Falling Apart

[wannachange]

Falling Apart

Yes we are all in this together, all we need is time now. My wife did not rule out reconciliation but we haven't spoken yet about it and how it would work, emails back and forth about my son, but I hope to talk to her once all this is settled, hopefully in a few months.
It will take time techie and it has to start somewhere - so keep going! you are doing very well.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Yeah we are in this together. Very similar situations and common goals. I believe we've all had the same feelings at one point or another. Its a good support system. Everyone on this site is.

[Rusty]

Falling Apart

Hi Sk8, Overit, Wanna, K9, Techie,

Rusty here....taking a break during a 12-hour work day with my client. Just thought I'd say things are looking positive for you guys on this thread. It's very uplifting coming on here.

I know what you mean about Fridays, Sk8....I'm almost done with work, it's beautiful outside, warm, and of course one of my favorite bars is right around the corner from where I'm working. :upset: I better pop a double dose of NAL because I'm feeling vulnerable today.

If I can get to the gym and then jump in the pool, I will be fine. I've had a bunch of AF days and I'll be damned if I'm going to blow it!!!!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Don't blow it Rusty. Yeah fridays do suck. With me its not the drinking. Its beautiful outside,everyone seems to be in great moods, got things to do and someone to do things with. I've got nothing but self pity. I hate feeling like this but nothing I do seems to snap me out of it. It seems when I have bad days now they are BAD. Like hide away from society bad. I want to find out what triggers this so I can try to stop it. I know its probably me.
Now if I could just find where the misfits are around here maybe i'd feel better.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Yes I'm still up. Today was probably one of the roughest I've had yet. No I didn't drink. But I feel I'm at a crossroads. I can continue holding on to this hope everything will work out. Or I can move on with my life and just be the best father I can for my son. I haven't decided yet. I'm going to give it a few days.
It has been nearly three months and things haven't improved with my GF. Everytime I feel I take one step a few days later its as though I take 3 back. I have tried everything to communicate with her about my son and I'm ignored. Or I'm talked down to as though I'm annoying her because I care so much for him. This is just leading me to frustration. I do still love her but it breaks my heart everytime I'm ignored. My intentions are good but I'm still a awful person in her eyes. I'm the reason my life and hers is a wreck. And hse seems more than happy to point that out. Not once since this happened has she shown any concern for me. In fact she more or less turned her back on me. I wouldn't do that to someonee I loved. Perhaps she doesn't love me.
I know I should give it more time but I feel as though my life has been put on hold waiting for her to make a decision. Like I said I'm going to think about this for a few days before I make a choice. I just don't know what to do. Hope can only get me so far and I'm so emotionally tired right now I don't know if I can just carry on on hope alone.

[wannachange]

Falling Apart

Hey SK8, everything will look a lot better in the morning - get some sleep and laze around today as its Saturday oh and you have your son - take it one day at a time SK8 my friend, your situation is not as bad when looking at it from the outside.
See you when you wake up, I hope with a more positive outlook.

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

Hey SK8ter! My heart broke for you reading your post of this morning. Yes, hopefully things will look better today and you are on the right track with not deciding anything quickly. But, and this is a big But-You have GOT to take care of yourself both emotionally and physically. You may have initially decided to kick the beast to the curb in order to right things with your ex but this has to be all about you and only you. Once it is, then it can be about your son. You are an awesome dad. Please don't ever doubt that. You may have to face the fact that she no longer has feelings for you but that cannot change what you are doing for yourself and who you've become. I'm not sure what rights by law you have to your son but hopefully partial custody will be the goal if you two don't get back together. It may very well be time to move on with YOUR life, your son being included in it but maybe she doesn't get that inclusion. Her loss. There is someone out there waiting for you-the new, sober, sensitive, funny, talented SK8ter. Leave the door open.
:h PM3

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good morning Wanna. Yes I do feel better today. A little tired but better. I'm glad that dark cloud has passed. Techie was right I did lose focus yesterday. It was just frustration, loneliness and yes feeling bad for myself. We all have days like that. I think maybe it is only me.LOL. thankfully I didn't drink. I do think it is time I start to do some living and let the pieces fall where they may. I'm doing all I can and that is all I can do.
Well I'm off to get my son. I'll check in later.

[Rusty]

Falling Apart

Hi Sk8,

I didn't read your last night's post until just now and I'm glad you're feeling better. Good for you for not drinking last night! I didn't either. I think the sadness you feel is really typical when you stop drinking because you feel like you've lost your best friend. We spent so much time with that "person" named AL that we REALLY have to THINK about developing other hobbies, making new friends since we ditched the best and only "friend" (and no friend at all) we ever had. I'm sorry your GF is so detached...you're such a sweet person, I hope she comes around. Time will tell and if you're anything like me, you struggle with patience.:l

You take care, Sk8.....

Rusty

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Hi Everybody!

Good to see that the Friday Funk has passed, although I am not sure I am not still in it. Im really proud that you did not drink yesterday Sk8 with all the emotions you were going through. Honestly, if it was me, I cannot guarantee an AF outcome, I am just not there yet, like R.C. Hopefully we will get there soon though.

Im glad you have your boy today, he will cheer you up for sure! Just have a relaxing day and do not much more than just laugh and play with him. Take it easy, you deserve it.

And Sk8, as far as your girlfriend goes, it may be time soon to come to a decision, like you said. I think its time for a face to face meeting with her, whether she likes it or not. What do you think about that? She needs to give you some answers I feel.

Ill catch up with you guys later, have a blessed day.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Thanks Rusty and Papmom (missed your post this morning). I am feeling a lot better today. Perhaps yesterday was a test. If it was i'd like to think I passed with flying colors. I do struggle with patience. But its coming along slowly. I did stop drinking and do all these changes for myself. But yes honestly I hoped that she would see this and want me back. Maybe in time. In order for her to see the changes she has to allow herself to see them. Speak to me as a person not as a enemy.
Well got my son now. I'll see you all later. Thanks for your support

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

enjoy your boy Sk8! He will cheer you up and you will know what this is all for just when you look at his little angel face. Everything we go through, as long as our kids are happy, is worth it.

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

Have a great day SK8ter with your son!! Hopefully it isn't too stormy or hot in Pittsburgh today. I think OverIt may be right. It's been 3 months-your ex owes you a face to face. Kids don't have to be there (since that's what she keeps saying is preventing a meeting). Your parents or hers can chaperone if she wants but enough is enough!! You have more than earned this. Yikes!! Someone pull the plug on me LOL!!

Congrats on not using AL to help you through the funk last nite. It wouldn't have done anything for you and you know that full well. You rock!!
:l

[wannachange]

Falling Apart

Hi everyone!

Enjoy your son SK8, I am off to see mine in 2 hours, I am so excited!!!
Spent the morning cleaning my house, once I start I don't stop, I even cleaned the windows.. why am I telling you this? cause it kept my mind off things, as rusty says get to do new things, I am going to start jogging tomorrow, I won't do much, about a half a mile but I will keep working on that.

Have a wonderful day!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Over missed your post this time. It may be time for a decision. I just have this gut feeling as soon as I get to a good place in my life she is going to reach out. I've had this feeling for months now. Don't know. I"l talk more later.