Falling Apart

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Hello guys!

Yeah, whats been up with this site anyways? I had a scary thought about what would happen if this site disappeared for good. I really would miss you all so much! Ok, we dont need any more anxiety here, LOL!!

Sk8, she probably just wants to talk to you, dont you think? Maybe its her time to reach out hopefully!

Hey Wanna and K-9. Hope all is well in your world too. I got out of work early and was excited to pick up my son, but he was having so much fun he did not want to be bothered with Mom, so I agreed to pick him up later. I actually have some free time to myself. Huh? Whats that?

[KateH1]

Falling Apart

SK8, I have a question, you may as always choose to answer or not answer. But, I read that after your GF recieved your gifts she remarked that she has no money for gifts. Now today she was short with you when you asked if your son needs anything. Do you pay monthly child support? So many women, not only have the 24/7 responsibility of raising children, but also the majority of financial responsibility. I have heard of men paying only 100-200 a month for one child. This amount comes nowhere near the monthly costs of raising a child. Shoot! $200 would barely pay for a week of day care, let alone food, shelter, clothing and medical care. I think a lot of times, single mothers get a bit upset when the non-custodial father offers to buy "gifts" or a few "needed" things instead of actually "supporting" their child.

Just some food for thought here. I know you are doing great with your sobriety, over 2 months now, you are off to such a great start to living a sober life!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hi Kate,

I don't hide anything here. So I'll answer your question. Don't worry I'm not upset with the question at all. Its a legitimate one.

I give her $375 dollars a month as well as still pay cable ($140) and the phone/internet ($70). My son doesn't go to daycare since she does hair out of the house. So I do try to help as much as I financially can. When I asked if he needed anything it would be on top of this. Trust me I don't make alot of money, around 675 every two weeks. It varies during the year, summer being less hours. Plus it costs me 35 dollars a week (not including gas) just to get to work since I now have to take the turnpike. I think I'm being as fair as I can. No none of this is court ordered. I did all of this on my own without her ever having to ask.
And she was short with me from the get go not just after that question. Oh and my parents regularly buy diapers and food for him. They've done that since he was born and I asked them to continue.

[KateH1]

Falling Apart

SK8, Thank you for being so straight foward. It sounds like you are very generous in supporting your son and your ex! I really commend you for this, seriously! And, the fact that you do this without a court order, truly speaks to your character!

Have you thought about going back to school? Some sort of technical school perhaps. You are definitely intelligent and hard working! I wish you so much happiness and success!

XO Kate

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Over,

Guess you missed my post this time.LOL. See the post above yours for the story. Not exactly time to reach out yet. Wasn't negative but wasn't positive. Like RC said baby steps. I'm actually feeling better now that the call is over. Guess I was just having anxiety attacks about making it. And she may have been feeling the same expecting my call.

OverIt2007;893857 wrote: Hello guys!

Yeah, whats been up with this site anyways? I had a scary thought about what would happen if this site disappeared for good. I really would miss you all so much! Ok, we dont need any more anxiety here, LOL!!

Sk8, she probably just wants to talk to you, dont you think? Maybe its her time to reach out hopefully!

Hey Wanna and K-9. Hope all is well in your world too. I got out of work early and was excited to pick up my son, but he was having so much fun he did not want to be bothered with Mom, so I agreed to pick him up later. I actually have some free time to myself. Huh? Whats that?

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Yeah, I did miss your post this time! Perhaps another time will be better.

I would like to commend you for making your child support payments. I am one of those single Moms who has fell through the legal cracks and therefore the father of my child has luckily skated out of this country and has no legal obligation what so ever. I was left holding the bag so to speak, and since he has fled to Japan, all obligations to him in the legal system were dropped. Everything has fell on my shoulders since day 1. Yes, this makes things a bit more difficult, but I would never change the circumstances in which my son came into this world because although they were a little bizarre, the outcome is that I have the son I never knew I wanted, but have come to realize that is what all I ever wanted. So if Mom has to pull overtime or whatever, so be it. Im the lucky one who gets my boy all to myself and has no regrets whatsoever. I wonder what my sons fathers will wonder about when he thinks about the son he never knew?

I have respect for the Dads who actually own up on the child support and realize that being a two way street, they have obligations to the children they fathered.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

KateH1;893868 wrote: SK8, Thank you for being so straight foward. It sounds like you are very generous in supporting your son and your ex! I really commend you for this, seriously! And, the fact that you do this without a court order, truly speaks to your character!

Have you thought about going back to school? Some sort of technical school perhaps. You are definitely intelligent and hard working! I wish you so much happiness and success!

XO Kate

No problem Kate. Thats how I am now. Nothing to hide. I was always curious if I was doing enough.

I've never really been into school. I do have an application in for a new job. Just waiting for them to post the job first. Hopefully in July.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

LOL, dont miss my post this time... We are playing tag posts.. Your it!!

[KateH1]

Falling Apart

Good Luck with the new job SK8!

