Falling Apart

[rebirth]

Falling Apart

Same here. I seem to be very emotional since off the drink.But it's okay. One day at a time.Rather this than the misery I had when I was always hungover. Like groundhog day. Woke up every weekend with a blasted hangover, tired, depressed and hating myself.

Thats over!! Even when I have bad days I still like myself. At least I can look people in the eye and not feel ashamed. I would remember bumping into people and cringing because we had met in the pub the other day and i got thoroughly drunk as usual and acted like an idiot as usual.

No more of that! Isnt it Aaron's birthday today?

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Feel pretty good today. Wasn't a bad day. Got to go to the doctors again tomorrow. Hopefully my med won't be upd I don't think it needs to be.
Aaron is offically 2 today! Tried to call to wish him a happy bday but of course his mom didn't answer the phone. So I left a message.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Well today took a turn for the worse. Guess it finally hit me that its Aarons birthday and I'm not with him. So had a little of the beat myself up again time. It still is hard to deal with the fact that this is my fault. Kinda gettin tired of my parents treating me with kidd gloves cause they're just waiting for me to lose it or something. I know they mean well but times like this I just want to be alone and stare at the wall. I know that sounds real healthy. LOL. But its true.

[Ringing Cedars]

Falling Apart

Oh Sk8, it sucks that you can't be with Aaron today. I have missed celebrating practically every birthday with my 3 kids for 9 years now. And when I did find a way to get a gift to them I have almost never been thanked(not that that is why I did it). And I can honestly say that it was not my own fault. Don't mean to dump on you buddy, but maybe you can count some blessings in view of that crap. Hang in there Sk8'r!!!

[KateH1]

Falling Apart

Hi Sk8....there is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. But, I also know how hard it can be to see our "Adult" children suffering or feeling badly. You never get over that! It is nice to know that they care, but I understand it can be annoying.

Sorry to hear that you didn't get a chance to talk to Aaron today, frankly, if your ex was home and just did not answer the phone, that is pretty petty and childish! (sorry, I just had to say that!)

But, I will say this, you made some mistakes, but, you must stop beating yourself up. Especially since you are doing everything in your power to improve your life and prevent the same mistakes in the future. That is commendable! Truly it is! Frankly, it sounds like your ex has her own issues to deal with. Especially since your behavior has been so very considerate. Never let anyone make you feel badly about yourself.....No One. Let your concience be your guide!

X Kate

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Not dumping at all RC. Just something I gotta work through. But really its not as bad as 3 months ago so things are getting better. Just gonna take time which for some reason seems to move VERY slowly when feeling down. Amazing how much time that just blew by while drunk. Well I guess thats cause I was unconscience LOL. Don't miss that.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Thanks Kate. My consuler says the same about my sons mom and I do believe its true. I know I gotta stop beating myself up. At least its not as bad as it usually was.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Just got out of the doctors. Looks like I'm staying at 40mg of Paxil. Which is good. Things have been good except this week with Aarons bday and him going on vacation. I do know that I'm still adjusting to life being sober. I have to deal with a lot of things now without my crutch or someone else in my life. Its not bad but its not easy. Still learrning how to live at 37 is weird.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

So I got laid off today. You think i'd be upset but I'm not at all. In fact its like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Most of you know I didn't like my job. I have a prospect already so I'm just going to take this time and live my life. Enjoy complete freedom while it lasts. I'm just glad to be sober and in a positive state of mind now. Everytime a door closes another opens and its time for a complete new life. I guess that job was the final tie to my drinking past. Here's to the future..

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Another deadly awesome day with Aaron. Never thought it was possible for me to love another human being as much as I do him. It is honestly the only time I feel completly right in the head. LOL. And I get to do it all again tomorrow! Guess things aren't really that bad. Not perfect but life isn't perfect. Things can only get better for me.

[sk8punk]

Falling Apart

Yes I'm still alive!!! Things are going really good here. Been busy skating and doing laundry (Aarons mom gave me the rest of my clothes this weekend.) Amazing how much crap one collects living somewhere for 5 years.
Its great having all this free time finally. Feels like my life is back on track and moving forward finally. As much as I put down online dating right when I was about to pull the plug I started talking to a really cool girl. She thinks very similar to me and has tattoos too. So thats all I'm gonna say about it cause I don't want to jinx it.

Hope everyone here is doing good. I'll try to do some catching up today since its raining out today.

[Rusty]

Falling Apart

Hi Sk8,

It's been a while since I've posted here or since we have cyber-chatted. Awesome that you are out of that BOOOORRRRRRINNNNNNGGGGG job. I know, because all my 52 clients are in manufacturing and most of those warehouse receiving guys are bored to tears! Onward and upward my friend. Good for you!!! A new job prospect and possibly a new love interest.....well, do tell when you feel comfortable.

xoxxoxox

Rusty from Wisconsin

[girly wirly]

Falling Apart

sounds like you are doing great! glad you are having a go at the dating thing, the world's your oyster!

[one2many]

Falling Apart

Whoooooohooooooo

Thats all I am saying (so as not to jinx it )

[Rusty]

Falling Apart

Let's give the boy a hand.....let's hear it for my baby......(from the movie Footloose with Kevin Bacon)