being fucked ! yer being Fucked ! were all fucked cause nobody is wakeing up! what are we gonna do ? 2012 ? Fema camps ? polarshift is comming,Oil Chrisis, Obama’s the anti-Christ ! who and what the Fuck is gonna save us ? FUCKING PACK NOW ! Holy Fuck me !

I,m gonna Just have a good cup a mud personaly,Light my Smoke, and today I aint lookin, Cause Frankly,Today is my own “I don’t give a damn day” I,m stoked to be on the planet,I,m slowly pounding out all my legal shit one case at a time and moving forward,I,m gonna drive my ass up to LA and walk my youngest son to school and its gonna be a well worth it Run.I aint had a drink or drug in my body for Seven months and avoiding the nuthouse for the most part of this last crash landing to yer planet ,just like that guy the woke up at the tree,is it Rumplestillskin ? whatever, it aint the first time but I really look at it like the last cause today is all I got and I,m really diggin on the staying in the moment theory of life right here right now.

ViCTIM shit Aint for me today,More than had my fill ! if I can just stay in that fucking moment ! I,m really tired of doom.My last three years of my life have been the hardest full of fucking doom I,ve have ever known and I aint gonna go there cause I got my reasons right now,but I am into action and i felt I’d Share my change with ya’s this morning, I,m in a constant Roll and its a slow one. Its allright cause I aint allright ! I,m only here cause I,m not all there Kinda shit,yet i,m moving on just like the rest of you earthlings,As they say its never to late !

So what am i gonna do ? I,m gonna move forward today and try to do something nice for somebody else,say hey to my neighbor and enjoy every fucking breath i get because no matter how fucked up everything out there tells me it is ? its only as fucked up as I want to believe it is ! I’ve had it Much better and I,ve had it much worse ! We all have, so I just wanted to throw out a little Possy-Traction on the Subject of Ever lasteing Change ! Its ineveitable,Im a PackRat from hell and its a good day to let go of alot of my old shit and get some new shit Because its not really none of My shit in the end, its just what we do with the shit and hopefully we all give a shit because we gotta leave this shit for the kids who didnt ask for any of it !


keep on truckin & I hope you all have a really rad day !
T.C.B.

Sorry about the language but thats who he is. Hope everyone had a great sober day.

[Ringing Cedars]

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This 50 year old totally gets that 49 year old. That's what I'm talkin about!!
Thanks for posting Sk8. You rock!

[OverIt2007]

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Wow... That reminds me a bit of some of Henry Rollins work. Henry Rollins has written several books of poetry, anger spewing art! Im actually a BIG fan of Henry Rollins, love his music, his books, his poety, and have saw him both in concert, and his spoken word tours.

I get a feeling Sk8 might like Henry Rollins too? Im currently looking over at my book shelf at a copy of "Eye Scream" written by H.R.

[sk8punk]

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Hey RC! How are you? Saw in another post you were feelin down. Hope everything is alright. Yeah Duane is one of a kind. Had dinner with him a couple of times. Always has some crazy story.

[OverIt2007]

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did you miss my post, LOL!

[sk8punk]

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Looks like we posted at the same time! Had a couple of friends in high school that were very into Henry Rollins. I like his stuff with SOA and Black Flag. Read a couple of stories about being on tour that were cool. Never saw him live though.

[Ringing Cedars]

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Thanks for asking Sk8. I am under fire right now, but I am strong. Really sorry that I don't /can't elaborate. With you in spirit...and you do have a good spirit...again IMHO...

[sk8punk]

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Sorry to hear that. I know you're strong. You'll get through this. I'm here if you need anything.

[sk8punk]

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Good morning everyone. Going try to live today for today. Fridays have always been the hardest day for me for multiple reasons. Just need to focus on what I have not what I don't .
Hope everyone has a great day. Talk to ya later.

[Doggygirl]

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Living in today is a great topic for me too. You mention that you tend to dwell in the past. I was the opposite - tending to worry to the extreme over the future. I would have future scenarios all worked up in my mind, and then get mad about them! And drink over them! And it was all stuff that hadn't even happened! (and for the most part, stuff that never eventually happened either!)

That was such a waste of good energy just like dwelling too much in the past is. I am so much happier and content as a person as I become more successful at staying in today. I hope that is your experience too! Have a great Friday. Let's all make the most of it!

DG

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Doggygirl, the more I can stay in the present the happier I feel. I used to worry about the future when I drank too. Always waiting for something bad to happen. I would always let things that happen to me in the past effect my present.
Staying in the now can be hard to do. I have to stop my mind from wondering back there.

[Doggygirl]

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Staying in the now is sometimes hard for me too. At least I am more aware of it now! When I find myself feeling uptight or stressed, I can often take a step back and realize I have slipped off into another time zone LOL! My gratitude list and the serenity prayer are tools that really help me stay grounded when my mind wants to wander someplace that is not good for me.

DG