OverIt, you sound like such a great mom! I am so happy that you have found your sobriety! Much happiness and success to you too!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

OverIt2007;893874 wrote: Yeah, I did miss your post this time! Perhaps another time will be better.

I would like to commend you for making your child support payments. I am one of those single Moms who has fell through the legal cracks and therefore the father of my child has luckily skated out of this country and has no legal obligation what so ever. I was left holding the bag so to speak, and since he has fled to Japan, all obligations to him in the legal system were dropped. Everything has fell on my shoulders since day 1. Yes, this makes things a bit more difficult, but I would never change the circumstances in which my son came into this world because although they were a little bizarre, the outcome is that I have the son I never knew I wanted, but have come to realize that is what all I ever wanted. So if Mom has to pull overtime or whatever, so be it. Im the lucky one who gets my boy all to myself and has no regrets whatsoever. I wonder what my sons fathers will wonder about when he thinks about the son he never knew?

I have respect for the Dads who actually own up on the child support and realize that being a two way street, they have obligations to the children they fathered.

Good for you Over! I can tell you are a great mom. I'm sure your sons father will regret not knowing his son one day. But by then its to late. But like you said you're reaping all the benifits.

My situtation is a little different. I caused all this. And neither of us wanted this to happen (yes she has said that to me, just adds to my confusion). I really wanted a son. Thats why we decided to try to have one. I think right now she's still very mad at me for how difficult I've made her already hectic life. Funny I've never denied this is all my fault but she doesn't seem to want to hear that. Really who says to themselves I want to be depressed and a alcoholic? That was meant to be a little joke in the middle of a very serious post. I've said I wrecked my own life, lost everything. But I've done the same to her. She just needs time to get to the point I'm at. And hopefully she'll see things the same way I do.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Thank you for saying that Sk8 and also Thank you Kate for saying that! I hope I get to know you better in the future, you seem like one of the main forces on here and a good one at that, I think.

Sk8, sometimes I actually think.. Ok believe it or not, that I have things so much easier. Yes, the financial burdens are there, but we make it. I dont know how but I make it every month. Im almost happy in alot of ways that I got my son and I dont have to deal with the bullshit of having the Dad around that we would probably be fighting and arguing over my son. My son is all mine. So in a way, im almost glad to be a single Mom. Im sure that surprises some huh?? And I live with no regrets about anything. Im sure HE does.

Your girl is going to come around... shes just taking her time and trying to get her head together. I know it wont be that long until you post about a breakthrough with her and I will be very very happy for you when that day comes

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

You're welcome Over. And you're right in some ways it is easier. I'm doing everything I possibly can to support and be there for my son and I still feel like I could do more.

I hope she comes around. All I would suggest is don't hold your breath, it could take awhile.

[wannachange]

Falling Apart

Good morning guys, well I get an extra half hour on Saturday with my son... that's progress!
SK8 I am with you on the maintenance, I too pay for the mortgage, house bills and the maintenance without a court order, it adds up to about 1,500 a month, but I don't mind one little bit, I would have spend that on beer anyhow.
Your Girlfriends attitude is to be expected SK8, people get frustrated with change, she is not expecting you to be so nice, I am not a therapist but I think she is confused and when people are confused they react strangely, she is not angry with you - just the situation, in time this will change.
Is there anything coming up soon for your son? a birthday or a school thing? Where perhaps you could suggest to your girlfriend that you both be there... that might break the ice a little, or even suggest a picnic in the park or something, I don;t know if it will work and I am sure the girls here would be able to advice better on that.
I bid you a fantastic day!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good morning everyone! Glad the sites working today. Feel good this morning. Gonna get back on track with my positive thinking today. Got a little derailed yesterday.

Wanna the good news keeps comming your way! My sons birthday is coming up at the end o July. Actually my mom and son have the same birthday. So we'll see what happens with that.

Hope you all have a great day. I'll check in later.

[patrice]

Falling Apart

Hi Sk8, glad its all groovin' along with the bumps and smooth bits..
Wanna, you sound happier and much more positive.. the only thing that seems to be constant in this life is change and you sound like you are on an up with access to your son etc..
Overit
I read your post tonight and I totally 100% agree with you. My partner left 8 months ago and never really contributed to the child as I worked and he stayed at home and looked after him .. so actually he DID contribute a lot during the first 4 years.. looking after our son since he was 4 months old was HUGE and I really respected him for doing that. I guess what I mean is that since he left the country, he has not contributed in any way, financially, emotionally.. he has basically desrted his son, he never calls him, he never asks about how tall he is now etc etc, he seems to have crossed him out which I found hard to believe as he was the main caregiver for 4 years...
Anyway now I feel ok, I know he won't give financial support Im not even going to bother asking, emotional support will be sporadic and when he feels like it. But same as you its almost better cos i don't have to deal with all the shit, where he goes, when he picks him up, money etc.. I feel very free in that respect.. some scenarios are endless nightmares whereas yours and mine ( although financially difficult - yeah we just do exta hours!!) are straightforward and less stressful . Just wanted to say what you wrote is not strange to me at all!!!
Sorry rambling happening....Still day 9 though and toughing it out daily