Falling Apart

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

That is a very good observation as to how children behave. I am on the shy side, but my son is the complete opposite of me (like his dad). My son has no inhibitions whatsoever, no judgement as to the color of your skin, he just wants to play with you. Him being an only child even makes this more so. He is inrolled at a school with all races and all walks of life. I like it that way. People should just accept others as they are and the earlier the better.

Are you serious? The punk culture is now clicky?? Thats kinda sad and pathetic really.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Oh yeah I'm serious. The punk scene has 77 punk, garage, ska, synth punk, hardcore. I could go on and on. Skate scene is street, vert, hesh, rap, metal, punk, old school vs new school. Eh what ever I like what I like. I'm too old to worry about cliques and to young to throw in the towel..

I'm shy too. I'll speak if spoken to but very rarely make the first move. I may seem very out going and fun here but it takes awhile for me to get this way in person. Kinda sucks being socially clumbsy. Makes it hard for me to meet anyone. With girls I always assume they are in relationships or out of my league. And more times then not the ones who speak to me are not my type.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Well, I hate to sound like a bummer, but the older we get, the harder and harder it gets to meet somebody that would fit in our lives. At my age, people have already been divorced, and have kids, which is fine, I dont mind the kids at all, but its the baggage that comes along with the past relationships. I actually consider myself someone with no real baggage because I was divorced happily ages ago and my son is just all mine with no ex to bother me with. Still, I cant find anyone. But Hey! I hope things work out for you. Still keeping my fingers crossed!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

I hope so too. But I've got baggage now too. Really wish I wouldn't have screwed things up. Everything happens for a reason though.

[KatieB]

Falling Apart

I have a tip - online dating! that's how I met my current partner... it may be seen as "sad" - but i had no other way of meeting someone really, being a single mum - when you have a child, everyone assumes you already have a partner.. just be careful when online dating.. go on some other sites for tips - i was very specific with my profile, and did not accept anything less than what I wanted... and i screened all people very carefully before adding them to my list of "friends" - its good to chat for a few weeks before meeting up..
Katie x

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Katie hope everything is going good with you. Right now I'm not looking for anyone. I was just making examples of how shy I am

I've thought about online dating in the past but its really not for me. Where I am right now in life I don't have much to offer anyway. Plus my self esteem is so low that I feel i'd be a disappointment to anyone I went out on a date with. I know its sad to think like that but its how I feel. I know I'm a nice guy and probably do have something to offer but right now my heart belongs to another and I'm hoping that will work out.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well I thing I figured out what brings me down. The one two punch of boredom and lonliness. Kinda sucks felt really good yesterday with my son and felt good today while I was out. But as soon as I get home a do everything there is to do thats when it sets in. All my friends live to far from where I'm staying now. Plus they are all married or in relationships. Being the third wheel is a drag. They all also drink alot. So its really not my scene right now. There is just nothing to do around here. I mean how long can someone hang out at Target or a coffee shop? I think I've been to the end of the internet. LOL.
So that's basically it. When I realize my total lack of a social life I start to feel down, then I start to think.
Don't get me wrong I'm not down right now but I recognized this is how it starts.

[Doggygirl]

Falling Apart

I think finding a way to be comfortable with ourselves (alone) is an important part of healing and recovery. For myself, I like reaching a point where I don't feel lonely, whether I am by myself or with others. I was perpetually lonely when I was drinking, whether I was around other people (friends, family, or even spouse / significant other). Even with a significant other I had such high expectations for that person to "make me happy" that I was still never happy or satisfied.

I really encourage you to continue exploring yourself and look for that inner peace that will allow you to be alone, but never lonely. I'm getting there (maybe not fully there yet!). But it's nice to be self sufficient in that regard. And it's nice for my husband that I'm not "needy" on him.

Knowing what I know now in recovery, I can definitely say that if I had been single when I decided to sober up, it would have been best for me to remain single for some period of time to get some personal growth under me. I am very lucky that my spouse has also gone through some tandem changes, and that it has worked out OK for us. What we've been through - many people would end up saying "we grew apart."

