Falling Apart

[Cinders]

Falling Apart

Sk8,

I love this thread. Your first post on it was so despondent, I was very concerned for your continued sobriety.

Keeping sober will only make what you are going through with the ex and your beautiful son better, not worse. I am glad you see it and understand it.

Cindi

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Thank God for every NEW day, huh??? Good to see you in positive spirits today. I woke up feeling great, went for a run with my dog, and feeling Positive! Lets try to continue the positive energy, or at least try to stay optomistic!!

Catch ya later Sk8!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Cinders. To be honest at the begining thinks were bleak. Not only with sobrity but even with just trying to go on. I'm glad I was able to pull my self out of that tail spin. Some days are still a struggle but I do have a better outlook now. I'm enjoying my sobrity.

Good morning Over. Yes thank god for new days. I'm in a little better mood today. I agree with trying to keep the optimistic outlook.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well today wasn't to bad. Felt frustrated/angry at my relationship like I did a few weeks ago. Don't worry this isn't a bad thing. My counsuler told me its my self esteem coming up and I don't think I deserve to be treated the way I am. Let me explain what happened.

I work at a warehouse that ships dvd's (I know its as glamourous as it sounds!) in the receiving department. I noticed there is a new Yo Gabba Gabba dvd coming out next week. My son loved Yo Gabba Gabba. Just to make sure he still does I text my ex asking if he still likes the show. No response. I let 3 or 4 hours go by still no response. This was the straw that broke the camels back. I don't care how busy you are. How long does it take to text yes or no back? Maybe a second or two.

Fed up I sent this text to her. "Maybe you hate me or have moved on. Fine. But I am doing everything I can to be a better person and clear up this wreckage I have caused. For the first time in my life I'm not taking the easy way out. I could've stayed a drunk asshole. But I didn't. I want to be better than that. I want to be a good father. I don't even know what he likes anymore because you choose to shut me out. I know this is all my fault. I live with that everyday. You could at least try to make my recovery a little easier by letting me know about him. I know you're busy. But I can't and won't walk away from this."

At first I thought it sounded mean. But looking at it again. It's not and wasn't meant to be. I am just pointing out my feelings. Of course I didn't get a response to this either. Didn't expect one. But I do feel a little better for having said my piece finally.

[KateH1]

Falling Apart

Sk8, it is great that you have 60 Days AF. I know that you are probably experiencing a lot of feelings that you used to numb out with alcohol. This early time of sobriety can be a bit tough due to emotions and feelings being all over the place! If I could give you something to think about it would be PATIENCE. We cannot RAM our New Found Sobriety down other peoples throats! I would ask yourself what you hoped to gain by sending this text? Do you think that the outcome that you desired was what you actually got? How long did your ex deal with your drinking? Do you really think that she can really trust that after 60 days, you are a whole new you? Read the part about her making "Your Recovery" a little easier????? Hmmmmm, this sounds like blame. Your recovery is Not Her Job. This is not a judgement, just some food for thought. Give her some time to actually Experience the New You. To begin to trust that you are and will remain all that you are talking about. This can take a while. Be Patient, understanding and above all things, calm. You don't want to allienate her more!

Keep going, you will get there!

Kate

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

You are right Kate. I do need to have more patience. I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish other than venting. Being ignored for such a small question just got under my skin. I am new to this so I'm bound to stumble from time to time.

[wannachange]

Falling Apart

wow sk8, I don't think we met before, I am going through the same as you and sent similar texts to my wife asking her about my son whom I have not seen or anything from in 5 months, I have not read your full story so I don't know how long you have been suffering but I can certainly relate.
Chin up, there are a few of us fathers here in the same boat, the first is to get the AL out of the picture, then the necessary help and then take it from there.
What Kate said rings 100% true as she needs to see the new man you have become and slowly regain that trust, your text was ok, I sent a few similar texts and got no response so don't worry, you are not alone and there is no magic word, only hard work on ourselves and then work on the rest.
Well done on 60 days too!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Nice to meet you Wanna. Sorry to hear we're going through similar situations. I'm still doing all the work on myself. Frustration just got the better of me today.

[KateH1]

Falling Apart

Sk8, you are learning and I admire your openess so much! I am happy that you and wannachange have met, you are both such remarkable young men, you are both making such huge changes and working so hard for a better future for you and your boys. You will get where you want to be....now that you are both living sober, time and the changes you are making will make all the difference!

xo Kate

[patrice]

Falling Apart

Wow wanna and Sk8,
I can understand how frustrating it must be to want to have contact with your son and not be able to. I am in an opposite situation.. my partner walked out one day after complaining for a long time about my drinking. He never came back and in fact left the country.. I have been trying and trying for 8 months for him to have contact with our 4 and half yr old son, emailed, phoned, text... I have begged him to just call us once a week so he can talk with out son. He has done so once, now my son seems to be forgetting him. But I have tried so hard to allow and encourage access, dialogue but my ex partner is just not interested it seems

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

That must be hard Patrice. I'm lucky I do get to see my son on saturdays. I can't imagine not ever wanting to be in his life. He's the best thing to happen to me. It is frustrating because I miss and worry about him during the week. His mom is a great mom. But I still worry.

[wannachange]

Falling Apart

My drinking resulted in me leaving our family home, I was having regular contact with my son who is 3, for a few weeks after that, no problems at all, then I done something stupid, I arrived drunk during one of my visits, since then I have not been able to see him. I'll get there, it will be a long process and any future access will be supervised, but that's what happens but in time that too will change, I regret it totally but nothing AL can do to help. Thanks for the comment Kate, it means a lot, Patrice I agree it must be hard, I too cannot imagine not wanting to be part of my sons life, sk8 keep it up, you are doing great!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

I too had to leave home due to drinking. Luckily for me that very next day I said I was done with drinking and haven't looked back. Alcohol has damaged my life enough. Wish I could've done it earlier. But thats the past now. I can only learn from that.
You'll get there Wanna. You have the desire to be there for your son. Use that as your strength to not drink.

[patrice]

Falling Apart

My partner left the town and the country because of my drinking too and I wished I had stopped drinking the next day but I didnt, I carried on and on, making excuses all along, I was lonely or I was bored or I was getting over the relationship breakup or that it was so hot or that there is nothing else to do here but drink or that I deserved it. But no more, today is Day 1 and Im positive, going to put on some loud music, have some healthy food, then go and pick up the little one from school and maybe go swimming with him, yah cos Im on holiday

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good for you Patrice! I used to use any reason to drink myself. As time goes on you'll wonder why you ever used to drink. You do start to emerge a stronger person from this. May seem hard to believe now but its true.