Falling Apart

[one2many]

Falling Apart

Awwhhh thats a shame,, I love kids in jeans and cool t's. The girls have The Ramones and Iggy Pop. Adam has a cool Ziggy Stardust one..they are very hard to get here in small sizes.

Maybe you could find him a t with a motorbike on it?

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Yeah it does suck. He's my son too. Maybe I still will get him a couple shirts like that.

[one2many]

Falling Apart

He can wear them when he is out with you SK8, you can both look cool together.x

[Doggygirl]

Falling Apart

As I was reading along, I too was thinking what oney obviously was - "he can wear them when he is with you." Great women think alike. Or is that minds. Whatever.

Your comment about "screw it nothing has changed..." caught my eye and I thought about that for a bit. I've certainly used that line before! I realize that when I say to myself "nothing has changed...." that translates to "the thing I WANT to change, which I cannot change because it's out of my control, hasn't changed..."

My mind is a scary place sometimes. Have fun shopping!

DG

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Your both right he can wear them when with me. I'll have to get a couple shirts like that then. DG you more or less read my mind. That's why I made sure to note that things have changed. But like you said what I want to change hasn't .

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well shopping was a bust. I'll go back out Friday. I'm gonna look online for where I got him shirts from before.
Well today was kind of a strange one but not bad. I do think I made some steps in the right direction when I realized I over think things at times. I've always done that. Like Doggygirl said "my mind can be a scary place at times." That goes for me too. I'm quickly realizing I'm my own worst enemy. Most things in my life I myself caused. Self isolation then anger because I never do anything so blame the people around me for that. That kind of thinking. Drinking defenitaly made those thoughts worse and more extreme. I wish sometimes I could show you all how distorted my reality was at the end. I told myself things until my drunken mind knew they had to be true. That's why I'm a strong believer in positive thinking. I've seen what the negative mind can do. It can eventually drive you mad.
Trust me I'm still not 100% positive probably never will be but I'm a lot better than I was. I just notice the little things and smile. And weird enough I can now see the negative in people and it makes me uncofortable. I try to avoid it. Like Oney's post today about giving the drunk money. That was a positive. The people who rather just turn their noses up at him and think of themselves as better were negative. No human is better or worth more than another. When it all comes down to it we're made of the same stuff and bleed red. Reminds me of a line in a song "just because I'm going backwards doesn't mean your going fowards" if you think about that line it could apply to any of us. Just because we made bad decisions and made mistakes doesn't mean the person who didn't is better than us. In some ways I believe our problems have given us a gift. The ability to truely enjoy life and see things other may just not see. I know I do and I'm sure some of you are the same way.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well I ordered him a Ramones shirt. And it's red. She likes the Ramones and the shirt isn't black so she can't use that as an excuse this time. Here's a photo of him I called Aaron Ramone when I saved it. Not sure why I think it's the Dee Dee hair and the brick wall behind him.



God I miss and love my son. Well he's got a sober dad now and if things didn't happen that might not have ever been true. So yes I screwed things up but in the end he wins.

I've always loved the Ramones. Even my mom liked them! My first real band was really influenced by them We were called The Fosters and I played guitar and sang. I have a cassette around some where of our recordings. I'm sure they're awful LOL. Didn't drink back then. I'm not sure how I played. I do remember I would always start the first song with my eyes closed until I was in the right frame of mind and I was fine from there on. I actually taught myself how to play guitar by playing along to the first three Ramones records. To this day I can't read music or even they you what chord I'm playing! Its always 5th fret up to 3rd fret down. Hahha Yeah I only know power chords but I've written over 50 songs! To this day I can put a record on and figure out songs. I kinda miss being in a band but honestly its like missing a really awful girlfriend. You look back fondly then remember all the shit she caused.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Thats one Heartbreaker ya got there Sk8'r!! Hes adorable, Beyond cute!!!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well it took me awhile to figure out if this is worth posting about but since when has that stopped me. As some of you know for the past couple of weeks I call my gf on wednsday to see if 9:30 is still good to get my son. Here's todays call..
Gf: hello (which is better than the "what" I've been getting
Me: hi is 9:30 still good to get Aaron
Gf: yes that's fine
Me: cool oh do you want any zuccinni from my dads garden?
Gf: (in a angry annoied voice I've become all to familar with) what yes I don't know I don't care
Me: ok ok bye
Gf: bye

I'm not gonna lie I hung up and looked at me phone and said "what the fuck? What a awful person." Yes I felt bad as soon as I said it cause she's my sons mom. But really what the fuck? I offered you free home grown produce and I happen to know she likes zuccinni. Its not like I asked her out on a date or asked about us. Is zuccinni a code word for penis between you women and I some how insulted her? I know she's under a lot of stress and I do worry about her because of that. That's why I still pay two of the bills. But I'm our sons father, I'm just trying to be nice. Maybe from now on I'll keep my vegtables to myself.

Yes it is funny if you think about it. I didn't get mad just confused. I do still love her but sometimes I wonder....

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Ill take some Zuccinni Sk8'r!!! (sorry just trying to make a light moment)

Wow... I get you now. That was a pretty ice cold phone conversation!!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Over been awhile. That's how most of our conversations have been. So I might be used to it by now. Funny thing is it was still really nice to hear her voice. Like hearing a favorite song for the first time in a long time. Jeez I'm hopless....... actually I'm in a good mood which figures since its almost time for me to go to bed.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Hey Over been awhile. That's how most of our conversations have been. So I might be used to it by now. Funny thing is it was still really nice to hear her voice. Like hearing a favorite song for the first time in a long time. Jeez I'm hopless....... actually I'm in a good mood which figures since its almost time for me to go to bed.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

OverIt2007;905747 wrote: Thats one Heartbreaker ya got there Sk8'r!! Hes adorable, Beyond cute!!!

Missed your post. Yeah he is. Got his moms looks and my personality. Wait don't know if that's a good thing or not. My personality can suck sometimes.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Your not hopeless... Not at all. Im still around, just busy dealing with my own sobriety and just life in general. Im always interested in how your doing and how things are getting along with you!!

I really do hope you get the girl in the end. I still believe in dreams coming true for my friends.

Have a good night Sk8'r!!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Posted at the sametime again! Guess we'll all see how this ends up. Could take awhile. G'nite Over.

Oh how is the sobrity going? Still on the med?