You are doing great sk8! Learn to love the new you. Congrats on 80 days! :yougo:

DG

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good morning everyone. Another Monday huh. Not really bothering me today. Let's just hope its a fast one. Hope you're all doing good day. I'll check in later.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Alright I'm awake now. Been having trouble falling asleep lately. I can be exhausted but as soon as I turn out the lights I'm wide awake. Oh well I've always been a night owl. Feeling good today even though I'm at work.
Looked at my calander I'm actually 82 days sober. Even I'm losing count at this point. Can't believe its been that long. Don't miss it. Seems like something from my distant pass. Every once in awhile I'll remember something dumb I did and sure enough I was drunk. I should've been dead a couple of times. Years ago I put my hand through a window cause I was locked out. Slashed my wrist long ways. Blood was spurting out like you wouldn't believe. So what did I do? Wrapped some paper towels around it and passed out. Woke up to blood all over the ceiling and walls. The cut was so deep that it took out part of the tattoo on my wrist. Guess I haven't always had bad luck. Someone has been protecting me.

[papmom3]

Falling Apart

Hey SK8ter! congrats on your 80+ days!!

I can definitely relate to both thoughts this morning. My nightly wine drinking/binging seems like the distant past as well and I don't miss it either. AF certainly helps my wallet and my health.
If we're doing confessionals, here's mine: 2 years ago on March 3rd, I had been drinking my usual bottle of wine. I don't remember being exceptionally drunk but I do remember being tipsy and nostalgic. My little pup wasn't sitting with me so I got up and found him. I reached down to pick him up and ended up losing my balance and falling backwards onto my right wrist. I knew right away it was broken as I had done the same thing almost exactly a year ago to my left wrist (however, i wasn't drunk then. It was New Years Day at 8am and I slipped on black ice-didn't have more than 2 glasses of wine the night before because I wasn't feeling well). I wrapped it up the best I could, put ice on it and called my dad. It was 10pm. I told him I had slipped on ice again in the back yard while letting the dogs out. In the ER, I did tell the nurses and docs that I had had "few" glasses of wine because they were about to give me morphine before trying to set it. I'm sure they could smell it on me even tho I tried to brush my teeth before my dad got to my house (that must have been quite a feat!!). Fast Forward 2 weeks to the night before surgery. Now the first time I followed all instructions and I think I probably didn't even drink at all the week between the fall and the surgery. This time however, I drank until 10pm the night before because they said nothing after 10pm. I knew better. I knew I shouldn't be drinking but there I was. Any wonder I had a horrible experience coming out of anesthsia the next day? I was soooo sick. They almost had to admit me due to the vomiting. Needless to say my recovery from this surgery never went as smooth as the first one and to this day my range of motion in my wrist is not what it should be. Think I learned my lesson? Nope. Took 2 more years almost to the day to decide to quit.
Sorry for hijacking your thread but reading your confession of your injury inspired me to confess to mine for the very first time. You guys are the only ones who know what really happened that nite and how utterly stupid and preventable this injury was.

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Morning Sk8r. Glad you were being protected. God works in mysterious ways, he does. I tried to post a pic of me with sunglasses for fun but can't find my thingy to upload. Nothing as dramatic as your shades mind you. lol Keep marching to your drummer. Great beat it is! Make a great day!! )

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

And of course congrats on your sobriety. ;o)

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Hey Sk8'er!

Oh Boy, do I relate to somebody up there watching out for me too. I have quite a few stories where it is amazing I survived. How scary is that. Once passed out driving my car and slid down into a ditch in the middle of a freezing cold winter in Michigan. If somebody had not pulled me out, well I dont even want to think about it. I know God has me here for a purpose and has a plan. I know one of those plans was to be a Mom to my little boy, but I am still trying to figure out the rest of the purpose to my life. This ties into the drinking issues. So anyways, Yes Sk8, you do have a guardian angel on your shoulder and there is a plan for your life and a purpose. Sometimes the trick is just getting it all figured out.


Ok I am done ranting, Hey Doggygirl and R.C., and PapMom

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Thanks for sharing Papmom. I'm sure we all have war stories from drinking. To be honest my drinking problem has been on and off for the past 10 years. I've actually had more injuries from drinking than skating. And never go to the hospital.

Because of drinking I've spent the night in jail, got a DUI, broke my nose 2 times, got into fights, had my wrist sliced open, sliced my little finger open and should've gotten stitches, sliced my leg open, passed out in the shower and almost drowned and drove drunk way to much. And that's what I can remember.

Looking at that list I'm glad I'm done drinking.