Falling Apart

[rebirth]

Falling Apart

Are you still in love with her? How long were you together? Dont have to reply if I am being too personal. Someone has probably asked you this question already too..

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

I feel for ya Sk8 I really do. Your a person who needs to be stimulated and it seems like you are in a dead end town. No wonder you are constantly thinking about being back with your girlfriend. I have just a hunch if you were in an area with more things for an outlet to do, you would be more happy perhaps??? Im just guessing, I grew up in a dead end town, and when I go visit my family I get bored stiff looking at the cow pastures and visiting the one McDonalds that takes us twenty minutes to drive to!

You ever want to take a Florida trip as a break, talk to me! I could show you around, and this is not a come on. I actually met somebody that I am really excited about, so my offer is just a good friend offer! Sometimes we all need to get away!

[rebirth]

Falling Apart

hey overit. How is your journey with antabuse? Is it working?

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Rebirth, yeah I'm still in love with her. We were together for 5 years. For some reason I can't get over her. My counsuler asked me a bunch of questios last week about it. Basically it ended with her saying you still love her. She smiled at me and said there's nothing wrong with that.

Over that's great you met someone! Yeah this is a dead end down. Always has been. If I had money id take you up on your offer. I do feel I need to get away for a few days.

Sometimes I feel bad posting here. So many people are struggling with sobrity which for some reason came fairly easy for me. All my problems are learning to live sober.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Hey Rebirth! Nice to see you! I have been taking the Antabuse for two weeks now, and I am happy to say I have grown quite used to a sober lifestyle because of it. Sometime soon I am going to write a long post about my experience so far taking it.

I had a couple of days where I was pissed off bad to be taking it, and there is no doubt I would have drank if I was not taking it. No doubt! But I got over that pretty quick, and once I woke up in the morning feeling great over and over, I am grateful to be forced sober! You get used to it quickly!

Im glad to see you are doing so well. If you ever find yourself in a place where you just cant get sober again and nothing is working, Antabuse is a very good tool to give you a gigantic sober kick in the ass!

Im sure you will do wonderful without it too. Wishing you much continued strength on this journey!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Oh wanted to say I don't sit around thinking about my GF. But several times a day it does seems to pop into my head. I guess my weird fear is what if she was the one and I screwed it up. Stupid I know. One of my biggest fears is being alone for the rest of my life. Just feels like I have so much to give and share but you can't do that alone.

[OverIt2007]

Falling Apart

Cross posted!

Sk8, dont ever feel bad about anything in regards to posting on here.

And you just keep that offer open in the back of your mind. It was a sincere one and sometimes a break is just what a person needs sometimes!!

Catch you all later my friends, gotta run for now

[rebirth]

Falling Apart

sk8punk;909393 wrote:
Sometimes I feel bad posting here. So many people are struggling with sobrity which for some reason came fairly easy for me. All my problems are learning to live sober.

I get what you mean sk8. I think my problems are trying to deal with my "baggage". It's a tough one.
It not bad to still love your ex. I still love all my ex's. They have been a major part of my life so it's impossible to forget. What has changed is that I no longer yearn for them or feel sad that it didnt work out. But this inner peace took time. Its not easy though..

Overit has it stopped your cravings. I look forward to your story

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well its official today is a bad day at least mentally. Been awhile since I had one of these. Just kinda feel worthless and that I've failed at life. Maybe my meds are still off. Eh I'll get through it. Always do some how.

[rebirth]

Falling Apart

Sorry to sound so ignorant sk8 but what is this depression you have? What are the exact symptons? Your last message sounded like the words from my current partner. Except he is not on medication.
Sorry to hear you are having a bad day.

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Hey Sk8r! Ride it out, you know it always passes. How about going right to a skate park or empty pool immediately after work to burn some negative energy off?? I'm sure it would make you feel better.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Yeah it always passes RC. Thought these days were behind me. I'd love to go skate but its raining.
Rebirth, I have dysthymia. Its chronic depression. I've had it since I was about 13 but just found out a few months ago. Probably one of the big reasons I drank.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

we start working on my self esteem issues in this weeks sessions. Can't wait as that is a huge problem with me. Right now I feel I don't deserve happiness or anything in life. Its messes up cause I know that's not true but I still feel that way. Sometimes it feels I've come so far then days like today I feel I'm back at square one.

[rebirth]

Falling Apart

I think its really good that you are talking to someone about it.
An ex husband of mine suffered from depression and it was a very frustrating marriage as I was constantly trying to make him happy.And he would be for a bit.. then become depressed again. In hindsight I wish I had suggested that he spoke with a councillor because they would have given him the help that he needed. He hated how he felt. I was too young to know how to deal with his depression.
Have to say that he was the most fascinating man I have ever met. He had a very intoxicating charactor.

It must be hard for you sk8 but it sounds like you are really strong. Plus you sound like a fantastic dad!

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Its hard sometimes, like today. But usually its not to bad. Strange how a lot of depressed people are actually fascinating people or really good artists. Even my counsuler told me through history some of the best pieces of art, music and literature were done when the people were depressed. Must be something with the chemical imbalance in the brain.

Being a good dad really just came naturally to me. Even more so with sobrity. I'm odd in the sense I feel validation from others loving me. When I have someone I feel great about myself. Even my son. Its almost like I need to feel needed to feel good about myself. That's probably not good. I do know I need to be able to find happiness in myself. Another person can not complete me. I have to complete myself. Happiness with another person should be shared. I hope that makes sense. Kinda hard to explain.