Falling Apart

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

I'm still gettin used to sober livin. Would probably be a bigger deal if this wasn't such a bummer summer. Aarons birthday is in a few weeks. Gonna start shoppin this weekend for it. I'm really looking forward to it. Even though I know its gonna cause stress because I highly doubt ill be invited to his party.

[KateH1]

Falling Apart

CONGRATULATIONS ON 90 DAYS!!!! Well Done!
I think of 90 days as a real turning point in so many ways. For me the time between 90 days and 6 months was a time of a lot of growth, soul searching and yes, a lot of emotional ups and downs! It really was a time of learning to not only "deal with life without alcohol", but to "Live Life Free of Alcohol". I kind of think of it like cleaning the basement! LOL....getting rid of all the Old Junk! From reading your posts, it seems like you are doing a lot of this, these days!

Have a Great Day!!

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

90 Days?? Wow that last 30 went by very quickly! Congratulations SK8r. Proud of you!

[girly wirly]

Falling Apart

way to go on 90 days sk8!!!!:goodjob:

i truly believe i hve found my soulmate in my husband.

i truly believe horoscopes are a load of b***ocks lol:H

for a girl this is incredibly odd...

[sk8punk]

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Thanks everyone. Yeah the last 30 did go fast. I don't know how much soul searching I have left. I drive myself crazy somedays doing that! I'm gonna switch focus onto my self esteem. That is actually still at a basement level. Don't know why. I got a lot going for me and have accomplished a lot but I still view myself in a bad light. Like I don't deserve anyone for the things I did. And I don't let myself be happy like you said yesterday self impossed isolation.

[Doggygirl]

Falling Apart

Congratulations again on your 90 days of sobriety! That is an awesome beginning.

On self esteem....

Feeling forgiven for my past wrongs has been an important part of my recovery process. I have worked on this by going through the AA steps. That is not the only way to go about it I'm sure. The important thing I think is to find SOME way to forgive yourself.

Even more important than how I feel about my past is how I feel about today. When I do the best I can to live simply and do the "next right thing" then I can feel good about who I am and what I'm going. If I slip into my old ways which included things like gossiping to make myself look "good" and others look "bad," thinking of myself and my own needs / desires first before the needs and desires of others, etc. - well, then I don't feel very good about that.

We have lots of choices each day beyond the one we make not to drink today.

DG

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Thanks Doggygirl. I have been following your advice on the one day at a time. It has helped greatly. Ido think of others before myself now. Particularly my son. I have forgiven myself but where my stumbling block is those I have hurt haven't .that still weighs heavily on me. Through counsuling I've been following the 12 steps and though I have apoligized to my GF she won't let me do the same to the kids right now. And I don't think she's forgiven me.
But I push forward everyday trying to better myself.

[Doggygirl]

Falling Apart

sk8, the amends process is not really about other people forgiving us (IMO) as much as it is us 1) doing the right thing and 2) forgiving ourselves. We cannot control other people (as both of us already know, but at least in my case, I forget that all of the time!). In the Big Book it talks about "living amends" as being more important than an apology. So just keep doing the right thing by your son and your X and her other children, and let the chips fall where they may.

Grant me the serenity to accept the people I can't change,
The courage to change the one I can,
And the wisdom to know it's me.

You are doing really great. As long as you keep doing your best, you life will all work out the way it is supposed to and in a good way. Maybe not the way you imagine it right now. Heck, maybe something good beyond your wildest imagination.

DG

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well that makes things easier since I'm already doing that. Funny thing is I don't even imagine my future. I'm so focused on today that I really don't think ahead. That was always I problem I had worring about the future. So its a good thing I don't do that much anymore.

[Doggygirl]

Falling Apart

sk8punk;904286 wrote: Well that makes things easier since I'm already doing that. Funny thing is I don't even imagine my future. I'm so focused on today that I really don't think ahead. That was always I problem I had worring about the future. So its a good thing I don't do that much anymore.

I agree with that. I over worried future events as well. LOL, I used to *imagine* stuff my husband would surely do, and then get MAD at him over what I was so sure he was going to do (but hadn't done yet, and usually never DID do) and then of course - you know the punch line - I drank over it. Insanity indeed.

I like the saying that expectations are disappointments waiting to happen. Of course these saying can seem silly if taken to extremes. But for me, my expectations did indeed set me up for a lot of unecessary disappointment.

Having faith that there is a good future ahead does not mean we have to try to predict all the details!

DG

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Good point. Just knowing the future is going to be good doesn't mean I have to predict it. Just let what happens happen.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Just curious Girly how did you know your husband was your soulmate? I'm just asking cause its been 90 days since I've seen my GF and I still think of her everyday. This is odd for me because in the past i'd moved on by now. Hell I've even tried to move on and can't .

[wannachange]

Falling Apart

Alrighty folks, sorry I have net been on nor had a chance to look through the new posts but I just wanted to say good evening to everyone.
I was at my counselor this evening and a huge light was shone at me. I was wearing my wedding ring and wore it in there, I dunno why I wear it sometimes, sometimes I think I wear it to remond myself what I am aiming for... anyhow she asked me, as a challenge, why I am wearing it, I came up with loads of excuses like "I want to remain faithful, the ring will drive the women away"- lol.. "I forgot", "I just like to feel it there" - but she was buying none of it. She believes I was wearing it because I can't let go of my past and move on - I was rather distraught cause she was right, but then it dawned on me, I am not moving away - I am moving on... not away.. you understand? How can I move on if I am still in the past and want to go back to the past? I believe now that I am moving on and when I move on my wife will be there waiting for the new me and if not then I will still be the new me and maybe someone else will be there waiting for me.

Have a wonderful evening!

[one2many]

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BLOODY good post Wanna..I can use this myself xxx

[mama bear]

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oooohhhh wanna...I just got shivers....