Falling Apart

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Well I think you have lots to be proud of, but your one thing that your proud of... Is one VERY SPECIAL THING to be proud of, thats for sure.

Have a goodnight if I dont catch you later.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

I guess I do have a lot to be proud of. I really need to focus more on my self esteem! Years of thinking is not the easy to change. Everytime I feel self confident I think I'm being cocky. Ugh I wish there was a button to push to reprogram my brain LOL. Well at least I know who I am now.

I'll be here for awhile just doing other things at the same time.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

I think my biggest struggle other than self confidence is what DG brought up. Being alone. While I am happy with myself now. I need to really get comfortable with myself. I used to drink alone alot. When I first met my GF I was very independent. I was in a band, skated, had friends. But at the end all I was doing was drinking and wishing she was around more. I can see how unhealthy that really was. Part of me thought it was my duty because she was pregnant then we had my son. Maybe deep down I slipped into depression because I couldn't handle the fact someones life depended on me now. In the state I was in I couldn't deal with that fact. Even though its what I wanted. I should have communicated more with her about things like that.
Now I love being a dad. Now I see there are things that need to be done. Things she has to do and things I have to do. There will always be time for us and there should always be time for us to do the things we like alone. Holy shit did I just have a break through that fast!?!?! Not completely but I think I'm on the right track now! I think thats what I was getting at earlier when I said a part of me always seems to get lost. My independence!!! I become to dependent on my partner, to worried about always making them happy. Yes I'm on to it now! Thats what DG meant about it was something to fix inside her. To worried about always pleasing others that I sacrifice my true self in order to keep them around where if they really love me they already accept me for who I am. So in the long run the person they fell in love with isn't who they're in the relationship with anymore.

[Doggygirl]

Falling Apart

You are doing great sk8. You have made amazing progress in 82 (3?4?) days. That length of time can feel like forever when we are first getting sober, but it's such a short drop in the bucket of our life times. If you continue to be so willing to be open and honest with yourself, you will continue to grow I am sure. I too did my drinking alone in the later years. That was definitely not the same as being comfortable with myself and feeling confident and happy with my life in a way that is NOT dependent on anyone else. My husband is the icing on the cake. He's not the cake. I've got to be repsonsible for the cake within myself. I was still lonely when I stopped drinking. Maybe it felt more lonely in some ways because I was "feeling" instead of "numbing." It all takes some getting used to.

I really like the feeling that I can be happy with my husband, but my happiness does not depend on him. I think the only way we can achieve that sort of feeling is to spend time getting to know ourselves, making new sober friends, etc.

You have a wonderful life in front of you. Your son is definitely the next big heartbreaker.

DG

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Today is 83 days. Thanks for helping me along DG. I'm stumbling every once in awhile but its good that you're all here to keep me from slipping.

[girly wirly]

Falling Apart

wtg on 83 days sk8!

your son is gorgeous, just like his daddy! time to accept it sk8 you are a hottie!. i take it from the posts that you have e mailed your gf? be confident, open and honest. give it a few more weeks. are there no band auditions or anything around that you could join?

stay strong!

[one2many]

Falling Apart

GORGEOUS kid! I can just imagine him with drunsticks!

Hiya Girly!

[girly wirly]

Falling Apart

hiya oney! me too, he's a real cutie isn't he, what we would call a little surfer dude!

[one2many]

Falling Apart

He sure is....a great reason to be sober!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Thanks Oney and Girly. He really is a big reason I'm sober today. He does have that surfer look . Loves water. Hope you're both doing good today. I woke up still feeling good from my breakthrough last night. Slept good for the first time in a week and a half but I'm still tired. Gonna stop and get some caffiene. I'm off to work so I'll check in again in a bit.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Good Morning Sk8 and everyone on Sk8s thread, LOL!

Wont have alot of time to post as Im back to work after a 4 day vacation, but hope to catch up with everyone tonight.

Sk8, were you referring to your "breakthrough" as having alot of work to do on yourself? Oh boy, I think that almost every single person always has alot of work to do on themselves. I certainly can raise my hand to that, and I think its true that our growth stops when we start drinking... So therefore I started drinking at around 14, so gosh, I might still be in the mind frame of a 14 year old! Oh boy, I SURE have lots of growing to do to get back up to 42!

Enjoy your day everyone!

[one2many]

Falling Apart

Thats good to hear SK8...sometimes we cannot see the wood for the trees and then it all just falls into place..Keep reminding yourself of the things you have realised and pretty soon they will implant themselves in your brain and you will believe them with all your heart. Just takes pratice!

Hi there Over, I know I prob have a lot of work to do on myself...I had a pretty shitty childhood and I know I have not dealt with it...so I am probably still a scared, neglected little 4 year old.

I need to do some growing up too!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey everyone. At work now ugh. I don't think people were meant to work at least not this one. Over, my breakthrough was what DG was talking about. Me getting to know myself better. I figured out some stuff I think its on the page before this one. Shortly after my sons pic.
I've done a lot of work on myself just feels like a few loose ends to straighten out and I'll be in decent shape to move forward. Everyone does have to work on themselves constantly. Everyday is different so there's something to be learned everyday.
Girly, don't really see myself as hot but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I still have low self esteem trying to sort that out too. It comes from years of being picked on and thinking I'm a weirdo. Well I am weird but in a good way. I'm just me. Thanks for boosting my esteem early this morning.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey what is all this talk of growing up in my thread? You know there is a difference between being responsible and growing up. I don't want to grow. I don't want to be like the other people I see out there. You know the ones driving aound in a car they can't afford because they tthink it makes them better then other people. I'm never going to be a part of that world. I see so many people who look miserable because they aren't happy with their lot in life. They've lost their inner child. They are the grown ups. Not for me.
I admire people who are truly themselves. I used to look at pictures of those people and wish I was like that. But you know what I've realized? I am like that. I am me abd I like me. Doesn't matter what others think I like who I am. Independence is in our minds. We can follow the crowd or we can stand up and say this is not for me I'm gonna do this. Like the old saying free your mind and your ass will follow.
Think for yourselves friends. Society would have us believe drinking is ok and the only way to really have fun. Well that's not true for us now is it. Be your own person and make your own decisions. We are misfits be proud of that. Embrace being the black sheep and being out of step with the herd.
Ok that's my rant for the day.

[girly wirly]

Falling Apart

sk8punk;898826 wrote:
Girly, don't really see myself as hot but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I still have low self esteem trying to sort that out too. It comes from years of being picked on and thinking I'm a weirdo. Well I am weird but in a good way. I'm just me. Thanks for boosting my esteem early this morning.

oi! are you calling me a fibber? lol