Falling Apart

[Rusty]

Falling Apart

Hey Sk8,

You are sounding great....you really are. I'm with Techie, though....I could not stand the Sunday or Monday morning hangovers anymore!. I could be AF or stop at 1 drink during the week while working, but the weekends came and ugh, they were my downfall if I were home by myself. When I was with my family, I just didn't drink. Screwy and scary how we all have different forms of habit, isn't it?

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Rusty,

How have you been. Yeah I feeling good but things are still the same. Friday, Saturday and Sunday were my worst. If I was awake I was drinking. I could never imagine a Friday without a drink. It was so bad I would actually have two beers while I was in the shower after work! Jeez. I still think that part of the reason Fridays were so rough for me. My "career" as a drinker didn't last to long, about a year, year and a half before it caught up with my depression problems.
It is strange how we all have the same problem but different ways of doing it. Kinda makes sense since we all have different personalities. But the good thing is we all came to the same conclusion. We can't drink anymore.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Rusty jokingly refered to herself as one of my "forum groupies" since she reads all my posts. I thought it was funny and sparked a few memories. No these aren't stories from when I was in bands.Sorry.

I mentioned on here sometime ago I have a tattoo on my right arm that says Nobody's Hero, it's in a banner around a old west outlaw gun. This one actually has some meaning to it. It always bugged me when people would copy something I did. Wether it be the way I wore something, a pair of shoes I wear things like that. Instead of being flattered or realizing they just like what I was doing. I thought they were taking away from my uniquieness. I remember my girlfriends youngest who was 4 or 5 at the time really looking up to me because I skated and played guitar. I asked why does he look up to me? I shouldn't be looked up to. She said yes you should, why shouldn't you be? I never really had an answer other than because I'm a mess. She would always look at me and ask how. I didn't know so I couldn't answer.

You see I always knew I had "mental" problems and self esteem problems. I just never knew what they were until recently (cronic depression and anxiety). I just knew I always felt my life was a mess. Even in the best of times. I would get so nervous in crowded public places (I threw up before every show my band played, or drank myself into oblivion. I'll share those stories sometime). I couldn't talk or relate to people. In fact any girl that liked me or dated me I always thought there has to be something wrong with them (well a couple were nuts). I told you I had self esteem problems. I honestly believed I didn't deserve to be loved. That people were setting me up to hurt me. That the world was against me. I know how nuts this probably all sounds.

Good thing is I don't think like this anymore thanks to counsuling. I'm far from having a great self image but its getting there. Now that I have a son I realize he truely does look up to me and I like it. Now I hope I am a positive example to others that you can change you life for the better. And the most ironic thing about all this is I'm becoming this person when my life is actually a mess. Moral of the story....Watch what you say it can come true.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Good Post Sk8,

I think that many of us have felt like "misfits", like we belong on the island of misfit toys in Rudolph and Red Nose Reindeer. I've never felt like I fit in anywhere really, and not even with my family. My own family has no idea who I am really. They only know what I let them know, and since we live far away, its pretty easy to do. Its a very lonely feeling to not even feel like you fit in with your own family. Dont get me wrong, my family are wonderful wonderful people. I love them, but the generation gap between my parents, and the gap between my siblings is just of not really relating to each other at all. My siblings have never had any addictions of any kind. I doubt anyone in my family could ever understand my issues with alcohol. They would just have no idea about it, or even what to do about it.

Since having my son, like you, I have gained the identity of "Mom" and thats an identity I like. Children are great for inspiring you, you want to be the best you can for them! I only pray my son does not have some of the issues I did growing up.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Over how was work? I relate to the family thing. I'm a only child though. Still the black sheep when compared to my cousins though. My parents only know what I let them too. They couldn't believe it when I told them I was a alcoholic. There's no history of it in my family.
I guess I am just a misfit. A better misfit but still one. Nothing wrong with that. I'm me. Funny you guys here know more about me than anyone else. Guess its easier to tell this stuff in cyberspace. I couldn't imagine tell my girlfriend any of this. Would definetly scare her or anyone off!

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Well, were a bunch of misfits then, but at least were in some good company. Yeah, I share stuff on here I would never tell anyone either, but its good therapy to do. I do not go to a counselor, I probably should. There are lots of things I "should" do.

You havent said anything here to scare any of us away now have you? In fact, your one of the most popular guys here, LOL! I guess everyone likes to see a success story and you have the makings of a great success story. Plus, most of us are wondering about if the guy gets the girl too..????

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Popular? That's a worried never used to describe me before. Sometimes I wish this place was the "real" world.
It is good therapy. Just talking to like minded people always helps. I know recently I've been trying to help others here. Every single person in the world should talk to a counsler. Everyone has gone through or done something that they need to get off their chest.
And will the guy get the girl..... well if this was a movie would I? Don't think it would be a very good movie. Well maybe one of those Lifetime movies. Guess we're all waiting to see how this one ends then huh.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

LOL, well... your life story might be on lifetime, but it would not be one of those cheesy boring stories.

I think my life story would be more of a horror story actually. Suspense and Drama and Danger!

Ok my son is calling me, time for Mom and Mini to get ready for bed.

Catch you tomorrow Sk8!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

LOL. Catch you on the flipside Over.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good morning everyone! Feel good this morning. Finally Friday I'm glad but fridays are still just another day for me. Better go to work. I'll check in later.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Happy Friday Sk8! My Fridays are no big deal to me either, except after today I have 4 DAYS OFF!!! I didnt even ask for them, thats just how my schedule was.. YAY ME!

I've been slipping with my drinking and eating habits pretty bad. Its a good time to get things back into perpective and get back on track. No better time than now!

Ill catch you later Dude (Dude, LOL)

[mama bear]

Falling Apart

I want to be a dentist!!!
I have always loved Hermie from Rudolph!!!
Have a good day guys
Over it...I started Bac yesterday...will keep you posted...Antabuse just scares the f**k out of me

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

I stopped to get gas before work. Why does it seem I'm the only one going to work? Everyone else is talking about going to do something fun, with their families, with girlfriends. Sometimes I think life is testing me. Ugh....I just rolled with it. I'm a misfit. Reached into my glove box and pulled out a pair of bright blue punk sunglasses I have in there. Put them on turned up the Briefs and drove to work. Hey if I am one might as well have fun.
Hope the rest of the day goes better. Somehow I doubt it. Guess we'll see.

[Rusty]

Falling Apart

Hi Sk8,

I'm putting in a 12-hour work day today. My second 12-hour day in a row. I started at 5:30 a.m. this morning.....so I'll be your Partner in Crime for the day while the rest of our pals are doing fun summer things.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

That I would like to see... Sk8 with the stereo blasting in his bright blue and pink sunglasses!

Hey... Psst! Didnt you know that "normal" people are BORING and I would MUCH rather hang out with the misfits. They are more entertaining!!


And no exciting things going over here either! Unless you want to count hanging out with a crazy kid and a crazy dog!!