Falling Apart

[one2many]

Falling Apart

Howiyis!

Sk8 me dear, take whats positive from some comments and leave the rest, it is not important or even relevant...watch out for the wooden spoons tho, they can trip you up if you are not careful...

Rusty and Girlie are right and I too think of you as my good friend....and you are more normal to me than most of my friends are..

Well I was telling you all that i was gonna get out more so I have done a little bit on that...I called a very old friend and invited him to go to a holistic fair with me on Sunday, we used to go together years ago, he was delighted to hear from me and we have arranged to meet on Sunday.

I am booking a Reiki treatment for Thursday, had one years ago and it was amazing.

I am going to the movies at the weekend with another friend.

I am still trying to source a yoga course, just looking for the right one...there are a few on so will ring 2moro.

Also thinking of an NLP course that is on nearby too.

Going to do an hour on the beach every day with the ipod.

The rest is work in progress...

[girly wirly]

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That's great 1ey! Let's get out there!

[sk8punk]

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Wow Oney that is quite a schudule! Good for you! I'm trying to get out there more. Right now people watching or to the store is the extent I do. Just not ready yet to engage anyone in conversation. I guess I'm so personable here cause their is nothing to lose and we are all in similar situations. I need to get that nothing to lose attitude into the real world. Cause really, what do I have to lose?
I know the worst they can do is say no but to me that is the worst thing. This fear of rejection I have really does hold me back from life. Gotta figure out a way to get over that.

[Ringing Cedars]

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Hey Sk8, you're not going to like this but the only way to get over it is to go through it I think. Nobody likes rejection but it is the good with the bad of getting out there I think. You will never have a chance if you don't try though. Of course don't push yourself too hard...but do keep nudging forward. )

[sk8punk]

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Yeah I know RC, just don't think I'm there yet mentally. Still trying to figure myself out.

[Johnny]

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Howdy Skate,

Thought I'd drop by again,

So many of the things you say resonate with me. I think that a fear of rejection is one of the main things I used various fixes to hide from. Getting out there is tricky man, and as for figuring oneself out, believe me mate you are probably a lot further down the road than most people are. I think that what you may have to realise is that through a lot of effort and soul searching as well as making a lot of positive choices, when you do start to engage more with whatever 'out there' is you will be in a position whereby your presence will have a noticeably positive effect on those around you. It is likely that this is something that is hard for people in recovery generally, to get used to.

[sk8punk]

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Hey Johnny, I know I used alcohol to deal with my fear of rejection and shyness. So that strength is in there somewhere just have to figure out how to get it without drinking. I may be further down the road but I think I I'm thinking about it to much. I just need to be myself and let what happens happen. Its funny how I actually worry about how I'm perseived by other people. I'm sure that uneasiness is felt by those around me. I got to just be happy with me. Some days I am and others not so much. I guess I still feel vulnerable from this recovery. I still think people look at me and think there's a alcoholic. Funny when you think about it. Really what does a alcoholic look like? I could be surrounded by them when I'm out and wouldn't even know it. But yet I think everyone else can tell.

[papmom3]

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Hey SK8ter!! Best pic yet of you and your boy!! You guys are real cuties!!
I've sort of lost track of this thread-you guys have gone viral I think LOL!!
Sounds like overall everything is good with you. Glad you had a nice quiet AF holiday. Me too.
Take care!!

[sk8punk]

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I hate when my meds are changed. It takes about a week for my body to adjust and right when I feel I'm at a good point...BAM! time to go to the docs and I'm back to square one again. I got them up'd again Thursday and since then I've been down. I know things will get better again though. This time I'm gonna tell the doc I feel good lets leave the dosage here for a bit.

I've been so focused on getting my head together I think I've completly over shot the mark this time. I need to stop and roll with what I got today. Kate is right my isolation is self impossed. It always has been. I feel misunderstood because as we all can tell I don't understand myself all the time. That will stop today. Its time for me to be me 100%. Don't worry about meeting people, pleaseing people or even worring about what they think. Doing that will drive anyone crazy. The only person I need to make happy is myself. If I'm happy those around me will be happy. I know this to be true because I've seen the opposite. When I was drunk I surrounded myself with negativity and I think we can all agree what happened was negative.

I can spend my whole life in this vicious circle. I know who I am, I'm here for a reason. I've let opportunities pass me by in the past, I missed out on life because of the bottle. Now I've freed myself from that slavery I don't know how to be free. And isn't that the whole point to this game called life? We are free to be who we are, what we are, to make mistakes and learn, free to better ourselves and not let others hold us down. Like Devo said use your freedom of choice. After all we're all devo!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVGINIsLnqU[/video]]YouTube - Devo - Freedom Of Choice (Video)

Oh Hi Papmom!!!

[sk8punk]

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I swear me and Duane are on the same wave length!! Well we are both gemini's. And this isn't the first time this happened either! Anyway he posted this today. Its called Ever Feel Like A Alien?

It’s All about Perspective ” were all at what ever stage of the game were at And it will not Ever Stop Changeing ! No matter How Tough you Are” You cannot stop Time or Change ! Go Jump off a Building ! you are Gonna hit Ground whether you Believe it or Not ! So we do Got our perspectives.

