Falling Apart

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

I don't mind at all Wanna. I'm sure we can help each other out. Thats great news. Hopefully he can help work things out between you and your family. I highly recommend going to someone about the alcohol issues. I started counsuling a week after I had to leave. I maybe rare in that sense. I knew I had problems. Knew it for a while actually. But I hit rock bottom that night and it was either get help and change or stay the same and destroy my life completly. I'm very happy with the choice I made.

Over, I'm on antidepressents, Paxil to be exact. I was in cousuling for a month before she diagnoised me with social anxiety and Dysthymia. Dysthymia is a chronic mood disorder that fall into the depression spectrum. It's long lasting. Through counsuling its believed that I've had this since 12 or 13. Long time huh? Just thought everyone handled things better than me. It's basically a chemical imbalance. Anytime I would sense or just think things were going bad I would fall back into this depression. Drinking was how I self medicated myself. Which as you can imagine being depressed and consuming large amounts of a depressent made things completly worse. Resulting in what happened that night. What I believed to be reality and what actually was reality were two seperate things. Thats how bad drinking distorted my reality.
But I'm 63 days from that now. I feel great and still getting all the help I can. After the doctor's and the DMV I went and got the necklace I saw for her. Picked up cards from my son and me. Got wrapping paper and gift bag. And got the photo book to make the photo book of pictures of my son for her. I may even get artistic with the cover of the book.
Well I talk to you all later. Got counsuling later today.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Waiting to see mt counsuler now. I've had a busy day. A lot of running around but I kinda liked it. I did get artistic with the cover and spine of the photo book. Came out good. That's the first time I've sat down and drawn in awhile. Hopefully she'll like it.

[wannachange]

Falling Apart

I always feel good when I leave my councillor, whenever I call her I can't get off the phone to her, she's amazing. Yeah got a bit of that chemical imbalance running around in me too sk8, looking forward to getting it fixed as I doubt depression is the cause of it all for me. I bought a scrapbook today, gonna jot down all my thoughts on it and see what I come up with in a while. Good luck and have a lovely day.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

I wish I would have gone to a counsuler long ago. But then again I didn't think anything was wrong with me then. LOL. Look into the chemical imbalance Wanna. I feel way better since I've been taking the meds. More balanced. I guess this is what "normal" people feel like. Funny when I was drinking after the first 2 or 3 I always thought to myself "this must be what other people feel like all the time." Actually thats kind of sad now that I think about it. Good idea with the scrapbook. Thats kind of what I'm doing here.
My session went really good. She agrees I should cut communication for a couple of weeks to see what happens. She was also glad I was feeling frustrated, angry and disappointed with my girlfriend. She said that those feeling were normal and should be expected when in a situation like this. Just part of the process.

Started printing the pictures out for the photobook. I'm happy with it. First time I've done something like this. And yes I'm sneaking in a few pictures of me and him like my avatar. She going to see my face somehow. LOL.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Yes, I agree she might be surprised to see you got her a present, but its definately a good thing that may catch her off guard, but what woman does not like surprises and presents?? We love that kind of stuff! The picture book that you have made is sure to be something very special to her as well. Good idea of sneaking in a few pics, LOL! Thats right, look me in the eye (of this picture!) Im sure she wont know what to think, but I bet it will definately give her something to THINK about!

Im glad you are getting the medical and professional help you need as well. Is this the first time you have ever sought out couceling and have taken meds? I cant imagine how life would be to go through undiagnosed and without help! Im glad you are getting it now!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Oh it'll catch her off guard. Wouldn't be surprised if her first reaction is anger. The more I was working on the art for the book I realized I was also doing it for my son. Sort of like see what daddy can do? I'm sure he'll appriciate it when he gets older. Plus if things don't work out he'll see I really do love his mom. I went through all the trouble (actually no trouble at all I'm enjoing being creative again.) to do something truly heartfelt. No matter what she says or thinks about me.

This is the first time I sought help and taken meds. Been on meds for 3 weeks now. Life pretty much sucked! LOL. No it wasn't all that bad. I thought everyone felt the same way I did but handled things better. I just thought I was shy. I mean I functioned well enough in society. Just was very angry. Had a either your with me or against me type of attitude. Oddly enough three quarter of people with Dysthymia become alcoholics or drug addicts.
When I was down I wasn't very easy to live with. Didn't feel like doing anything. Was basically miserable. Thats how I was from December until April of this year. Well now I'm getting help so all that is behind me.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Sk8, Is your girlfriend completely aware of your diagnosis that you have a medical condition called Dysthymia? I mean this is pretty serious stuff and it would certainly explain your behavior in the past. Its not really your fault the way you were acting. I mean it was to a certain extent, but not all due to your condition. Im just curious if she is fully aware of everything that has happened and where you are now?

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

I did email her to tell her when I was diagnoised and again when I was put on Paxil. Don't know if she believes it or not. Not sure what kind of person makes that stuff up. As for where I am now. Same deal. I used to email her once a week to let her know what was going on with me. Never responded to any of it.

[techie]

Falling Apart

I think many of our significant others were very traumatized by our alcoholic behavior. I think this new healthier way we are living and communicating is a big adjustment for them and will take time to be accepted. It's king of like getting to know the person again with the associated trust issues, etc. At this point since my wife and I are still incommunicado, I'll continue to work on ME before I can think of WE!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

You are right Techie. I never expected her to be like oh was that what's wrong with you. Its big adjustments for everyone involved. Its going to take time for each of us to get to that point. I can hoonestly say that I am happy with where I am now. I'm getting to know the real me for the first time in a long time. Time will tell if she wants to know me. Patience.

[KateH1]

Falling Apart

sk8punk;883767 wrote: You are right Techie. I never expected her to be like oh was that what's wrong with you. Its big adjustments for everyone involved. Its going to take time for each of us to get to that point. I can hoonestly say that I am happy with where I am now. I'm getting to know the real me for the first time in a long time. Time will tell if she wants to know me. Patience.

Excellent!! You and Wanna are both making huge progress!!!

Best Wishes!
Kate:l

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good morning eveyone. Hope everyone is doing good. I've had a good couple of days. Going to try to keep that going today. ODAT. Talk to everyone later.

[Guitarista]

Falling Apart

Have a positive day Bud.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Thanks Guitarista. Over I get what you are saying about does my girlfriend know. You would think she would be a little understanding when it comes to our son. Who knows. When she's ready i m sure she'll let me know.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

I know my friend. It sucks to not know where other peoples heads are at, it just leaves us guessing. I highly doubt her head is in any better of a place than yours. I mean I doubt she is worry free and happy! I bet she is struggling too, but just in a different way than you are. I hope you both find peace. Its very possible you are at a very much more peaceful, place than she is. Perhaps as you get more and more time behind you, you will feel a sense of being sorry for her. Perhaps you do already.


I changed my Avatar and my signature. Last night when I thought about drinking, I started thinking about my morning, and how I wanted to enjoy my day today. My favorite time without a hangover is early morning, when i can watch the sunrise. If you get a hangover free sunrise, then chances are, you will have a pretty good day!!!

Stay positive and catch you later Sk8. Any plans for the weekend???