Falling Apart

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Over and RC. Had a great day with my son. Rained all day but we had fun inside. Took and nap thrn played some more. I'm always laughing or amazed at something he does or says. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. I'm very grateful that I turned my life around so I can really enjoy my time with him.
At this point in my recovery I am taking the time to really enjoy life and the little things it offers. I know now the most important thing I can be is the best dad I can for my son. I'm really trying to be that.
Its a shame that I wasted so much time when I was drinking. Never again. That is one thing I've vowed to myself. I'm still very sorry this had to happen but if it didn't I don't think I would've stopped drinking. Life is to short to not get the most out of every moment you can.
Unfortunatly my sons mom has not changed since our talk last week. I text het 2 times while with my son to let her know everything was ok. I didn't have to do this but I think its the right thing to do. I never got a response. Oh well I can only do what I feel is the right thing. I can only be me. I kinda think she doesn't know what to think of this new me. Well not new, I was like this when we met until my drinking took over. Maybe she just thinks I'm being like this to get her back. I'm not this is me.
Well hope everyone else had a great Saturday. Talk to you all soon.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Hey Sk8, Glad you had a great time with your boy. I also had a wonderful day with my son, we had a full blown adventure, but only downfall was Mom got lost for a while in Tampa. Its all good, we are home safe and sound

Please dont rack your brain too much trying to figure out where HER head is at. That crap can drive a person crazy. I used to be that way. I used to be insanely jealous in relationships, rather a control freak, and always assuming the worst. With age, I have realized, you know, people are going to do whatever it is they are going to do. I cannot control them! Although I am not in a relationship at the moment, I have had to learn with time, just let people do what they are going to do. I know this may not pertain exactly to YOUR relationship, im just sharing my experience but it kind of relates to yours a little I think (?)

And you know whats funny? Sometimes when you give a person all the freedom in the world, its amazing how in many cases they start thinking gee maybe "I was Wrong"

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Glad you made it home alright. I hate getting lost. I tend to freak out. LOL. I'm not sure what I'd do now though.
You and I seem a lot alike in that relationship aspect. I can now say I was a jealous person that was always expecting the worst to happen. I've talked about this in counsuling. That is just another side to low self esteem. We don't think we deserve to be happy or with the person. I always seem to start out strong and this would rear its ugly head. This last time I tried to drink it away. Counsuling is really helping me. Seems once I realize the problem and deal with it I can beat it. Or at least realize what I'm feeling.

As for racking my brain trying to figure her out. I don't think I'll ever know. I really don't worry about it all that much. Its more like that one part of the puzzle I can't find. Like we said last night if its meant to be it will happen.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Sk8, It is entirely possible SHE does not know where her head is at. She may be on a journey trying to figure it out all as well! In fact, that is most likely the case!

Think about it. Your on a journey of self discovery and probably she is to. She may not have had time to discover herself if she has other kids, perhaps much of her life has been tied up in Mommy time and no Me time ?

I know this scenaro could mean it could take ALOT of time for her, and you to figure it out, but it might open your eyes to where her head could be at. She could be just very confused and needing some time to herself to figure out her own life. VERY possible.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

That is exactly the case Over. I do know its going to take time. I'm more than willing to give her that time. I hope no one is misinturpting that I want things back right now. Honestly I don't believe I'm at that point myself. I've made progess but there is still confussion I need to work through.
You're awsome Over! I really appriciate your help through my journey.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Oh Gee, your welcome

I just know that my life has been full of confusion. Life is just plain old confusing sometimes, and sometimes you need space. Boy, did I get my space, LOL. I've been single now for what 15 years or so? I would say I got my space and then some! Its all good, its just part of the journey, I suppose

Whats that saying? Enjoy the journey, not the destination.. And what else.. OH, what does not kill us, only makes us stronger. Both true..

Have a good night Sk8, my son is bugging me to hang out on the couch for a while.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Have a good one. Talk to you later.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good morning everyone. Another rainy day here. I'm still going to try to get out and do something. Feel a little down, but I now know everyday isn't going to be great. I miss my son. That's why I'm down. Hope you all have a great day. Stay sober friends. Its easier that way.