Tunnel Vision is a very popular Choice for most all though this planet is going through some Crazy great Changes and its gonna keep on spinning into some Rad shit that it aint never Done because we live in a Free will Universe & our timeline is “OURS” I got mine ! you got Yers ! Pretty Great right ? That would mean we are all Individual Souls and I believe eventually into One big Collective. All Migrateing Towards the Sourse of some sort of Great Magnitude of Energy that our tiny little short wave 3rd Dementional Tunnel meat Brains Could not even at our most Intelegent Types can even begin to Comprehend. But thats just my Take on the big Kahuna and that to, is subject to Change Because it allways has.

I Like it when i let Things Change For the most part ! As a Human Being I tend to Wanna Hold on to Stuff all the Time ! I,m a fucking PackRatt at its Finest ! I,m a Junk Collecter A bad speller and Constantly Trying To stop the planet From Spinning Just For a fucking second !!! let me Figure out “Where the Fuck I,m at “! Wait ! Was that a Fucking Earthquake? Holy Shit ! The God Damn Taliban is Beheading Another American ! Their CarJacking Little old Ladies ? Those Guys Said what ? About me ? Who ? MotherFucker better have back up ! who dont Like The Color red ? He’s Doing This,There doing That,were all doing something man and Woman ! aint we spose to ? aint it our job to Just do the best we Can with whatever tools we got going today ?

Somedays I dont wanna hold the door open for Nobody ! I dont wanna give that bum a Buck ! I Got Vietnam FuckFace ! I was There to and people shat on me Constantly and Fuck you and Fuck me ! Victim,victim,victim ! Law of Attraction Man ! I guess there might be some ? what goes around comes around ?

I used to Test karma so Fucking much I made half a life or more all about The Karma Lie ! I,m gonna have to Confess from my own existance on this here piece of Rock and Time, Sometimes actually watching and Learning ( I Think?) That I am gonna have to Roll with This Theory being Pretty much True !

Throwing out bad Boomerangs have allways came back Bad, It seems like if ya Throw out good boomerangs they Come back Good but if ya got a bunch of bad ones comeing back in hordes , its gonna take awhile for the good ones to Start hitting ya back,with the Always ocational bonk to the head with a knarley bad one ya threw out there years ago and “where the Fuck did that come From? might set in ! It was one of many bad ones that just collected allot of Negative shit along the “Longway Home” and right inbetween all these Nice little Good Booms that have been Comeing back and going in my never ending Good Deed Doing ways !( SARCASIM) BANG ! Knarley Fucking hit Right to the temple with A Test of… BOOGEYMEN, TAXMAN, CRAZY PHONEBILL, COURTCASE, PAYBACK, PAYBACK, DRUGS, BOOZE, CHILD SUPPORT, BEST FRIEND IS FUCKING YER CHICK, BEST FRIEND DEAD, RELATIVE DEAD, CAR CRASH, BROTHER KILLS MOM, SO AND SO JUST GOT SHOT, STABBED, What ever it is.

This is Life ,This is The Beauty this is the beast! This is yer Life and this is my life and like the Fall guy off the Building “you will Crash and burn Every Now and Then,even if you do Got wings ? yer gonna come down eventually ! But alot of us get to Brush our selves off from time to Time and get back in that race Down That fucking killer hill of Twist’s and Turns,speed bumps,highs and lows and just maybe their wont be a BRICKWALL waiting for you at the end like the main stream “SOCIETYs FINEST” say their is ! The “you better start Thinkin about The “this and thats” ARMAGEDON IS COMMING ! BE PREPARED ! FEAR Young man ! Dont enjoy yer youth ! Stay in KETCHUP MODE and yer Life shall roll by Like Some other fuckheads did. Fuck them and Forgive Them and Thank them For showing you the Way you Dont wanna roll ! LIFE IS AN EXPEIRIANCE ! ENJOY THE FUCKING RIDE ! CONCIOUSNESS NEVER DIES ! Have a KickFace day !

Duane Peters

[sk8punk]

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papmom3;903784 wrote: Hey SK8ter!! Best pic yet of you and your boy!! You guys are real cuties!!
I've sort of lost track of this thread-you guys have gone viral I think LOL!!
Sounds like overall everything is good with you. Glad you had a nice quiet AF holiday. Me too.
Take care!!

You know Papmom I think its the best photo so far too. We both look happy and he was even a little under the weather.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hello everyone, hope you're all doing good. Day 90 for me today. I feel good today woke up in a good mood. Back to work for me today. Watched Shutter Island last night, it was good but I'm defeniatly going to have to watch it again to catch all the little things that happened. Tryin to watch all kinds of movies now. Givin anything a chance.
Just curious, to any of you believe in horoscopes and things like that? I read mine everyday but it never seems to really represent my day. And finally do you believe in soul mates? And if you do how do you know when you've met yours?

[OverIt2007]

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Hey Sk8'er!!!!

CONGRALATIONS ON DAY 90!!!! WHOOOO HOOOOO!!

Thats an amazing milestone and a big achievement! I hope you recognize this and give yourself a big pat on the back!! Im still amazed at how you have done this. I know the changes have not been an easy road for you to take, but I hope the road smooths out to a lovely path for you.

[mama bear]

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90 days???
YAY....
I am really proud of your sobriety sk8

[sk8punk]

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Guess it hasn't really sunk in yet. If someone would've told me this in January id never believe them. Hasn't been easy I can tell you that.