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Hey Sk8. Just checking in. Raining all day here too, but the sun has come out finally. Catching up on laundry and other domestic things. blaahhh
Can't remember how old your son is. 3? The best times in my life were with my kids especially at that young age where they are such learning machines and the joy they feel in their accomplishments.
I'm going to share one the funniest moments when my son had just turned three. We had a party for him and he was really enthralled with the balloon making process. Funny how kids minds work. Anyways the next morning he scrambles into our bed and notices daddy's morning um how shall I say--well ok I'll just say it--erection. He looks at daddy with such suprise and admiration and says: You blow it up daddy? Well did we have to stifle our amusement or what and of course moved the conversation along. Thankfully he didn't persist. He was just happy to see the wonderful thing dad could do... It still cracks me up to recall that precious moment out of the mouths of babes.
Anyway glad you are enjoying your son so much. It will get better and better with him. I think you have to keep the attitude about your ex just as you are. It will really be the only hope of reconnecting on the level you wish. If not, I'm sure you will have a great relationship for your son's sake at the very least. Smooth sailing one day at time friend. )

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey RC, great story! Nearly spit water on the keyboard while reading it. My son is going to be 2 at the end of July. I doubt things will be worked out by then so I'll probably not get to go to his birthday party. That does suck but thats how his mom is choosing to handle things right now.
Today's been kind of a bummer. Just down about my current situation. Lonely again. Not as bad as it was before. I know everyday's not going to be great. Still no fun to feel like this.
I am keeping the attitude I have toward my ex. I think we all can agree thats the best way to go. I'm just being me. I'm not going out of my way to make a effort.

[KatieB]

Falling Apart

Ringing Cedars;879251 wrote: Hey Sk8. Just checking in. Raining all day here too, but the sun has come out finally. Catching up on laundry and other domestic things. blaahhh
Can't remember how old your son is. 3? The best times in my life were with my kids especially at that young age where they are such learning machines and the joy they feel in their accomplishments.
I'm going to share one the funniest moments when my son had just turned three. We had a party for him and he was really enthralled with the balloon making process. Funny how kids minds work. Anyways the next morning he scrambles into our bed and notices daddy's morning um how shall I say--well ok I'll just say it--erection. He looks at daddy with such suprise and admiration and says: You blow it up daddy? Well did we have to stifle our amusement or what and of course moved the conversation along. Thankfully he didn't persist. He was just happy to see the wonderful thing dad could do... It still cracks me up to recall that precious moment out of the mouths of babes.
Anyway glad you are enjoying your son so much. It will get better and better with him. I think you have to keep the attitude about your ex just as you are. It will really be the only hope of reconnecting on the level you wish. If not, I'm sure you will have a great relationship for your son's sake at the very least. Smooth sailing one day at time friend. )

:H:H:H

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Yeah it was hilarious. Really hard to not laugh and even harder to just keep a straight face! He was prolly two when I had just bathed him--had him all dressed--then running the bath for my two girls. While I was running it had gone to their rooms to gather clothes -- came back and the little bugger had climbed back in - clothes and all - splashing about - having a grand ole time. Just looked up at me with a great big grin like nothing out of the ordinary here when I walked in. It was just too cute to scold him and I ran for the video camera. I figured heck let him stay in for a bit more and capture the moment for life. Of course I gave him a little lecture about not doing it again and did comply in the future. )
So I don't know if you have read this part of my story or not but I haven't had any positive contact with my 3 for several years now and my son --the youngest--for at least 5 years now. For very different reasons than you are going through but excruciatingly painful. It has taken me several years to mourn the loss and to the detriment of my health many times when I self medicated with alcohol. It may very well be a closed book now and I have to suck that up without using alcohol the way I was going.
You know you can also throw your son a birthday party. Not a pissing contest with the other family but a fun celebration with your family and some friends perhaps. He will be a lucky boy to have 2 parties. And do have lots of balloons. ;o)

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Another great story. I hope someday I can share similar stories. One funny thing my son does do is bust in when I'm in the bathroom peeing. He'll just stand there and stare. Almost like he's thinking "is that what that's for". Guess that's how you learn.
Sorry to hear that part of your story. Didn't know that. It has to be hard. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for RC.
I think my family does plan on giving him his own party. Just waiting to see how things go down since it is awhile off. A lot can happen in that time. But to be honest with you, and it could just be my mood today, i'd be surpised if things were any diffrent then.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Truth be told I had a pretty rough Sunday. Woke up feeling down. Had to much time to myself and that means too much time to think. Sundays were always a bad binge day when I drank. And most likely the day I would start a stupid argument with my girlfriend. I think I'm just in one of those moods without the drink today.
I do love and miss my girlfriend and son more than any word can describe. I do feel that I screwed my life up because of alcohol. I can't help but think of all the little things I'm missing of my son growing up. I'm not there for him when he may need me. I'm not there if he wakes up in the middle of the night. Just things like that. I really want to be the best father I can be. But with so little time I see him there is only so much I can do. I have no idea how he is during the week due to lack of communication.
I know I've been through this before. Today may have been bad but tomorrow doesn't have to be. I just felt I should document this. Usually I feel better after getting these things out of my system.
Hope everyone else had a better Sunday. Here's to a better tomorrow.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Thought i'd end the night on a positive note and share what I've decided to get my girlfriend for her birthday. I did find a necklace to get. But I've been taking pictures of my son every week I've had him. I thought I would print all these out and make a photo book of him for her. She's not going to expect that from me. But honestly I'm still getting to know the new me myself. Let me know what you think.